AIBU to be more attracted to men in their thirties?

[bluewednesdaysky]

Am I unreasonable for being more attracted to younger men? When I say younger I mean early to mid 30's? I am late 40's and not looking for a relationship at all and if I were I probably would for pragmatic reasons prefer someone closer to my own age but if we are talking about who catches my eye its someone about 15 years younger than me. Younger woman at work thought this was outrageous of me!

Gosh these threads are like buses lately.

YANBU, but I suspect you know that.

Someone younger is probably more physically attractive. Whether they'd find someone nearly a generation older is another matter

Im the opposite im in my 30s and always really fancy older men

I'm the same age as you and find so many men my age are just grumpy and hard work (my husband included a lot of the time). Men in their mid thirties tend to still have a bit of a spark to them. If I was to find myself single I can only really imagine being attracted to someone a bit younger, whether I'd actually act on it is another matter

That isn't really the point is it? I'm not saying I'd pursue men that age only that I find them more attractive and the general consensus is that women prefer older men and my argument was that women prefer older men or men their age for more pragmatic reasons but that many like me probably find younger men more attractive.

On what conceivable level would it ever be unreasonable?

@Somnambule Absolutely, I am not sure if I'd act on it either or if I'd search for a needle in a haystack closer to my own age? Even male friends I like and at one point though were very cute are no longer attractive to me at all. Not very nice of me but I dare say they'd say the same about me!

If you are a man?

Why would be unreasonable? If you both are consenting adults and agree on what you want, go ahead.

Yeah I'm mid 40s and I wish I was more attracted to men my age! I do find some that I am, but I generally gravitate towards mid/late 30s.

But attraction is more than looks right?

Obviously younger people are more shaggable if you’re just going on shallow good looks but I would never shag someone 15 years younger than me as I’d also want to talk to them

If you were a man, everyone would say you're an old pervert....

Im 46 (female) and I've just started a relationship with a 32 year old man! Its pretty awesome!!

you would be considered a cougar @bluewednesdaysky

Personal preference and thats ok, im in my 30s and prefer older men

It's ok for a short term thing/fling, but as you get older and he remains younger its not so easy! You might think the gap feels less as you age but I don't feel that's always the case.

When I was 42 I dated a 30yr old for a short while. At that point I looked a little younger than I was so it didnt feel like a huge diffence. We didnt look wildly apart in age. But ultimately he still wanted to play the field. We continued a loose friendship. I'm now 56 and I look it! Had some difficult times, a tough menopause, a significant illness, it all took its toll. Meanwhile hes 44 and could pass for younger. We're also now at more different life stages than we were then. I feel the gap between us has widened a lot in various ways. He hasn't matured much from when he was 30 whereas I feel I've changed/grown a lot. So ultimately I'm quite glad we never got serious. It would never have worked and if we were out together now I'd worry people would think I was his mum! 😂

How does that work when the general consensus is that women prefer older men?

FWIW @bluewednesdaysky my partner is significantly younger than I am. Plenty of men in their 20s/30s are attracted to older women.

It’s an interesting one - my exH was almost 12 years younger than me, we were together 10 years and split up when I was 44 and he was 33. He was not in any way a stereotypical ‘guy in his 30s’ - he was negative, cynical, not fun, not energetic, and our marriage was pretty much sexless in its last couple of years. I’m now 46 and have a DP who is 56; he’s entirely the opposite - the most fun, joyful, energetic and virile guy I’ve ever been with! Just shows it’s a person thing rather than an age thing really.

It's interesting that there is a cut off. I'm late 40s and can definitely have a crush on a guy in his 30s. But a man in his 20s is a baby and I have no interest! It's quite different to what many men seem to be like, whose idea of attractiveness seems to get frozen on women in their 20s.

When I was online dating in my late forties I was also aggrieved to find that 99% of the men I was attracted to were around ten years younger. I didn't actually want a relationship with a younger man but most of the men my age or a little older looked like granddads.

I ended up dating a few men late 30s or early 40s. In person I didn't feel we looked any different in age. I ended up with someone 4 years older who I met in real life, who doesn't look young for his age but who I do find very attractive. I wouldn't have chosen him from a photo online though, or actually without seeing him dancing and interacting in a crowd.

The most handsome man I have seen perhaps ever is a work colleague of my sons, he is a whole generation younger than me, he is also a very decent human being. Obviously has a lovely girlfriend who I know very well. She graduated with my DS last year, he introduced them. She is one hell of a lucky woman. She is exceptionally bright and also very beautiful.

When he pops round the house I just always think of the Keats poem opening line ‘A thing of beauty is a joy forever’.

I think this is true, attraction is weird and what you build irl with someone you actually get to know is very different to what you feel just seeing a persons appearance. I suppose my point was that I when I was asked I don't typically find men my own age or older visually attractive, wasn't saying I am going after men in their mid 30's at all only that if I see a guy and I think, nice looking guy, he's usually in that age range. Also Guys like Cillian Murphy, Roy Keane and Eric Bana are still nice to look at in their early 50's and late 40's but they were still way more attractive at 35.

I also think that men my age look way older than women my age. Its interesting as I often see online that women age like milk and men age like wine. When if anything its the opposite even though men technically have an advantage in terms of not having to deal with the dramatic menopause women have or such impossible beauty standards i.e. they aren't only thought of as attractive at 18 - 24. Regardless of that most of them just make zero effort to look good at all.

Women for the most part keep putting their best foot forward well into old age! The only difference is that culture says men are allowed to age and tells us we still find them hot with dad bods, balding heads, craggy skin and grey hair. While women are told only very young women are properly attractive. Well I am calling bullshit on that, most men have an expiry date on overt hotness as well.

No harm at all in admiring someone beautiful!

They really wouldn't.

I'm not leering at younger men in the street or at work, I'm not actively pursuing them in real life or on the apps. I am not seeking a relationship at all. I was asked in work what type / age of men I find most attractive and I answered honestly that if a man catches my eye he's usually a fair bit younger than myself. I even say in my OP that if I were seeking a relationship I'd most likely seek one with someone much closer to my own age.