To think regular breaks is one of the positives?

[PizzaAtNighttime]

My ex is not involved so therefore has never had our children overnight meaning I haven’t had a single night to myself in 10 years. I was speaking to a few single parents who seemed to think I would hate having time to myself and that it’s horrible being away from your kids. Do all single parents feel this way? What about with grandparents etc or is it only when they are with their father? I feel like the only parent who would love regular breaks to myself and find myself feeling jealous of single parents that get regular breaks. AIBU to think regular breaks is one of the positives of being a single parent? (Co parent)

..

It depends if the father is a competent and caring parent. DC’s dad fought for access because it was his right and maintained contact for a couple of years but the dc hated going and missed out on loads whilst sitting in a bedroom at their dads in non ideal conditions . I hated that time and was glad when they voted with their feet and I have them again full time like I did for many years previous. I’m sure if they had a loving and engaged father to send them off to where they had nice experiences I’d have sent them with pleasure!

I have genuine 50-50 with my ex, something we both wanted for our children, and I do enjoy the time to myself. It means I focus on work when the kids are with him so I’m more present when they’re with me. It also means I get more of a life. He is a good day though so I don’t have to worry about them being with him.

Obviously not counting abusive neglectful fathers etc

I am not a single parent and I love breaks from my kids. I go on holiday without them at least once a year and I have since they were each about 15 months. We don’t have any family help, but obviously I do have Dh, so I leave them home with them and off I go fairly regularly. I have a number of single parent friends and none of them has ever said they wouldn’t want time away from their children.

Realistically though, I imagine if it isn’t an option for you, it’s probably a lot easier to tell everyone how much you’d hate to be away from your dc than to admit how much you’re struggling and maybe how envious you are that others get a break. For example, I had a friend who really struggled with her mental health due to sleep deprivation and breastfeeding until her dc was probably 3/4. She constantly went on about how horrible it was that other mums didn’t breastfeed as long as she did and how selfish it was…while literally on her knees from being up every 2 hours feeding a toddler. I think it was her way of expressing how hard she was finding it all.

My sister has 5050 ish with ex, and her life is incredible. She has hobbies, creative pursuits, downtime, career development and lovers out the wazoo. But I guess that's because her ex adores his children and they're as happy with him as her?

Tbf I only ever see single mums saying how much they hate being away from their kids so wondered if couples felt the same way

That would have been my ideal situation I think 50/50 sounds perfect

Completely agree, as a completely lone parent (with zero support from anyone else at all) I haven’t had a day just for me in many years. It’s absolutely relentless and as a consequence there’s very little of “me” left. I truly envy the people who have some sort of child free time and those I know of make the most of their child-free time. I suspect a break would make me a much better mum too. I also don’t think that anyone who isn’t a totally lone parent can really comprehend how relentless it is (I’d have been the same, I’m not judging) so don’t think they’d feel that way/don't feel this way.

Thank you, I feel exactly the same. It really affected my mental health and I think I’d be a much better mum if I had regular breaks. I haven’t been out the house without my kids after 3pm in a decade and it taken its toll to completely lose myself as a person. And you are right people don’t understand.

In theory yes, I like getting a break from my kids, however I have to spend time away from my kid when I don’t want to, special occasions, week long holidays etc. it’s hard. And yes I know not ever having a break is hard too, for entirely different reason.

I’d miss them and agree it may be hard at first but it would be nice to miss them sometimes as I never do as we are always together

I liked breaks from my eldest when I was a single Mum, I needed them, luckily they have fantastic grandparents who used to babysit. Now I am not a SP and have another, I still love breaks every now and then, tbh I again am very lucky as GP’s offer to take the kids out as they enjoy it also

Don’t believe them! All parents would love a free weekend now and again.

I used to joke with my DH about us splitting up just so we could get every other weekend off! We laughed, thought it could actually work, laughed again and then got on with the daily slog together.

Do you have the kids GPs you could ask for one weekend a month?

No way my mum would never have my kids

Financially it's bloody amazing, my money tripled overnight from being in a financially controlling household to being able to afford to go abroad twice a year with the kids.

I spend most of my life wishing for a break from my kids! Am married and we don't have family offering help or far away ILs that Dh can take them to. They are older now so things are easier but when they were young i would go alone to a hotel a few times a year for a little break. Occasionally I'd take a full day where I'd disappear, phone off and do whatever I want and return when they are asleep. Dh did the same. Sometimes it was all I looked forward to. What I would have really loved is having them out of the house while I get to stay but that never happens. I guess it's different if there are trust issues with ex or different parenting attitudes, I'd also worry that a young child wouldn't settle in a different place or be crying for me. If it's a partner that's capable then no I would be very happy with a break.

That sucks!

We had no help either. I was so bitter about it for such a long time, but now our kids are older, we don’t owe anyone any help which is great!

If it’s been a decade already you don’t have to wait too much longer before you can leave them home alone for a few hours. It feels great when you get to this stage!

Im not talking about a few hours here and there i mean overnight and weekends, I don’t have one day where I’m not parenting. A few hours isnt what I call a break 😔

Im not jealous of people that get the odd couple of hours here and there i mean every other weekend etc I would love a whole weekend to myself.

No I understand but it’ll be something. Before you know it you can leave them from morning till night!
It won’t fix the overnight issue, but by this stage you won’t need to get up early to see to them. They’ll be more self-sufficient with getting their own breakfast etc… and you can ignore them all morning 😂 and have lay-ins!

It does get easier once they’re in secondary school. Promise!

The older are in secondary i wouldnt call it easier but have Sen so that makes a difference

I think it wholly depends on how the other parent is. If the other parent is crap then you feel worried about them whilst they’re not here, and guilty for doing anything nice. So it takes the enjoyment or relaxation out of it somewhat!

My ex fucked up even having the kids for a couple of hours the amount of times they ended up in out of hours claiming high temperatures etc was ridiculous I walked up from work straight into the hospital he handed the kids over told me one was unwell and walked out he just wanted to disrupt my life

I could simply never trust him he ditched them after they grew up enough to challenge his narrative