Does everyone turn “funny” or bitter in the old age?

[KalmsOneaNight]

I have a very small family, so my sample is small, and I am hoping to hear that some people have had different experience.

DG (this is DM’s account as I live in another country): in her late 70s onwards, was saying this like “still alive” when DM would call her daily, and not in jokey way. Gaslighting DM for living her life, instead of constantly fussing over her. They have always had a difficult relationship.

DM (now 75) swore to me that she will never be like this. True enough, she does not complain. For conext - I have not seen them for a few years. Partly due to war Covid, the war, they are in the Ukraine. I know they resent me for not going but DF has been nasty to me my whole life, she has just watched, so I do use it as an excuse. I support them financially. Instead of GM tactics, she gives me silent treatment. No detail of their life, no complaints, one line daily updates, mainly “all ok” like she went LC with me. I called her the other day, she said “what would you like to discuss?” Not acknowledged Mother’s Day greeting either. This came on gradually over the last two or three years. When they need a significant injection of cash beyond what I send them monthly, she puts DF on the phone, who only is nice to me when they need something.

Now, I adore my DC and they are also keen to live abroad. I never want to be like either of them, but neither did DM and here we are. I want to be generous and supportive of my DC, no matter circumstances, to pass no veiled resentment.

FIL has never reached 80s. He was a true gent when we first met 20 years ago, but has over time become a bitter, bullish man towards MIL.

I am aware that change of character can be an early sign of dementia.

MIL is 82, switched on in her comfort zone, has her moments but generally emotionally she is not hard work like the other three.

I would love to hear some other stories and any tips on how to not be I’m like this.

Also, DC worked a carer to elderly for a few years and some really old people were lovely. No idea if they were like this with DC only as a stranger and what they were like with their DC. But she did say that those who have not “given up”, not lost interest in themselves and the world are the ones who remain upbeat and lovely to work with.

It’s like the posters you see on the mail and express online pages- I hate to say most are of a certain age( and I’m 64 by the way) but they are and most seem miserable as sin, very closed minded and gave nothing nice to say about anyone who isn’t exactly like them

Ageist shite.

My dad's nearly 95 and wonderful. He is kind, loving and generous and always sees the best in everyone. He had a hard life growing up and counts his blessings so I guess its a mixture of factors, personality and nature.

I have not experienced any of these behaviours in my family including parents and aunts and uncles. They were lovely in their old age. I am now late 70s and do not behave like that either. My father had Alzheimer’s but still behaved very well with no tantrums.

I don't know, she's very old, you don't visit, she's living in a warzone... I can kind of see why she's not all sweetness and light tbh..

Also you saying you'd meet her in Poland, surely she may have concerns re travelling and safety and also coming back to a destroyed or damaged house?

My great grandmother died at 108, chipper and upbeat all her life. She out lived all 4 of her children, as well as her husband. Never complained, even when her only son died in his 40's of cancer,and her eldest daughter was murdered.

Her second daughter, my grandmother, was a bitter and cruel woman who manipulated everyone and died unmourned.

It's down to personality, in my opinion. As you age, your patience and your filters get less. And those who are already nasty get worse.

No. My mum is 80 next year and is such a fun soul I love her so much and she is very sociable. In fact I'd had a shitty day in work and stopped at my mum's on the way home for a hug, because I knew she would Cher me up. I'm nearly 50 btw 🤣

In-laws similar age and loving life. No dwelling or anything miserable.

I think some people on here think that people turn 70, a button goes off and they turn into reform voting, racist old twats.

If you're a horrible, miserable twat in your 30's, probability is, you're going to be a horrible, miserable twat in your 70's