Would you feel differently about a friend if they were a refugee?

[newtothegym]

In the last couple of years I have become good friends with someone I met at a community group. They told me a few months ago that they came to the UK as an asylum seeker and that they've recently been granted refugee status. Would this change your opinion or feelings towards them? Why or why not?

Do you feel like they lied to you?

No, because I’m not a massive bellend.

I’m super tired and misread the title as “… if they were a referee”. Disappointed that I’m not going to find out about a hidden dark side of sport refereeing 🙃

Such an odd question OP

Especially since you didn't answer it yourself and just buggered off?

I don't get it OP

I'd probably respect the hell out of them and be glad they'd got their status to remain.

Why...?

My late parents were friends with a refugee couple they for to know in the later 1990s.
A Czezh couple, older than them, who lived in the neighborhood, and frequented the same shops. The man died reasonably soon after they got to know them.
Apparently they hadn't long got married but had to escape from the Germans as they were Jewish. They'd boarded a late night train out of the country, but got a tip off that there were Nazi soldiers ahead who were going to stop and search the train, so they literally jumped off whilst it was moving and somehow eventually illegally made their way to England.
My parents thought of them both with high regard for their bravery.

No the traits of a person and they're personality is what draws us to become friends with others

Their not they're.doh.

This feels like another of those threads which should have "two sides of A4, you have an hour, start now" at the end of the first post. Will OP come back to mark everyone's work?

Yes! I would think- bloody hell, they must have had some very difficult and probably dangerous or traumatic life experiences in the past. How awful for them.
I would also admire how brave they must be to seek a new life here.
Id also hope they have not faced any horribleness from the flag shaggers .

This.

I'm Australian, a friend came here by boat from Iran many years ago. He's Christian and that's a big no-no in Iran. His family were utterly persecuted. He spent 8 years in Australian detention (don't get me started on that) and even once he was released it took further years to find work, housing and stability.

He's an awesome man who'd do anything for anyone. He was a tailor in Iran but now works as a painter simply to earn a living. He was able to bring his elderly mother here for 3 months recently, but she had to go back. If it were up to me she'd stay here too. Nobody should have to live with such fear and instability.

The only way it's changed my opinion is to think that they're even stronger, braver and admirable than I thought before that. Since they told me our friendship has definitely deepened.

I'm (pleasantly!) surprised that so many of your responses have been positive, given the often negative attitudes towards asylum seekers coming here. What is it that makes this scenario different compared to the feeling towards asylum seekers? I don't know how my friend got here, it could well have been illegally and via boat.

My friend came illegally by boat, but if you're facing death you can't really blame them! I'm astonished at his bravery and resilience, and truly his life since being here hasn't been an easy one. It's just better than what he had before.

I would probably feel more protective, then worry I was being patronising for feeling like that.

No, why would it?

The only thing it would change is that I'd now be mindful that they must have been in a pretty traumatic situation before they came here, and to tread carefully around the subject. Otherwise, no, it would make no difference to me.

Having watched The Swimmers (excellent film btw) this afternoon, the only possible thing would be admiring their tenacity, bravery and strength

My dad and his family were refugees so no I would not feel differently to them.

I do have a very good friend who is a refugee. I’ve got immense respect for her because of it.

Yes. I'd feel admiration at the journey they've survived, and their resilience. And I'd probably feel a smidge of pride that, despite the best efforts of social media and a highly vocal band of naysayers, we remain a country where people are welcomed.

No why would it this is a weird question

Of course. I'd feel they were tainted, I'd worry about my social standing and I'd end the friendship immediately. Safety first.....

Good god. What an odd question. And you're pleasantly surprised by the responses? I work with asylum seekers and shock horror, they are normal people. I've met doctors, judges, housewives and everything in between. The women (I mostly deal with them) have been nothing short of remarkable the way they have mobilised. I know of one who came illegally in the back of a van when she was eight months pregnant. I don't have more respect for them simply because they are asylum seekers/refugees, but because they are largely great people.

if I was friends with someone for two years I would have worked out a long time ago the circumstances under which they might have arrived here. How odd.

I should add: the asylum process is grueling and there is so much trauma attached to it. They are not housed in 5* hotels, nor given £3k a month or a brand new car upon arrival (there you go, Daily Mail). I feel particularly strongly that children who have been through this process are given special status such as priority school admission, contextual university offers etc as it massively impacts their family life in a negative way. There is so much uncertainty, upheaval and reliving of the trauma and this certainly does not go away once they are given refugee status. The label of being a refugee stays with them forever. There's an excellent book called People Like Us by Hashi Mohamed who came to the UK as an unaccompanied child minor. He went on to be the UK's first Somali barrister, but the trauma is very deep rooted and despite his now privileged lifestyle his sense of insecurity will never shift.