To tell her or not

[Springawakening543]

I found something out about someone that I thought was a throughly charming, life sorted, wife to be pregnant a few years younger than him, well he has been having a relationship with someone else.

The OW has stepped away but not before saying he needs to work out who he wants.

Does his partner need to know that he has been sleeping with someone behind her back, just to get herself tested for her and her unborn babies health.

AIBU telling her or just keep what I know to myself.

This is usually what I would say but I would want to know, and I could see the partner in a few months at a work event.

I’d tell her. Well, I’d tell her husband to tell her, otherwise you will.
She has a right to know what a scumbag she’s married to and she needs to protect her health and the baby’s health too.

Everyone on here will tell you to tell her but it’s not your responsibility or your business tbh

So dont do it then. Its not your business. The wife might already know, or have suspicions

You are not the cheat though. That’s the person who blew up the life. My friend just found out her boyfriend of 2 years has been cheating all along and she is so glad the person told her. She was planning to move/change jobs to be with him and now she won’t.

If you do decide to involve yourself, don’t expect the wife to be grateful or even believe you.

The situation is nothing to do with you - if you can’t face her, then just avoid her

Will get flamed for this but I would send an anonymous letter with full details of other woman so that wife can verify if the husband lies. That way you have "done your duty" without anyone knowing it's you.

Are you 100% sure? Is yoir source reliable?

Sending an anonymous letter is creepy. If you want to tell her, have the guts to do yourself.

People who report things anonymously are cowardly and enjoy the fun of stirring without the consequences.

I would tell him you know and to give the OW up or you WILL tell her

Tell her
I'd be raging at being mugged off and hand wringy people saying "oh don't get involved "

This gives him the opportunity to tell his wife that he thinks someone at work might be about to assassinate his character.

I’ve been the finance in that situation - she deserves to decide whether to get married and tie herself up financially knowing the full reality of her life. If you don’t want to directly say I’d have been ok with an anonymous letter with enough facts to not dismiss it.

If the wife was a friend then fine but if she’s someone the OP doesn’t know, she owes her nothing. It’s not hand wringing to not want to get involved in people’s personal business, especially when you work with one of them.

It doesn’t affect the OP (apart from moral judgement) so she can just get on with her life.

I’m sure someone will be along to talk about ‘the sisterhood’ - that’s a myth.

Usually I wouldn’t get involved but she still has the option of not being left on her own with a baby or putting up with a deadbeat ex not really involved dad to her child at this stage. She’s got options, but the clock’s ticking. Whether you send an anonymous letter or not, I’d have to do it in these particular circumstances.

She’s pregnant now so what’s the point? You tell her and as a direct result of this, she gets very stressed and has to try to map out a future with or without her husband.

If she finds out, then she finds out. Why would you want to insert yourself into her life and do this?

But like I said, if you really feel duty bound to interfere get involved, have the balls to tell her face to face or on the phone

What's the point?
Presumably most people don't want to waste their lives on cheaters? I'm pregnant (and already have kids)... if my DH was cheating I'd 100% want to know.

Also she isn't yet married to this horrid man, so she can choose whether or not to proceed with a legally binding marriage.

Ah so no promises have been made... Even less reason.

I hope she’s financially independent and able to support herself and the baby because if not, she’s going to be a bit stuck anyway potentially.

I have made up my mind not to tell the partner , let’s hope the man who has cheated has some balls and either admits his affair (he won’t) or leaves so at least she does not have to be with someone who disrespects her.

I would tell her and fast. Particularly bc she is early days pregnant. Sounds like they aren't married yet? Who knows, she may want to postpone the wedding or even have a abortion and this would allow her to make an informed choice. It's an extremely said situation but he did that, and the betrayal has already happened. There's no going back.

You have to work with him and the OW. Things could get very uncomfortable for you at work. It's very easy for PP to say tell her but you will have to deal with the fallout on a daily basis. Can you do that? The job market isn't great at the moment could you

potentially afford to leave your job if it blows up

OP has decided not to tell her - see update

I’d really want to know, so I’m voting ‘tell’