Am I stupid 🙄

[dollytea]

Where I live with my 5 year old daughter only has 11 houses and is gated so a community feel, everyone knows everyone, bbqs in the summer, kids play together etc.
2 years ago a lovely man moved in, having not long separated from his wife. We’ve been in each others company’s probably 5 times, with other residents,
not alone, other than bumping into each other when leaving the house. We get on as everyone does.
bumped into him when going out a few days ago, he said now the weathers getting better (debatable) when I have the kids shall I give you a call and you can bring your daughter out and they can play, so I said yeah that would be nice, couple of minutes later he said, if you fancy it we could go the new Greek one night if you’re free see what it’s like? I just said yeah can do (not really wanting to go and hoping he just said it but it’ll never happen kinda thing) anyway, he just called and said he’s taking the kids soft play if I want to go, I made excuses as I don’t really want to go and struggled to get off the phone, he can talk, he dropped in “our upcoming date” to the Greek, I was a really shocked he thought it was a date.
Am I thick to have thought this was just as friends and the kids playing together would be nice.
i have absolutely never given him any reason to think i would see him that way other than being friendly and chatting to him. I know I need to put him straight but feel so awkward now am thinking I am silly to think a man would want to go for dinner as friends.
how do I tell him without making things between us weird.
I feel like I’ve been naive and stupid and it might be my fault for agreeing to dinner.

The kids stuff fine, but I would have assumed the Greek restaurant suggestion was a date yes. Sounds like a nice enough guy, you could give it a chance but if youre not interested at all, just be clear you're happy to meet up with kids but not looking for anything romantic.

I think accepting the kids play date is just a parenting thing and wouldn’t give any indication you’re open to dating.

Accepting an invitation to dinner from him was accepting a “date” IMO. There’s obviously no obligation to continue dating after that initial date, but I would understand an invitation to dinner, separate to an invitation to spend time together with the kids, to mean he is asking you on a date.

This, I'd have understood an adult trip to the Greek restaurant was a date. I'd just tell him straight if you aren't interested now in a nice way so he's not continuing to get the wrong idea. The sooner the better.

It does indeed sound like he's interested in you romantically, but to me there's nothing unusual about a man and a woman going to a restaurant as friends. I do so frequently, with various female friends, and in fact will be having lunch with one a bit later.
But this guy is probably after a romantic link. Just say it as it is, and tell him you're not interested in that.

You said yes to a date so he’s discussing arrangements with you. He’s done nothing wrong. If you’ve changed your mind and don’t want to date then tell him.

You’ve given him mixed messages. You said yes and any normal person would take that as a….yes. So if you don’t want to do anything then say that clearly. Not yea we can, when you mean no

I would not have thought this was an invitation to a date either OP. HOWEVER, I have come home a number of times, apologising to my DH, because I inadvertantly went on a date with someone who I thought was just looking to grow a budding friendship. I think date invites are often really vague, and only when I was on a dating site (I was on Guardian Soulmates back in the day) was it clear to me that a date was being arranged. I don't think this is being stupid though, I call it naive.

He asked you out on a date to a restaurant without any other neighbours or the kids and you said yes. So yes this one is on you. Not sure why you need to make it like a bad man and a victim situation though, why shouldnt he ask you out on a date? What’s actually wrong with that? He’s not prowling and coming after you, he’s being nice. If you don’t like him that’s fine also.

Asking someone out to dinner when you don’t know them very well is definitely a date.
You need to put him straight quickly or he’ll feel humiliated when he’s done nothing wrong.

Accept the kids play stuff, but say “not sure about the restaurant, I’m not really doing adult social stuff at the moment “

Or something.

Yes, it was obviously supposed to be a date.

I have 2 male friends who I go for lunch/dinner with and they are not dates.
someone said I’m making him out to be a bad man and likes he’s prowling 😂 i absolutely haven’t even thought of him in that way, so that’s wrong!
he just dropped it into the convo and I didn’t even have time to think if it was just dinner or a date.
I have realised from the comments I am stupid/naive 😂 I hate this kind of thing and find it so awkward, I wished he’d have said, do you want to go on a date.
I don’t want to date anyone, it’s not just him, I like being single.

It’s different going for a meal with your friends, a guy you hardly know asking you out for a meal alone is a date though! Nothing wrong with him asking or not wording it how you’d have liked. Just let him
know you aren’t up for dating anyone

Sorry but I think him asking you out for a meal is going for a date.
You say you go for lunch etc with male friends but presumably that's a longstanding arrangement and you have known them a long time.
I think you should have said no when he initially asked you to go to the Greek, especially if you didn't want to go.

So, this is on me and not him! I’ve now made it awkward if we bump into each other and don’t know how to tell
him without making him feel embarrassed.

When he brings up the restaurant next time (if you want to go as friends) then just say something like it will be nice to get to know him better as a friend because all the residents are really friendly. Or just tell him straight you’re not up for dating

If you don’t know someone well/aren’t already firm friends, asking someone to dinner is pretty clearly asking them on a date.
Going for dinner with firm friends is different and of course quite common. This guy is not your firm friend.

Tell him your not looking to date at the moment and hadn’t realised it was a date when he asked so sorry if you gave him the wrong impression

Can you text him, “not sure if we got our wires crossed, we’re just going to the Greek as friends aren’t we?”

The last 2 suggestions sound like the best way to let him know, I feel bad though and don’t to make things awkward, I hate this kind of thing and am a baby with letting people down.

Yikes, yes of course it was a date lol a bloke you barely know asks you to dinner, always assume date unless he says otherwise, as he’s not your friend and I’m a little agog you think he is enough of a friend he’d want to go to dinner with you on that basis.

@Notsosweetcarolinei’m obviously very silly and naive and am feeling it too! I just wouldn’t have thought someone would ask another person on a date, when there’s been zero flirting or inclination that I feel that way, but I was married for 15 years plus so I don’t have much experience.

You say he’s a lovely man. Would you actually consider him as a date?

He asked you on a date, to which you agreed. You're an adult, you know exactly what he meant.

As pps have said, you will have to go back and tell him you aren't looking to date.

Well done to him for being brave and doing it the old fashioned way!