To go on holiday with my partner and not take my children?

[youregorgos]

I have my children Monday to Friday, ex has them Saturday and Sunday (Friday 7pm to Monday 7am). Children are 5&3.

I’m taking my children on a big 10 night holiday in May. I’d like to book a break with my partner in September (Monday to Sunday) but I’m feeling incredibly guilty. The break is a fairly cheap all inclusive.

My parents will have my children Monday to Friday while I’m away and they love their nan and grandad. Ex will have them Saturday and Sunday, then I’d pick them up on the Monday as usual.

Has anyone done this? Am I just being incredibly selfish?

I think go for it! I assume they love staying with their grandparents and if they will be well cared for then take the holiday.

No the point of the thread, but do you get no weekend time with your kids? Only the weekdays- that really sucks from your pov!

Go for it. Your children are having a holiday too so why not njoy a break with your partner.

I don't have relatives who could watch my kids but please do this. They will be happy with their grandparents and you'll hopefully have a lovely holiday. Don't feel guilty.

Loads of times. I split up from my ex husband when my son was 3 but we didn't sell our house till he was nearly 4. But even before we sold, I went away for a long weekend without either of them.

You share custody which is great for the kids but also a lot of work. You wouldn't think twice about leaving your kids with the grandparents for a while if you were still with your ex. Splitting up with an ex you still get on with well enough is a great opportunity for them to be looking after you while you're away and is one of the few upsides to it but you're not even doing that, you're leaving them with your parents. You are totally not being unreasonable.

This - you get the school /hard work and not the fun

but fine to go away esp as taking kids another time

I don't really understand that. I spend all week at work, my dc at school. At the weekend I WANT to be with my dc, not elsewhere.

DH and I have been on holiday without the kids several times, but we’re with them most of the time, you get very little time with your 5 year old if they’re in school in the week and you’re not seeing them on weekends. I wouldn’t go on holiday, and I would change that arrangement.

Why are people trying to make the OP feel bad about the Mon–Fri arrangement?
I think you should lay off.

OP, enjoy your holiday. Your kids will be with their other parent, who I assume they love and who I also assume knows how to look after them, and their GPs, who no doubt spoil them rotten!

Yep do it! I have! my kids have more holidays than me! So the rare time I want and adult only holiday they go to their dads or grandparents
don’t feel guilty it’s your life!

If you want to do it and the kids would be fine with GP and then Dad for a week, just do it. Don't bother with the guilt.

Guilt is totally pointless once you decide to do the thing. It's like dragging a big bag of rubbish around with you because you think you should but it doesn't change anything except make you feel crap. Just decide to set it down and walk away ... onto the plane or whatever. It's normal to miss your kids but you aren't obliged to feel guilty.

Not what you asked but did you consider offering their dad to have them for some of the extra days? He might be delighted to have more time with them (or maybe not), you'll probably have an idea.

Thanks all. I should’ve clarified I work every weekend so this arrangement works for us (I also pick up shifts in the week while the kids are at school/preschool).
It’s a shame but I look forward to the school holidays where I get Monday to Friday with them every week still.

Not at all trying to make her feel bad!

Just wondering how it came about and possible whether she could do with support in challenging it if she doesn’t want it.

Now obviously it could turn out that the OP works weekends, but as with a vast number of threads, it’s just something extra that popped out.

I will definitely ask their dad, it’s likely he’ll say no but he’d absolutely be welcome to have them if he wants too

That's not true.
I know you didn't say or suggest that, but someone says, 'At the weekend I WANT to be with my dc, not elsewhere.' and someone else says, 'DH and I have been on holiday without the kids several times, but we’re with them most of the time, you get very little time with your 5 year old… I wouldn’t go on holiday'.

Girl go! I’ve been away plenty with both BFs and friends while my DC were small. Just because you’re not with the children's father anymore, doesn’t mean you don’t deserve a break away - if you were still together, surely you’d be planning occasional trips without the children?

And feck any posters here trying to make you feel bad… ‘I actually WANT to spend time with my children!’ 🙄 Oh do fuck off Margaret, people are allowed a life outside of their children.

Ah - x post! So as you were!

I’m sure you do look forward to the holidays.

There seem to be quite a few men out there who feel entitled to this arrangement so always worth asking if an OP is happy with it, I think.

What isn’t true about what I said?

Hate to get into a side argument but i really don’t think I said anything untrue!

I loved it when my parents went away for holiday. Fun week with grandma? Yes please.

I’m sure OP would much rather be with her children on a weekend but unfortunately that’s not always possible for some. People do work weekends so your comment is unfair

I did this and yes I felt guilty but it was bliss. We video chatted with the kids every night and my mum
was looking after them.

Same here! Never batted an eye when I went away and they stayed with grandparents. I did always offer their father any extra days as well, but he rarely took them.

Go for it. I hope you have a great week🍹

You’re quoting other posters and accusing @GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing of trying to make the OP feel bad. This poster asked a question which reading their replies came from a genuine place. The other two posters you’re quoting did seem to come from a place of trying to make OP feel bad with a side dig. So you’re wrong to bring this to this poster. You’re saying it’s not true that she isn’t trying to make OP feel bad because of what other posters said!

Mon - Fri is up to you and those critical would do well to remember that when they're in school that is 13 weeks where they're not in school. Weekdays only is not "no fun".

But if you are interested, I alternate weekends with my ex and we split the week between us. Been doing it for over a decade and it's always worked well. It means that we do need to talk a lot about school organisation but we both get fun downtime but we also have days we could concentrate on work and not have to rush back for pick up.