To ask for your experiences raising a quirky child?

[Catchtheice]

I don’t know if quirky is the right word but my DD is quite unique in her ways. Outside making friends with a ‘worm with a nice face’, always coming up with elaborate stories and games. Spent two full days playing with an empty water bottle, tucking it up in her cot etc at night. Brilliant imagination and really good speech but just seems a bit alternative compared to others her age. At a local club recently she was perfectly happy but it did seem more like she was trailing around after the others rather than in the middle of things. She is 3 and a half so I know it’s young but I do worry especially as girls can be so cruel, whether she will get on ok and how best to support her. She is a fantastic clever little girl and I just want her to be happy. I’d love to hear any experiences of raising a more unique child and hopefully some positive ones too.

Mine was a bit like that. Seemed OK at primary though only a few friends, although only afterwards told us they weren't very happy there and felt disliked by peers. Really found their own crew at secondary and now has lots of friends from different settings. About to have a session to potentially diagnose autism/ADHD at nearly 18.

Always encouraged them to be themselves and supported their talents and interests and that's all you can do. They have done excellently at school and are all set for university, where I think they'll thrive.

I thought all little kids were weird? Maybe just all of mine 🤣

None of that sounds at all unusual for a three year old.

She sounds utterly amazing.

Like with all of them, try to feed her interests and please don't attempt to round her edges to make her fit in. I have an older DD who is bonkers, but also happy and very popular.

Worm with a nice face is hilarious, and something my DD would absolutely do. Mine is the same age as yours and she’s similar, honestly I just let her do what she wants. She’s a little weirdo and we love it! We’ll tackle the mean girl stuff if it comes but to be honest she’s so head strong I think she’ll sort it out herself. Reframe it - how lucky are you that you have such an interesting, funny little girl?!

Check out Stephen Spencer on instagram he writes the most wonderful songs based on the stories of his 3 year old child- imagination is a wonderful thing, keep encouraging her to create stories. My dad before I went to uni gave me a fridge magnet with a Japanese proverb on ‘the challenge in life is to be yourself in a world that makes you like everyone else’ embrace her quirky side and see where it takes her- she will find her tribe!

My son is an old soul. You’ll have everyone on here telling you she’s neurodivergent. My son isn’t he’s just random.he was just the same when he was little, imagination was wild. He’s 10 this year and has alway been quirkey. He loves old music. His favourite singer is Paul McCartney, he loves reading, he loves ancient Egypt but not just the stuff they learn in school he loves all the random stuff about it.

She’s a typical three year old. Encourage her imagination, don’t worry about others.

Thanks everyone for your responses. I think I will find it a challenge to not try round her edges as another poster put it. Those saying it’s typical 3 year old. I’m not sure. Most of her cousins at that age and those the same age as her are out on the slide/swings playing not hanging out with insects and inside they’re more likely to be playing with toys or wanting to play a board game type thing rather than off in imagination land. So for me I don’t think it’s typical.

She sounds great. My DD6 definitely has her quirks. She’s thriving socially tho, seems to have found a group just like her. It’s funny, I can already see that the girls in her class are in distinct groups and hers is the quirky one!
given that she’s your DD, she’s wonderful and comparison being the thief of joy etc… just enjoy her! No point worrying about stuff you can’t change. I think it’s good advice to lean into it and embrace the niche stuff about her. Make a house for the worm, clothes for the water bottle, show her that love and acceptance will always be with you, this will help her find that in friendships when she starts school.

She sounds brilliant! A little bit quirky, but mot beyond the bounds of normal 3 year-old behaviour. She's a character. She'll probably go far in life! My dd was like this. Very imaginative and a bit off-tye-wall as a small child. Turned out to be very academically bright and has suspected ADHD, but signs of that didn't really show until post-puberty. She's 20 now and in her last year of uni. She's always been a strong personality - good with people, plenty of friends, but very individual, not one to follow the crowd or try to fit in with what others think.

She sounds great-and she sounds 3! Please don’t go down the “girls can be so cruel” line. It’s sexist, misogynist rubbish. Yes, children can be unkind to each other sometimes-learning how to negotiate that is part of what we help them with.

She sounds just like mine was, just lovely, allow her to keep being herself and keep using that imagination. We had a guinea pig made out of mown grass for several weeks one summer (she was quite sad when he fully dried up and had to go!) Now we have worm patrol to prevent people hurting or treading on worms.

Also, just to reassure you, I've been around a lot of children and this really is not particularly unusual.

My kids were both a bit crazy, and full of wacky imagination. It’s normal.

I thought you were going to say 6. She's only 3. In terms of getting on with peers, it's not really usual for them to play with others until they are over four. Most don't acknowledge each other or care about each other. I wouldn't compare. Girls are made to feel weird if they aren't hyper social before their years in my opinion.

Maybe not typical, but I don’t think it’s beyond what would be a normal range of behaviour.

My 3 yr old does huge amounts of imaginary play like you describe, and was out playing in the garden by herself yesterday - coincidentally she also came inside to tell me about an insect she’d found (not sure what it was because according to her it was “a ladybird. But not red and has no spots”) . Her older sister never did anywhere near as much imaginary play. I don’t think either is unusual.

This is a very genuine question and it’s hard to word it in a way that doesn’t sound potentially unkind, but are you posting here actually looking for advice, or are you (even subconsciously) proud and wanting validation?

It does read a little as ‘she’s not like these other dull children who just want to play on the park’ and I do think we have to be careful as parents that we don’t pigeonhole too much and give them space to actually be who they are. I know a few quirky children and they are often a joy because they have a fabulous sense of humour. But … I also know a few children who want to be quirky and it comes across as a bit try hard and in all honesty a bit tedious.

She just sounds like a completely normal three-year-old to me.

I've got 4 dks, 7 gks,was a child minder,(nursing over 40 years as well) everyone has to have a label these,ND, we're all different. My youngest DD loved playing with worms, snails. Her oldest DD now 16, did the doggy pickup with me when she was 3, in the garden, I was wearing gloves, she proudly carried a dog poo over to me,all pleased (sans gloves)and said "here you are nanny". A few years later on the beach,I would be complaining about people not picking up and she would count them. A couple of years after that, she's revolted by them..a lot of "ewww",: she refuses to believe she picked one up. I do have an ND ds, RCBPD..a son who liked Action Man and ex said he wasn't having a son playing with dolls. All 4 kids had access to dolls, prams,cars, what ever they fancied playing with. 2 boys,2 girls,each one different.

What are you worried about exactly? She sounds completely normal but it sounds like your projections are going to set her up for a lifetime of feeling weird solely because her mother thinks she's weird.

My youngest was like this, very quirky. Used to take a potato to bed and out for walks, I just went with it to be honest, it was quite sweet. He's now a very normal teenager!

You'll get a lot of suggestions on here saying she might be ND. My DN was like this a young child, she was completely bonkers but absolutely awesome! She's 18 now and a talented artist and singer, she has lots of friends and is very confident and articulate.

Also quirky is not a bad thing, in fact both my kids are really drawn to quirky friends and they are always popular and everyone accepts them as they are and likes them for who they are. It's great, it takes all sorts!

Sounds totally normal for her age.