Are other full-time working families finding there is nothing left?

[fatface001]

Alarm went off at 5:30 this morning, then an hour stood on a packed train into London for the commute. We are a normal family: one child and two full-time jobs. I’ve always enjoyed working and have always worked hard, and I don’t mind that at all — but I do expect that full-time work should still mean there’s something left at the end of the month for a normal life.

But that really doesn’t feel like the case anymore.

There’s nothing left at the end of the month. Everything has been stripped back, all non-essentials have gone, and even basic things around the house are being put off or done ourselves because there isn’t spare money for trades. It’s just constant cutting back.

What’s hard is that we’re both working really long hours and doing everything we’re “supposed” to do, but it still feels like we’re going backwards rather than getting ahead.

When I hear talk about “those with the broadest shoulders” contributing more, I honestly don’t recognise it anymore in real life. It doesn’t feel like anyone in our position has anything left to give — it feels like the pressure is entirely on ordinary working households just to stand still.

I’m not looking for luxuries — just the sense that working still gives you a bit of breathing room. Right now it doesn’t feel like that at all.

Is anyone else feeling the same?

DLA dont take GP evidence very seriously as it just mum says
And it doesnt matter what people tell school about their child ,the school can only write about how the child presents whilst at school
The school may say something like mum reports,etc but it wouldn't be tsken very seriously on its own.

It makes no difference, she is still getting (all/most) of her rent paid, which clearly is a benefit to her.
I always struggle when someone points this out, as if those who work are living rent or mortgage free!

Having paid national insurance for a certain number of years. In the same way that PIP is paid for having a certain number of disability points and job seekers is paid for spending a certain number of hours looking for work. Benefit with qualifying conditions attached.

But as I say, so many seem to think it’s not a benefit because they don’t like to be lumped with benefits claimants as they like looking down on them.

So, why did you retire if you were getting that salary?

Listen, I worked since I was 18. Younger actually as I had a paper round at 13, then Saturday/holiday jobs from 14. I bought my house with my husband when I was 23 and we have no mortgage.

While working I had a brief spell of being a benefits advisor. Some of the people I helped were getting more than me and my husband every month.

But, my life was so much better. I don’t, and never have, looked down on people who need to claim benefits. I just thank God that I don’t.

So sorry you find yourself in this position. It is desperately unfair . I have long appreciated your advice and support on another certain board and I have been wondering how you are doing. I am sure I am not alone in that !
Take care and much love x

Not as extreme as OP, but for what we do I'd hope for more slack for fun stuff.

Because I could afford to.

I don’t look down on benefits claimants.

You've shown here that you have completely and utterly misinterpreted much of what I'm saying so I don't see the point in continuing to engage with you when you wilfully miss every point I make and mischaracterise it so much just so it suits your own narrative. You've multiple times accused me of saying one thing when I'm saying another and I'm fed up of it. You're either doing it on purpose or this discussion is beyond you but I'm done with it.

Good call. 👍

Genuine question, will the nurseries not take your child? We have children being reviewed for autism at the nursery my kids go to, and the staff are amazing with them. However I have heard of some nurseries being a bit more difficult

If being neurodivergent is so common these days, how are we going to continue as a society if lots of ND people don't work? That simply won't work. We can't have millions of working age people relying on a dwindling number that do. Although that is obviously already currently happening. But if the million young people not working now, never work, what will happen in the future? Obviously they won't have children if they are so ND that they can't work. Or if they do have children, won't they be more likely to be ND too or see their parents not working so they won't expect to?

👏👏👏

i agree.

i suspect that if I listen to what is shown on tiktok and instagram, I have both autism and ADHD. As does my husband and daughter. except; I’m not sure that there is actually anything “wrong” with us at all: we are just slightly different from how some others function (as are thousands of others). I think people are being incorrectly being diagnosed as having conditions, when they are just being human. There are of course people who genuinely have severe due to autism where they cannot communicate etc, but I really think that these are completely different conditions

both DH and I manage to work full time, I’ve also had significant mental health issues in the past, and have recovered: being back at work helped a lot. People who can work, really need helped into the workplace.

Being ND maybe more prevalent these days but again its a massive spectrum there are people being diagnosed in their 40,s and 50,s who have always worked ,had a family etc
Its not the diagnosis that prevents someone from working its how the diagnosis impacts them.

I'm one of those autistic women who weren't diagnosed until menopause hit - there are quite a lot of us!

I have worked since I was 15, including 27 years in primary education.

For me, diagnosis doesn't mean I stop work or claim any benefits, it means that I can understand myself better, and forgive (if that's the right word) myself for the things I used to really beat myself up about, especially when younger. I have found being diagnosed to be an incredible relief.

My point is, increased diagnoses of such conditions doesn't automatically mean more people claiming benefits.

If someone's life is massively impaired so much so that they can't function - absolutely, they can't work. But if they just find things a bit tricky or difficult or stressful then that is just life. On a recent documentary, there were young people that clearly just found things difficult but they were all on more money on benefits than someone on minimum wage working full time. I'm no expert but none of them displayed any different traits to many of my own. I know I could be signed off given what I have been through and my own issues but I just couldn't do that as it wouldn't even occur me to live off someone else's hard work when I can work myself.

@x2boys We have just written very similar posts!!

Lots of people may think they hsve autism/ ADHD ,but that doesnt prevent them from working or make them eligible for disability benefits
The same with mental illness being in work may well help somone with mild anxiety and depression
But it's not going to help somone who is floridly Pyschotic
Some people with severe and enduring mental illness will never be stable enough to work.

It's also worth keeping in mind that other disabilities also exist and PIP/DLA doesn't automatically mean autism and/or ADHD.

People know that . It’s just the rise in claims due to autism / anxiety have sky rocketed .

He goes to a school nursery every day for three hours. I wanted two and half days so I could work more/get more rest but they felt he would find it too much. He attended a previous private nursery until lunch time and he didn't like it. I feel now he could probably give a full day a try to prepare for school but they won't say yes to that which is annoying. Most of the SEN kids seem to do mornings or afternoons.

My son is four with mainly a few single words he knows and isn't potty trained yet.

Again its not about diagnosis
Its about how the diagnosis impacts a person.

Completely agree, well put!