Would you feel differently about a friend if they were a refugee?

[newtothegym]

In the last couple of years I have become good friends with someone I met at a community group. They told me a few months ago that they came to the UK as an asylum seeker and that they've recently been granted refugee status. Would this change your opinion or feelings towards them? Why or why not?

Has it changed yours? And if so, in what way?

Why would it? Does it affect how they are as a person, or the reasons you became friends in the first place? It sounds a little like you attach a negative value to a person who is living in a refuge.

I have a friend who is a refugee. Two actually. Both came as refugees and not as asylum seekers. It's not entirely uncommon for asylum seekers to find their status changed after their arrival. Lots of people I speak to on a daily basis struggle to truly understand the difference and obviously it becomes more complex based on an individual's circumstances on top of where they left and why. Why would it would make a difference?

If they were a good person why should it.

Differently in what way?

I'd be very interested to hear their story. I might be a bit in awe of them, as I can't imagine what it's like to leave everything and everyone you know like that, but I can't imagine it would change my feelings towards them as a person, certainly not negatively.

It would illuminate my view of them - how could something so major not?

I have a very good friend who came here as a refugee - she came following a journey that began when she crossed a border aged 12 caring for 2 younger siblings to meet relatives / agents of relatives. Her Mum joined a few months later then they were able to come here.

She is fantastic -skilled, clever, and the peril her family were in (her father was a dissenter against a tyrannical regime) and her courage on making a journey alone with 2 siblings adds to my admiration for her.

Yes, it would make me care about them one helluva lot more.

Are you implying that it put you of them because they're one of those awful asylum seekers

No, of course not - except to make me feel humbled at their resilience.

My mum taught English at night school to "illegal immigrants" (not UK). Most of them had been through hardships, and worked hours, that privileged people from developed countries could not even fathom. Several became family friends.

I assume you already knew they were from overseas. Asylum is just one of the ways people manage to get a visa for the West. Doesn’t mean anything else really.

No.

I have several friends who came here from other countries. This is no different.

My concern would be that I'd been a good friend with them for 18 months and didn't know. A casual acquaintance I wouldn't expect or need to know but it would make me wonder if we were as good friends as I thought. Same as if I found out they were married.

No. One of my good friends came on the homes for Ukraine scheme.

She’s no different from me in that she wants the best for her and her family.

I am always filled with admiration for people who have enough get up and go to - well- get up and go.

I'd be interested in their story and respectful of their drive and determination.

Not at all, if I liked them before I’d still like them.
I have lived abroad but out of choice not necessity, I’d really feel for them being exiled from their homeland (as such).

It would not change my opinion of them of them, unless I found out they had lied about something significant on their application.

I’m baffled that this is even a question- why would it change your opinion/feelings towards them?

Absolutely!

I have a friend/colleague who I worked with for a number of years before learning that she came to our country as a refugee when she was 2. While she didn't remember a lot of the journey herself, she was happy to share the stories her parents told her. She was 2 at the time, so didn't speak English until she started school. Wanting to be like everyone else, at 5 years old, she dragged her mother to the shop to look for the yellow food the other children had on their sandwiches, she just wanted to be like everyone else. It took her and her mother quite a while to work out what it was, eventually they worked it out and she did get to take cheese sandwiches to school.

I'm in Australia and also a teacher, so it was great when we talked about immigration in the Year 6 curriculum, we always had her come and talk to the students and have her answer their questions. It was wonderful for the students to hear her experiences and how her and her two siblings grew up as proud Vietnamese Australians.

I liked her before knowing what her family had been through, but I've admired her even more since as she's such a good role model for young people.

I imagine I'd feel more positively/ protectively towards them. That's a hell of a thing to go through.

What do you think, OP?

Noooo… I have lots of friends, neighbours, colleagues from a variety of backgrounds including refugee.. so for example one of my ex colleagues was originally a Muslim refugee from who fled Sri Lanka during their civil war & ended up becoming a Romanian citizen; he went to uni there & got professional qualifications then was able to come and work in the UK as an EU citizen. He worked here for a few years in his professional job & also actually self published a book about his life experiences which I bought.
He then went back to Romania about 3 years ago to marry a Romanian woman he’d known.
I often see his updates on Facebook; usually he shares stuff about his work events; skiing & holidays with his wife & son. So from being a poor refugee years ago, he has a great lifestyle.

Also actually I’ve known / met quite a few people (obviously mostly long gone now) who fled to the UK as refugees from Europe pre or post ww2.
And my Nan Rita went to school in Manchester 1930 —1939 with many girls from Russian & German Jewish refugee families. Her friends were Yetta & Dora.

One of my closest friends came to this country as a refugee from Gaza.

Genuinely do not understand why it would unless you were prejudiced.

Of course not! And I can't imagine why anyone would.

One of my friends is a refugee.

I would feel immense empathy for them and would admire their determination to take that leap of faith for a better and safer life.