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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Could someone please help me understand dhs mental health issues?

93 replies

Swellarella · 29/03/2026 12:36

Please could anyone help me? Obviously we are going to get proper advice as soon as he can speak to a psychiatrist but we have no idea when that will be .

He is a lovely man. Genuinely kind loving protective sweet funny generous hardworking loyal.
He has major childhood trauma and adhd. He had a breakdown 3 years ago was given 4 months off work. Since then he has been on 150mg of serttaline and he wants to come off so has been on 100mg since last august. He has weekly trauma focused therapy.
Yesterday followibg a trauma trigger he came home kind of white and I was expecting we would get on with jobs cooking then going out to do some nice bits in town. He was monosyllabic I asked what was wrong and he just seemed to morph didn't look like himself and started speaking in what seemed like some kind of wicked wirch / Yoda voice and he started saying terrible things - he didn't seem like himself and I was like oh my god go and rest you don't seem well and I meant this very genuinely I was concerned but he kept raising his voice in this weird way. Hard to describe but I was really scared as it was freaking me out. I was like ok you seem ill I'm going out please rest and the last thing I remember him saying was 'swellas got an ill partner poor swella she's got an ill partner' in this creepy witchy voice.
I left the house for 2 hours cried my eyes out in the supermarket carpark spoke to Samaritans and when I got home he was asleep. I woke him up and asked if he was ok and said if he did the whole devil voice again to me he would have to go to a hotel. Ar which point the devil voice started up again and I was like that's it enough you are terrifying me you need to go. So he drove off. He came back and hour later crying and saying sorry I said if you do that again you go, you are frightening me.
He started a tiny bit I was like that's enough and he stopped. We had people coming over he then cleaned and prepped with me and then was quiet at dinner but not noticeably odd or out of sorts. This morning we have talked I was like what the hell? And he said he has no memory of speaking like that and behaving like that and I asked it it was involuntary to talk like that and he said yes he has no recollection and doesn't know what he was saying. He seems to have some control as when it was the option of the hotel he stopped and he was fine in front of friends.

Is this mental illness like psychosis I've got no idea?
Or is this deliverable behaviour desisnrd to control?

I have no idea how to help and feel I'm at my limit.

OP posts:
WombatStewForTea · 29/03/2026 12:40

Not sure why you're making this about you: you cried in the carpark for hours and you told him to leave.
If you were worried about him why not call 111 and attempt to get him some mental health support

Fleurdalys · 29/03/2026 12:42

You actually had people over when he was acting like this?

rubyslippers · 29/03/2026 12:43

I would have immediately called 111 and asked for urgent advice re a severe mental health episode
Why did you leave him?
do you have kids
do you think he’s stopped taking his meds for example.

MrTiddlesTheCat · 29/03/2026 12:44

You woke him up to tell him off?

PermanentTemporary · 29/03/2026 12:45

Please call 111 option 2 to attempt to get some mental health support. He sounds acutely unwell and needs professional help.

If you are scared of him then of course you can leave but do try to get him some help.

Swellarella · 29/03/2026 12:46

No kids
Definitely taking his meds
I don't know it's a major mental health episode the nfitb before we were holding hands in the theatre I'm blindsided by it

OP posts:
Birdsongisangry · 29/03/2026 12:46

He was severely unwell and you sent him away? He needs urgent medical help.

ChickenBananaBanana · 29/03/2026 12:47

You reacted really bizarrely op

Swellarella · 29/03/2026 12:47

I didn't wake him up to tell him off, no. Look I know it's fun to pick the op apart to have a pop but I'm genuinely trying to support him I don't know what is wrong with him or where to turn!

OP posts:
AliTheMinx · 29/03/2026 12:48

I'm no expert, but it sounds like psychosis or schizophrenia. Please seek help as soon as you can. Take care.

ChickenBananaBanana · 29/03/2026 12:48

You support him by getting him help not fucking him off out the house!!!!

Swellarella · 29/03/2026 12:48

I think I handled it badly that's why I'm posting here

OP posts:
Plump82 · 29/03/2026 12:48

Can't say I saw any evidence of you trying to support him in your OP!?

cestlavielife · 29/03/2026 12:48

If he is in some kind of crisis call999
Paramedics can come assesshim
Sending him to a hotel rather than a and e makes no sense

And yes continue to get support for you
Speak to your gp

Pickledonion1999 · 29/03/2026 12:48

Sounds like it could be a psychotic episode and he needs to be seen especially against the backdrop of previous breakdown.
Don't let him drive whilst he is in this state and for goodness sake you don't need vistors over, why on earth would you not just cancel under the circumstances of him being in a state of distress?
Someone above made a good point of medication. has he suddenly withdrawn the sertraline? This could be a factor.

Birdsongisangry · 29/03/2026 12:49

Swellarella · 29/03/2026 12:46

No kids
Definitely taking his meds
I don't know it's a major mental health episode the nfitb before we were holding hands in the theatre I'm blindsided by it

He could be experiencing psychosis, it could be a type of disassociation, it isn't for people on the internet to guess though, he's unwell and you should be getting him medical attention not getting annoyed at him. The fact he was well the night before doesn't mean he can't become unwell the next day FFS.

ZooblesSpringToLife · 29/03/2026 12:50

You're getting a hard time here OP and I don't think that's fair - living with someone with severe mental health issues is hard and can be terrifying. It's the old oxygen mask analogy; make sure you are in a safe place and then call for urgent medical help.

Pickledonion1999 · 29/03/2026 12:50

Swellarella · 29/03/2026 12:47

I didn't wake him up to tell him off, no. Look I know it's fun to pick the op apart to have a pop but I'm genuinely trying to support him I don't know what is wrong with him or where to turn!

You know enough that this is not normal behavior and that he is in some kind of crisis especially given the background of a breakdown. Your first action should have been to seek help. You called the samaritans for yourself surely they advised you to get him assessed asap?

Birdsongisangry · 29/03/2026 12:51

And as others have said, you contact emergency services for an emergency. 999 if he's in crisis or 111 if you think he can wait. But it's urgent treatment he needs, not waiting till office hours. By nature this is unpredictable and he needs to be assessed.

cestlavielife · 29/03/2026 12:52

Yeh.
Next time
make sure you are in a safe place and then call for urgent medical help.
Plan.keep a mobile charged and on you at all times.
He may need admitting to hospital

PermanentTemporary · 29/03/2026 12:52

You could take him to A&E.

My Dh had very severe MH problems including psychosis and eventually died because of them and I think this is urgent.

Swellarella · 29/03/2026 12:53

I can see I handled it badly but I was terrified and I didn't know why he was talking like that. It was completely terrifying.

OP posts:
PermanentTemporary · 29/03/2026 12:53

Yes it’s really frightening. Please share the load with professionals asap.

Birdsongisangry · 29/03/2026 12:54

Swellarella · 29/03/2026 12:53

I can see I handled it badly but I was terrified and I didn't know why he was talking like that. It was completely terrifying.

Put that aside for a minute. He still needs to be assessed, neither of you know if this will come back or not. Please contact 111 and see if they'll arrange for someone to see him.

cestlavielife · 29/03/2026 12:54

Ok and next time you know what to do. You leave house and call 999 and say your dh is having a mh crisis episode. Abd that you are terrified and he needs help.

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