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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to tell my close friend I have feelings?

30 replies

Sunshineallsummer · 30/03/2026 14:29

Hey!

just posting here for some advice really!

I’ve got a male friend who I’ve known for about 5 years. We worked together, gradually became closer and closer and now we’re best friends. We regularly spend time together outside of work, would spend lunch together at work and message a lot outside of work. We don’t work together anymore but have kept up the friendship.

the thing is I actually really like him and have got feelings for him. We just click really well- I’ve never met someone I get along with so well. We have a laugh and banter and we just click really well.

I’m just so, so worried to tell him in case it spoils our friendship. I don’t know if he has feelings for me but he’s such a great friend I would hate to lose him if I told him how I feel.

has anyone ever had similar? If so, did you tell him and did it go well or did you regret it? Thanks😅

OP posts:
Watcher1984 · 01/04/2026 02:55

Hmmm my best friend for years got into my 20s and realised I actually loved him more than a friend and decided not to say anything as didn't want to lose our friendship. One day we were at his mum's and while using the bathroom I heard her say "are you ever going to say anything to her and him mumble "I can't or I will lose my best friend to" later that day we were out with some other friends and after eating they wandered next door to a different pub and we stayed at the first and I just burst out "I like you more than a friend" people around us must have thought we had been drinking because he jumped up, came around the table looked straight at me and said omg I've loved you for ever......we've been married for 22 years and 9 kids and I'm still as happy as that day

beasmithwentworth · 01/04/2026 04:23

Is there a way of testing it out without being too direct.. ie if you are out somewhere and conversation is flowing could you say something along the lines of ‘sometimes I wonder if we should just be done with it and we give it a go’ in a kind of jokey way and see how he reacts? That way oh are not quite bearing your soul but still hinting 🤔

Tamtim · 01/04/2026 05:54

Be really honest with yourself - has he given any indication that he has feelings for you? You can usually pick up how a person feels about you.

TigTails · 01/04/2026 06:32

Watcher1984 · 01/04/2026 02:55

Hmmm my best friend for years got into my 20s and realised I actually loved him more than a friend and decided not to say anything as didn't want to lose our friendship. One day we were at his mum's and while using the bathroom I heard her say "are you ever going to say anything to her and him mumble "I can't or I will lose my best friend to" later that day we were out with some other friends and after eating they wandered next door to a different pub and we stayed at the first and I just burst out "I like you more than a friend" people around us must have thought we had been drinking because he jumped up, came around the table looked straight at me and said omg I've loved you for ever......we've been married for 22 years and 9 kids and I'm still as happy as that day

His mother absolutely knew you would overhear lol. She was smart. 😂

Daygloboo · 01/04/2026 07:09

Didimum · 30/03/2026 15:51

It's not really a friendship if you're pining away in the background (or foreground, as it sounds). It's not good for you – it'll be stopping you from finding someone else meaningful and if he gets into a relationship, it will be very hurtful to you.

In the words of Taylor Swift: My advice is to always ruin the friendship, better that than regret it for all time.

Good advice...and it's not really friendship now anyway, it's desire.

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