AIBU that reducing under 5s screen time is way more complicated than just issuing guidelines?

[Lovelygreenpen]

This guidance is welcome. We need to know facts and risks to make informed choices. But choices often aren’t made entirely freely. Think about healthy eating and exercise guidance and how complicated these can be to follow due to costs and time.

How would following this under 1 hour rule change your daily routine?
Most parents need to work all the hours with COLC and decades of rising housing costs. working life also often expands to expect parents to be in contact from home outside of paid work hours.
How are busy parents supposed to manage? How are solo working parents specifically supposed to manage? Any family with more than one child?
And what about the screens used in childcare settings?
What are the responsibilities of the makers of the crazy overstimulating content for babies and kids?

We know women often have to do more domestic labour than men, even where they live with a male partner. Also, that the makers of the content aimed at kids specifically employ addictive techniques.

So how is this pressured wider environment going to change to make this recommendation more realistic?
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c1d936n7445o

I find threads like this fascinating; they really showcase how differently households run. What stands out most to me are the posters who seem genuinely baffled that anyone could be doing things differently, despite generations of families managing just that. I was raised by two working parents and still barely had the TV on, and my children are having the same experience. We do not own tablets, and our smartphones are tools for comms and navigation, with no games or entertainment apps. In answer to all the 'but how are you doing it?!' posters, I wonder if because we have always lived this way, it is easier than trying to change habits later. Not to say it's not possible, it's just going to be difficult listening to whinging and negotiating etc, and mostly people tend to avoid difficult if they can.

The big difference is that low screen used to be the default, not a choice. Television (and especially children's programming) was limited. Now, screens and child-focused content are constantly accessible, so for many people they have become the easier option. It is similar to ultra-processed food; the more available something is, the harder it is to avoid. You have to actively resist something designed to be appealing and addictive.

It is easier (imo only in the short term) to put a child in front of a screen to keep them quiet. It is simpler and quicker than packing activities or finding other ways to entertain them. In the same way, grabbing a packaged snack is more convenient than preparing alternatives. Humans tend to follow the path of least resistance, so it is not surprising people choose the easier route. You can see this even in childcare settings and schools. My children went to a largely outdoor forest school, and even there screens were occasionally used.

The challenge comes later, when they try to cut back and realise how difficult that is. Which unfortunately the more we as a society learn about the negative effects of screens (not just on young brains either tbh) the more you can see how important that is. But the OP is right, it's irritating that this falls to parents and families rather than the people designing and providing the produce. Feels like economic greed always wins out. It's a bit like stoically washing out those yogurt pots so they can be recycled, which when compared to the huge impacts of commercial and agricultural causes of climate change feels like a tiny drop in the ocean really. Making the better choice (be that screens, UPF's, environmental choices etc) an feel like you're constantly working against the tide. It is exhausting.

I do not think TV is the devil; two things can be true. We enjoy it together as a family for films, sport, and nature programmes. But even then, I notice the pestering for more increases afterwards, and that is with children who have always had limits. If you are trying to rein things in after being more relaxed, it will take a lot of determination, something many tired, overwhelmed parents and teachers understandably struggle to maintain.

Parents are under a lot of pressure so they need breaks from their kids

I'm calling bullshit on this one. All parents since the dawn of time are under pressure.

Need a break from your kids? That's called bedtime. And naptime when very young. Or you arrange a playdate swap with a friend so you each get an hour off a week.

Sometimes I'd sit the the garden for 5 minutes while they played, just to decompress for a moment.

Parents manages before hot running water and electricity. Fancy going back to that?

Handheld screens have only been prevalent for 15 years. We're not exactly suggesting going back to hunter-gatherer days.

These parents of young children grew up themselves without a screen in hand.

Taking a bag of toys, crayons, a soft book or whatever was the norm for them in restaurants and waiting rooms. It isn't a big ask to do that for their own children when they know screens are damaging when used often.

I can remember it. They were instead glued to a colouring book or sat playing with toy cars. Nobody was talking to their kids in a restaurant before tablets and phones either.

In my local orthodox Jewish community families are large with parents working and tvs are pretty much non existent. Screens are very much the exception rather than the rule and they seem to make it work.

Sure, but parents after 15 years of the advent of electricity in all homes wouldn’t have suggested going back to before it, so which time are you suggesting we go back to? What is the timespan for when you think we should accept modern methods as being a part of life?

Do you think playing with toy cars or colouring is as detrimental to a child as screens? It isn't about engaging children in wholesome family conversation all the time but there is a hell of a lot of evidence that suggests that excessive screen time is detrimental to children. The opposite is true for imaginative play or artistic pursuits.

The difference here is that screens are addictive. We know that now. This is no different to drugging children.

I am not going to tie myself in knots on how to obey a rule that was so obviously plucked out of thin air.

OP parents like you are the problem. Screens while getting dressed. What the actual fuck? Screens in a waiting room - bro g a god damn book. God some people are lazy! You are lazy!

Well we have used colouring books at restaurants - not always, but often. And ime dc will will listen as they colour and pipe up with a pertinent question or contribution when colouring in a way they don't if on a screen - especially with earphones.

Taking a bag of crayons with them

You think having your children sit at a table of adults talking around them and largely ignoring them as they colour in isn’t damaging for kids? You think it’s for the kids’ benefit? Or, is it simply just a different method of keeping them quiet whilst the adults do their thing?

It is a big issue because the parent is scrolling their phone.
Why would any child sit happily with a colouring book or reading book or toy when the parent is ignoring them and on their phone?

The trouble is that exhausted parents find the phone more interesting and relaxing than talking to their child.

The solution starts with getting the adults off their phones.

There would almost universally be a parent (mother) at home though. Nowadays parents are often stretched to their absolute limit with workloads.

Look, I’ll be honest and say my DC spend too much time on screens. They are academically bright, capable, not exhibiting signs of MH issues and are incredibly well behaved both at home and school. My older DC are teenagers and younger DC KS1 age. They’ve never been in trouble at school, parents evenings are always glowing, nobody has any concerns. They read books, are involved with extracurricular activities, younger DC play in the garden or with Lego, older DC see friends, they do arts and crafts and we go out at the weekend as a family. But yes, they spend a lot of time on screens too.

DH and I work FT in intense roles. We don’t have family support. When we have work to do at home, they sit on screens. When we have to catch up on housework, they sit on screens. They might play in the garden if it isn’t dark and the weather is ok but youngest DC has SEN so has to be monitored otherwise there’s a risk he’ll escape or hurt himself. Sometimes they’ll play Lego or do crafts. But mostly yeah they’ll be watching BBC iplayer on their iPads or playing games.

Teens aren’t allowed TikTok. I resisted Instagram and Snapchat for as long as I could but gave in when they hit 14 and I felt it was unfair not to allow it. They watch YouTube and still enjoy playing Roblox too.

I’ve read The Anxious Generation, I get it isn’t great but equally feel since they’re so well adjusted and bright it also isn’t the end of the world.

I haven’t seen your other posts and not sure I’m understanding your argument but do you realise the thread is about children under five years old?

Not in my experience. That’s not what I witnessed.

When we've got a generation of kids addicted to colouring in, we can have that chat.

I think it’s all about balance. Personally I think there are many parents who have become too reliant on screens and haven’t got into the habit of taking games, toys, notepads, story players etc out for meals, to appointments and on car journeys. I’ve always done this since my children were little and we can do long car journeys etc all without screens. I think it takes a bit more effort but we need to focus on kids learning how to interact and behave in different places and also making sure they are taking in the world around them and chatting when you’re out and about. We often play i spy in waiting rooms, read books, take little fidget toys and chat about what’s going on around us rather than using a screen. At home we’ve always focused on toys, they are both creative kids and love crafting and creative play as a result of sometimes being bored. We’ve never given them iPads or personal devices. We aren’t perfect and they watch more tv than I’d like but so much of it is putting in a bit of effort in to actually parent and not going for the easiest option. I say this as a mum of a child with ADHD too.

Yes. I was reading the phone book at under 5. Yes, my mother did not sit an play with us as toddlers.

We implemented a rule of no tv in the week and it is so much easier having a blanket rule than our previous boundaries of limited tv time and negotiating what tv is allowed / how long / when. The first week was a genuine struggle of feeling like we needed to be involved in their play while trying to get dinner sorted, but after that they got much better at entertaining themselves.

Honestly, the hardest part isn't actually the kids, its the fact that DH will put the tv on if he can't be arsed to parent. If he puts the tv on he knows he can scroll on his phone in relative peace.

Thankfully we've never given them tablets so its not an expectation.

You thunk that “addiction to screens” is the worst thing you can do to a child?

Warm water and electric lighting has not been found to significantly damage the normal development of babies and young children. Extensive screen use has.

It's just like passive smoking or lead in petrol. We didn't know it was a problem, we discovered it was, so we changed. Because we want to do the best for our children.

Same! I have to leave my phone in another room as I can’t help but keep picking it up. It’s so addictive and I really find it difficult to tear myself away from it. So much time wasted

lol, I was reading the OED at 5! So I get this.

I think it's pretty much the worst thing you can do to a generation, yes.

The difference being that hot water and electricity aren’t damaging to child development 🙄