AIBU to think 80s parenting was often hands-off and unsupervised?

[N3wUs3rNam3Again]

Is this familiar to anyone else ? I was born in the 80s, my Dad worked a physical job long hours, often away and seemed to mostly sleep when home. My Mum worked part time, mostly school hours, although not when we were little, but she wasn't really a present mum, definitely not child focussed. I don't remember her ever playing with us, although she did read and sing to us at night.

I am 1 of 3 children, so was lucky I had 2 siblings to play with and keep me occupied. In the summer we spent a lot of time outside playing with neighbouring kids, this was without adult supervision, kids ages would range from 5-12, we'd be booted out at 9am. Go in for lunch then back out until 5, we'd go on adventures, get chased by farmers, the big kids looked after the little kids. Were streets safer? There were definitely less cars and more kids, so safety in numbers perhaps.

At home we had a television and a commodore 64, although spent more time watching the commodore 64 load than we did playing it. But I watched Tele, loads of it, Lassie, black beauty, little house on the prairie, the Walton's , neighbours, home and away, blockbusters, why don't you, heart beat, grange hill, BykerGrove, button moon, playschool, T bag, Timmy Mallet, the list is endless and I watched it all without parent oversight.

My parents and their friends, mostly our mum's, drank a lot at weekends, I remember many gathering aged from 5-11 either at our house or friend's where our mum's would get drunk and in the summer we kids would roam outside. We didn't get in to trouble, though I think that's due to luck more than anything. In the winter we'd pile in to a bedroom playing hide and seek in the dark , telling ghost stories, calling up spirits, playing truth or dare and raps (card game).

Even at the beach the parents didn't seem to supervise us, all the kids would be in the sea, mums sunbathing / sleeping but the older kids looked after the younger ones. Again it was probably more luck than anything that we didn't get into trouble.

All sounds quite lovely really even with absent parents although my mum was definitely present if we misbehaved or made a fuss and would give us a smack across our legs for bad behaviour and from memory I think we must have been pretty bad and often!

I just wondered really if my childhood was so totally different to everyone else's as reading posts on here, it seems everyone used to do it so much better than the parents who are doing it today. Don't get me wrong I had a happy enough childhood and my basic needs were met but just because my parents didn't give me a handheld screen to watch doesn't mean they were present and doing it better than the parent today who does.

AIBU - that is not how it was in the 80s for you and your parents were way more present than parents are today.

Parents are even more hands off now if both parents have to work full time, maybe your mum didn't play with you cos she had other things to do like cooking the tea, least you were made to go out and play unlike kids today

I could have written that about my childhood. It was exactly the same, except my dad didn't work away.
Thanks for the mention of the tv programmes, I loved T Bag.
I was born in 1982.

My mum never attended a parents meeting, never read to me, never took me to the dentist, took 3 years to convince her I couldn’t see and take me to the optician, never helped with homework. Hell , she didn’t even tell me about periods.

Yes there was work and housework, but also hours and hours of watching soap operas. I also work, but the housework tends to be on the side of crap , because I prioritise other things.

They would have been more aware- other Mum's would have been keeping an eye on everything going on, although we didn't realise it at the time. My parents ran a newsagents shop so they got regular updates from customers "by the way, your DD is at ours in case you were looking for her"☺️

My parents same. I was born in the 60s.mum and dad both worked full time. Cooked our own tea did our own washing as well as errands for them.
We had about 4 holidays in a holiday camp over the span of our childhood. They would disappear for hours on end. One time there was a massive storm and a lovely couple took us in. The camp site manager told my parents off but they didn't care.
Spent all our time outside. Never got into trouble.
Parents never went to parents evenings etc. They just wernt bothered.
We didn't have many clothes but mother did. New stuff every week for her and weekly hair do on her day off.
I survived and was a much better parent to my son as a consequence

Mine was bloody feral.

I had to be in for tea at 6.00pm, that was it. If they could farm me out, or palm me off on someone, they did, didn't matter if they were aggressive alcoholics, wife bashers, or worse.

It's amazing I still have my own teeth, no one ever bothered to check that I cleaned them, and given that my toothbrush was up two flights of stairs, I very rarely did!

We went off riding horses, bikes, and swimming in the back wash of some fierce rivers with no supervision. We were smoking at seven - in the stable attic no less!

From the above, you wouldn't know it, but I was from a relatively comfortable middle class family. . .

Oh, I was born in the 70's, and I don't know if my parents ever went to parent teacher nights, if they did they were very few. . .

I don't think there was the pressure on parents to actually spend time with their children. Parenting was ensuring your children grew up into useful members of society, so didn't show you up. That was it. Or at least it was in wc families like mine.

Yes, they took us to the park, swimming, days out in the summer, but my mum said she never felt that she had to actively make time to be with us and engage with us. She did what she had to do, and we flitted around her until we were bored. I spent hours and hours playing imaginary games with my sibling.

For me though, spending time with the dc was something actively planned, because of work and organised kid activities. And because we're told that we should spend time with our kids. I do think I'm a mix of 80s + 2000s parenting though. 1 of my dc has been free range since they were about 8, because there was a troop of other kids on our street at a similar age.

I didn’t have a lot of that - I raised by my grandparents, saw my parents when they were not working. I don’t think I’ve ever done anything ‘with’ my mum. Saturdays used to be me and my siblings home lot then we would head to church. We were not unhappy per se - but it doesn’t sound like your wonderful childhood. My mum is a totally different grandparent to parent now - it’s been interesting to witness. I do love her or hate her or my dad for how we were brought up - it’s just how it was 🤷🏻‍♀️

So? You write it as if it's a bad thing.

My childhood was similar, and kids are being raised in very similar ways now, where I'm from. Except for unsupervised swimming in the sea.

I see it somehow differently than you, though. We, kids, weren't 'booted out' from 9 am. We weren't forced to go out and play with our friends; we were raring to go. And actively upset if we weren't let out for one reason or another (illness, etc). Staying in and 'playing with my parents' instead of playing with my friends outside would have felt like punishment, not 'positive parenting'.

Watching tv unsupervised. Yes, we watched all kinds of cartoons, Lassie, etc. So? What's to supervise here? Sit with a kid and watch cartoons together? Just why? Or that kids saw some more adult stuff (horror movies, etc) earlier than 'allowed'. Yep, we sure did. It was fun and felt naughty. Don't see the problem.

Parents partied on weekends. Yes, mine did. Friends' parents too. And we, kids, stayed late, played games, and probably ate too much candy. Felt like a party to us too. It wasn't every weekend. Again, I'm no St Nun or MNetter with a 'thimblefull of sherry on Xmas' and don't see a problem with this. I'm now an adult, I have a teen, and I have drinks on weekends (and have had since she was a small child). Not even going to pretend to be sorry for it. That's normal.

Superwising when swimming - yeah, that should be done. And it was done in my case.

I was born in '88. To be honest, I'd much rather have my own childhood, and as I said, the kids have similar childhoods back home now in 2026. Than the UK helicopter bullshit. I'm not an extension of my kid, I'm not her personal plaything or clown, I'm not going to 'entertain' her every spare second of the day when we're together. It's healthy for a kid to learn to be alone, to entertain themselves by reading, playing, drawing, being with friends, etc. More independence is needed.

What my country does better is much less screen time, every teen is not riddled with 'anxiety', they're more independent, resillient and aren't being driven to school until they're 16 because mummy is scared to let them go on a bus alone. I prefer that, thanks.

Born in 1971, i was 9 by 1980, i lived semi rural so we roamed far and wide , had dens in the woods and played in the streams, learned to fail ( unlike today's generation) and learned common sence, which i feel.is sadly lacking in today's young people.
I don't agree with today's parenting strategy, when I have the youngsters of today at work they are so I'll prepared for life and work its shocking.

I don’t think it was sexual abuse as such but at 8 I was messing about with a boy from down the road. He was my age, in my class. I’m not sure we knew what the fuck we were doing or why we were doing it. I often wonder if he remembers it as vividly as I do, he must… We’d touch one another and at one point threatened to have sex “like they do on The Bill” . We didn’t get that far, had no idea how to. But yeah, I had done too much at 8.

I’m kind of happy my kids are sheltered from shit like that. My eldest is 16 and hasn’t even kissed anyone which suits me just fine thanks!

Wow. Why did you have kids if you don't want to play with them or do stuff together? I was raised by an alcohol who got drunk every weekend and it was horrible. I am now t-total and have been since 28 purely because I would never let my child be raised the same way. Some people go the same way though and some people do the opposite. For you to not see how neglectful your idea of parenting is, that's insane. I don't know what country your from but the 16 year old social media ban only just came in - get off your high horse. Not everyone's kids are screen junkies in England lol

Sounds the exact same to myself and friends only in the 90s. Don't know if i think it was better or not... but certainly very different to most approaches today.

70s/80s upbringing here. Definitely hands off parenting although weirdly controlling in lots of ways (my mother). She didn’t seem to enjoy parenting at all. I think Gen X just worked out lots of things for themselves.

I should add that I'm not equating hands off with uninvolved. We had independence but we also had a very close relationship and did lots with my parents too. I just think hands off means allowing your kids to do stuff without you.

I cannot envisage a situation on god’s green earth that would have made my mother get involved in a friendship drama. The very thought is actually making me chuckle.

Verrry familiar, although we were a large family of 9 kids, only 8 survived childhood, not to mention other major accidents and near misses. So much trauma that was avoidable through being present and responsible. Parents took us children for granted and inflicted emotional and physical abuse like it was the norm, in the name of discipline. Their philosophy towards us has always been, never say I love you/I'm proud of you/I care (it would spoil us). I'm so very glad parenting has changed although I do lament the freedom and recognize that mine was at the extreme end of 80s childhood 🤣

#Shakes head, I feel so sorry for today's kids. They are like hothouse plants. I was pretty wild, but loved (dogs, horses, pals, came home when it was dark.) Spent some time outside pubs in the car with Radio Luxembourg & pop & crisps!
My kids spent most of their time out with friends, too. Good times.

What modern appliances didn't they have? I was born in the 80s and my parents had the same appliances I do.
ETA- reading again I think you're referring to your grandparents not having the appliances when your parents were children?

I was an 80s parent. Usually had a house full of other people's children as my son was an only child. They were allowed to play out and around the playground which was behind our house. Plenty of freedom, but with caveats as to how far they could go. Also, never tried to argue with my son or reason with a 3 year old (as I have seen so much now) - I was boss. That's how it was then. There again, we didn't have MN or other sources of advice telling us how wrong we were doing it 😂

I think this is where the decade can make a difference. When I was young in the 70s my parents didn't have -

automatic washing machine (they had a twin tub)
tumble dryer (they had a spin dryer)
microwave (not widely available till the 80s)
Freezer (available but not ubiquitous as they became in the 80s)
car (more common in those days not to have one)
their own phone line (we had a party line shared with a house across the street - again more common in the 70s, something to do with STD codes being a recent innovation)
video recorder (not widely available in the 70s)
dishwasher (much less common in the 70s)

By the end of the 80s they had all those things bar the tumble dryer, which they still don't have (I don't have one either!).

This is so familiar!

thwre is too much organised fun nowadays. We just had a great time playing outin the streets

kids today are so busy with clubs and elaborate parties

I was 10 in 1980. But my parents were very protective although friends knocked for me I couldn't go out and play on the streets unless one of my parents watched me. My mum didn't play with me as much as I did with my kids but she used to love drawing and colouring with us.

I think this is an underreported reason for the falling birth rate.

Parenting is so much more of a hassle now, perhaps more than it has been in living memory.

The advances in knowledge may have changed things for the better in some ways, but the downside is that almost everything seems like a saga now.