Are other full-time working families finding there is nothing left?

[fatface001]

Alarm went off at 5:30 this morning, then an hour stood on a packed train into London for the commute. We are a normal family: one child and two full-time jobs. I’ve always enjoyed working and have always worked hard, and I don’t mind that at all — but I do expect that full-time work should still mean there’s something left at the end of the month for a normal life.

But that really doesn’t feel like the case anymore.

There’s nothing left at the end of the month. Everything has been stripped back, all non-essentials have gone, and even basic things around the house are being put off or done ourselves because there isn’t spare money for trades. It’s just constant cutting back.

What’s hard is that we’re both working really long hours and doing everything we’re “supposed” to do, but it still feels like we’re going backwards rather than getting ahead.

When I hear talk about “those with the broadest shoulders” contributing more, I honestly don’t recognise it anymore in real life. It doesn’t feel like anyone in our position has anything left to give — it feels like the pressure is entirely on ordinary working households just to stand still.

I’m not looking for luxuries — just the sense that working still gives you a bit of breathing room. Right now it doesn’t feel like that at all.

Is anyone else feeling the same?

You think people on benefits aren’t stressed about finding enough money to pay the bills or put food on the table? How little you know about what living on benefits is actually like.

Yes I agree but judging by the huge increase in claims it seems most are saying their diagnosis prevents them working otherwise why claim at all .

No , I’ve worked my whole life and would never expect others to pay for me , I wasn’t raised that way . Benefits / welfare state was never even a thing when I was growing up and I never saw anyone do anything other than work .

They will have to have proof of what they are saying, and its not an out of work benefit anyway
There maybe a huge increase in claims but that doesnt necessarily mean there isxa huge increase in peoole being eligible.

I worked my whole life too until I had a disabled child.

Sometimes you have no choice.

Good for you I was the same, and then had a disabled child ,hes nearly 16 but cognitively he functions at about 2/3 years
Sometimes life doesnt go to plan.

The people I know who are autistic and claim PIP were claiming PIP long before they were diagnosed (which in my social circles are middle aged people). They still had the same difficulties, but they didn't have a name for them, or they were diagnosed with something else.
Not everyone that is ND is getting a diagnosis to claim benefits. No one does, because you don't suddenly become disabled once you have been assessed and diagnosed with something.

I honestly think the rise in claims is due to the cost of living and UC not being enough. People are claiming PIP to pay for bills, when it was never intended to be for that.

Thanks for answering that, it seems there is such a difference in nursery provision and that’s not fair. Our private nursery seems really good, with decent SEN experience and enough staff to children ratio to accommodate. I hope you manage to get some full days going forwards

Maybe there has also been a rise in people who are severely disabled by their autism?
I can only speak anecdotally but in my LA we have two special schools for primary ages pupils and two for secondary aged pupils
All four have doubled in capacity for admission, s due to rising numbers of children with complex disabilities, this has been over the past 10/15 years.

im not disagreeing: but there are plenty of people who can put on how severe the impact is on them or their child

Yeah i use to think like that until my organs started failing and I ended up with brain damage. Life has a way of being unpredictable like that. People have this picture in their heads of what people on benefits are like 5 kids living in a council house never worked a day in their life and claiming thousands in benefits. This is very rarely the reality. People on benefits usually have worked their whole life until something horrific happened to them. We all pay in as anyone of us may need it someday. And i would never begrudge a person with a terminal illness, a severely disabled child, or someone fleeing domestic abuse financial help.

That needs to be backed up with evidence.

But dla/pip are not going to take a parents word for it. I don't know anything about dla but I know with pip the amount of medical evidence needed they don't just give it to you because you tell them you need it and I assume dla is the same. They are not easy benefits to get

Being on benefit is in my experience very stressful. I’m thankful I’m not anymore. Some people take advantage for sure but for many it’s not at all a choice or “expecting others to pay” A daily worry about finding enough pennies to buy food, essentials and pay the bills.
Given how little you seem to know about what being on benefit is actually like you’d do better not to share your assumptions about it. It’s not easier in any way.

You still need evidence from someone else including from school or nursery. I have applied for DLA. Quite happy to show all the wallpaper my child has ripped off or the kitchen cabinets he has broken?

Finding out I'm autistic actually helped me finally get to the bottom of mental health issues, and get back to work after many years. You can't solve the problems or find a way around them without knowing what you're dealing with.

It's possible there is an increase in autism, not just better diagnosis. In this case we need to look at how to help autistic people work, including adapting workplaces, not just blame them for being unable to.

What is required to get a job/stay in work has become harder and more autism unfriendly over the years. Things like having to sell yourself in interviews, be a "people person", expected to work ever changing random shifts, cover various roles at work rather than fitting into your niche, etc. It's also extremely hard to start at min wage and work your way up to a more suitable role, as the crappy jobs are often the hardest for things autistic people find hard (eg. fast paced ever changing as a barista). If we want autistic people to train to reach the level of a job they can do they need benefits in the meantime.

I can't remember the stat offhand, but far more autistic people want to work than are actually employed. They don't need kicking off benefits, they need help to find suitable, sustainable jobs.

That's not to say it's impossible there's anyone who could work who isn't motivated to. But the main problem is not autistic people choosing not to work - help those who want to work and are able to, to find suitable employment!

I think we would all support those on your list but not the single parent with 5 kids with different dads all absent and none ever worked .
Why does the state allow fathers to not pay for their kids , I’ve read recently of someone whose ex pays £7 a week . Kids cost far more than that .

Well they can say what they want but
If they say their child is non verbal, etc the assessors will need proof of that
And when you have a child with severe and complex needs ime you tend to have tons of proof
For my sons last renewal i sent a copy of his EHCP,a copy of his IEP
Restraint plans from school transport
Letter from the learning disabilities nurse and a letter from his paediatrician
And his class teacher ( special school ) wrote in the section as somone who knew him
I wasent scratching around for evidence and have plenty more if needed.

I’d say it’s definitely easier for some because if it wasn’t they’d all be working . No one has ever complained about people genuinely disabled being helped but we can rightfully complain about able bodied adults who make a lifestyle choice not to work and expect everyone to pay for them . What’s that about for goodness sake . When did we start allowing people not to work and provide for their own families .

So you would punish the mothers and children for the men’s absence?

I don’t think the man should be allowed to not pay for his kids , unless he vanishes he should be forced to pay a decent contribution. Clearly it’s different if he passed away but then you’d hope life insurance would be in place .

I (obviously) can't comfirm why this is. If it's true, it would be very interesting to do the research and find out why.

I strongly suspect it is to do with high unemployment combined with the demands of the modern workplace - essentially, those struggling the most are finding themselves losing their jobs, or burning out due to increased demands (and then losing their jobs). So they claim becauae they need some income, but qualify for sickness/disability related benefits rather than just job-seeking benefits.

In a healthier economic climate with plenty of jobs at all levels, these same people would find it easier to stay in work. And if they burnt out, they could find a new job easily once recovered (pre 2008 this is what I used to do, crash and burn then pick myself up after a break and walk into another job).

Essentially, someone has to be unemployed right now, and it makes sense that's the people who most struggle in work.

(I feel I could have said this in a less long winded way, tired brain, sorry! 😆)

There is no appetite to enforce child support. I genuinely cannot for the life of me thinking of a good reason why they wouldn’t.
But millions of children could be lifted out of poverty if they even enforced the bare minimum.

Exactly this .

@hattie43
I’d say it’s definitely easier for some because if it wasn’t they’d all be working

Where would all the jobs come from?

This seems to be the biggest issue. In the past you could walk into a job. Now jobs expect more of you (in terms of full availability for a part time contract, and other things) and have hundreds of applicants per job! I read recently that the main driver of social mobility in the last century was apparently a labour shortage, meaning people were given a chance and could work their way up. It's just not the same nowadays (and even in my lifetime I saw the difference post 2008 crash).

You seem to think the problem is people choosing not to work. Yet even if we waved a magic wand and made every unemployed person the most motivated, capable (ie. not sick or disabled) person ... where would the jobs come from? (Plus issues to do with childcare, or needing top up benefits because of 0 hour contracts and so on!)

This is the actual, worrying problem. There aren't the jobs. This is what needs solving.