To not have told him?

[sarahtsq]

I was sterilised in 2020. I assumed it failed as I had a miscarriage in 2022. I thought it was a one off, til I started having weird symptoms. It was put down to IBS. I started taking the pill just in case.

met a guy in January. Told him I was sterilised. Explained it was reversible if we wanted kids in future. Didn’t go into detail as we had only just met!

2 weeks (and a sigmoidoscopy later) it confirmed to have failed. In conversation I mentioned my pill and he asked why I was on it if I was sterilised. So I explained it had failed.

he dumped me the following month, saying I’d lied by omission and it was a red flag he couldn’t come back from. (He has trust issues). He wasn’t bothered what contraception I was on, he felt I had lied to him and hidden the failure from him. Even though I was on the pill the entire time.

there’s many other issues not related to this but this was apparently the one thing I did wrong.

i don’t feel it was that wrong to not tell someone in the first 2 weeks? In my head it’s irrelevant as I’m on contraception either way, and I told him when it was confirmed. I suppose I could’ve told him sooner but why?

OP, you were only together for a few weeks and he dumped you nearly two months ago.

It's a shame but I really do think you need to move on rather than keep re-hashing it on MN.

Last time you posted about this it included that you are currently pregnant by him?

But there IS a difference. Being on the pill still poses a small risk of pregnancy. Being sterilised doesn't. The OP misrepresented the risks of an unwanted pregnancy.

Is female sterilisation reversible?

Yeah you're right. I realised after I posted that she had the pregnancy also.

Of course yabu. your sterilisation had failed you knew this and didn't tell him. No one is buying the I didn't understand it had failed malarkey.

I believe I also saw your other post. What are you hoping to gain here?

We were together for nearly 3 months and he dumped me at the start of march but I agree.

Sterilisation also has a small risk and I told him this. He said he wasn’t bothered what contraception I was on, he said he didn’t care if it was the pill or sterilised or anything else, he just felt lied to.

You didn't meet him until January and he dumped you a few weeks ago when you started your previous thread?

You didn’t tell him the risk had been realized though, did you? ‘There’s a potential that this could happen’ is very different to ‘this has happened’.

You explicitly mentioned that sterilizations could fail, when you knew that yours already had. You had every opportunity to tell him the truth then, rather than present actual reality as an abstract concept.

That is deceptive. He had every reason to feel lied to, and to walk away.

i also told him directly that I had had the sterilisation before the miscarriage, because he directly asked if that’s why I was sterilised but he denies remembering that conversation. And conveniently every other conversation where he’s wrong.

PP are saying that you posted about this scenario before and that you're pregnant by him right now.

Are you? Is this why you can't let go?

It doesn’t even sound like you like him. You did lie to him though. Surely not being with him it’s a win-win?

Does he think that by "it failed" you mean you got pregnant by him and terminated the pregnancy? Because that's what I thought when I read it at first.

But yeah, it's kinda suss. You were sterilised, but then he catches you with the pill weeks later and you're like "oh yeah it failed" having not known you long i can understand him thinking "ah fuck this, too much hassle already.

@sarahtsq Are you pregnant?

A few things OP.

I remember your previous thread (you said you were pregnant by him) and I can’t remember details but the entire “relationship” sounded like a complete shit show.

Do you know how pregnancy actually occurs because it appears you don’t have much of a grasp of human biology. Your sterilisation failed because you tell pregnant. Chemical or not, egg met sperm and fertilised.

You said the failure was confirmed by sigmoidoscopy? I am not sure how as a sigmoidoscopy is a camera into your rectum not your vagina.

Hadn't he blocked you? Because he and a friend said you'd baby trapped him?

I think you need to focus on your situation with the baby rather than him and who was right/wrong. I don't think you'll talk him around to your way of thinking and I don't think you should want to

You're kidding? Well who would've thought! Her plan all along then I was right...

Wait hang on though OP claims to be on the pill the entire time? You must be extremely fertile @sarahtsq

I don’t think I’m extremely fertile. He thinks he is, not sure why. I didn’t want a baby. There was no baby trapping. This is an absolute nightmare. He didn’t block me, i blocked him after he got nasty. Either way thank you for the replies, clearly i was wrong to not tell him it failed sooner. I can own that.

the sigmoidoscopy was for another reason entirely, nothing to do with my lady bits, it was to do with malabsorption and possible bowel cancer, they suggested this affected my pill, due to symptoms etc as well.

the relationship was a shit show and he’s got a lot of anger and trust issues which were apparent before the pregnancy, a lot of issues generally and is largely the reason for TOP.

That sounds really tough and like you've had some very unfortunate luck. The thing is if you'd told him about the sterilisation failing he could've taken the decision to wear condoms. I know he could anyway, but probably didn't see the need. He's probably very mixed up about what happened and I'm not entirely sure you can blame him for thinking you baby trapped him under the circumstances.

Your story keeps changing though! Are you currently pregnant by him or not?!

Well still, sigmoidoscopy looks at the very last bit of your bowel. The pill is absorbed much higher up in your small intestine. You said the sterilisation was confirmed failed and now you are saying you have malabsorption of the pill? Your story is changing a lot so can completely see how he feels you trapped him.

I think OP, it does appear you have gotten pregnant semi on purpose.

For future, only condoms will be protective against pregnancy. Please use them and tell partners you can’t take the pill. Do not mention the sterilisation as it hadn’t worked so is null and void.

Surely being pregnant was a pretty strong indication that it had failed op. I’m sorry for your loss and to Sound flippant about it but you knew it had failed and lied to him.