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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be so hurt and angry about this?

36 replies

squashedalmondcroissant · 26/03/2026 18:20

So, bit of a long story but I’ll try and summarise.

I started a new job as an assistant manager in a retail outlet about a year ago. Unbeknownst to me, the manager was planning on winding down as they have been a manager in the company for 20+ years and are looking to retire soon so they began ‘grooming’ me to be their replacement. It started slowly with me gradually taking on more responsibilities and them making little comments here and there about me taking over but eventually about a month before they left I was officially asked to step up to manager.

To be honest this wasn’t really on my radar at the time and I was fine being the assistant as I have no previous managerial experience but I thought I may as well give it a go but the expectation seemed very much (from them and head office) that I would say yes.

I wasn’t given much additional training once it became ‘official’ as I was being gradually given more tasks in the months beforehand but eventually they left and I took over. Once they did I found a number of things that hadn’t been completed that I had no knowledge about and had to learn it all on my own, plus I added a number of organisational tools and documents that I complied in my own time to make everything run smoothly.

For the last 6 months I have been running the store and everything seemed ok, both in store staff and upper management seemed happy and there were no major issues (as far as I knew). I had a review at 3 months and it was said that, although I was doing a good job it was the quietest time of the year as so they didn’t feel it was long enough for me to really demonstrate my skills. Fair enough, as I have no previous experience I accepted this and felt a few more months would sufficiently demonstrate that I knew what I was doing.

Fast forward to last month, and the store started a promotion that entailed giving out free products, only the website and all the supporting infrastructure that was supposed to be in place didn’t work and it was absolute bedlam. I also only had a week’s notice that this was happening and I had previously booked annual leave during this time. We were short staffed, overwhelmed, and unsupported by upper management as the relevant people I should have been able to reach out to for help were all on holiday or unavailable. By some miracle I managed to pull everything off and we worked it out, I even had a member of head office in store one day who commended me on how well I handled it.

I had another review the other day, earlier than I was told (with zero notice) and basically I am being demoted back to assistant and the previous manager is coming back to take over and get things running as upper management feel they should be. Essentially it came down to we weren’t taking enough money and somehow I am being blamed. I should add at this point the store is in a very seasonal/touristy location and so sales are always lower over the winter. Some places actually close completely over Jan/Feb as it isn’t worth the cost of staff hours for them to stay open.

Aibu to feel so incredibly hurt and angry about this? Being completely honest, even though I never wanted or expected this promotion I am heartbroken that I took it really seriously, put 100% effort in and it still wasn’t enough. I genuinely went above and beyond and now I feel like a huge failure. How do I continue to work there when I feel so humiliated at having to be ‘bailed out’ and when I feel that the complaints they had weren’t even anything I actually have control over? Do I just need to accept that actually I’m a crappy manager or are they being unfair and expecting too much from me?

Apologies in advance if I’m not the most coherent, I had 4hrs of sleep last night wondering about how to tell all my staff and wondering what my future might look like.

OP posts:
Seainasive · 26/03/2026 18:25

Are they even paying you for this promotion?

HairyBananarama · 26/03/2026 18:26

Sounds totally shit an they sound like a nightmare to work for.

What exactly was the ‘bedlam’, and is it definitely the reason they are giving for demoting you, or have they cited other instances/issues? I’m not HR expert but surely if they’re demoting you they need to put the issues they have with your performance in writing?

squashedalmondcroissant · 26/03/2026 18:28

They were, but now I’m going to revert to my previous salary. Tbh I don’t even care about the money, it wasn’t a huge increase (about £3k over a year) it was more the boost to my CV and options it might open up for the future than concern me.

OP posts:
Ivyremoved · 26/03/2026 18:28

This reply has been deleted

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squashedalmondcroissant · 26/03/2026 18:30

@HairyBananaramabasically people were suppose to use a website link to sign up for a free product and so we should have some advance notice of how many we would need to give away (so I could order extra products in advance) but it didn’t work so we had people randomly turning up expecting free things we didn’t have to give. There was much more to it but that’s the gist.

OP posts:
squashedalmondcroissant · 26/03/2026 18:31

@Ivyremovedyes that’s fair but they are judging that based on the quietest months of the year in a seasonal town. I can’t sell to customers that aren’t there!

OP posts:
Goodadvice1980 · 26/03/2026 18:34

Start looking for another job OP, this place doesn’t sound very well organised.

TheAutumnCrow · 26/03/2026 18:35

squashedalmondcroissant · 26/03/2026 18:31

@Ivyremovedyes that’s fair but they are judging that based on the quietest months of the year in a seasonal town. I can’t sell to customers that aren’t there!

So they've extrapolated from Jan-Feb '26 rather than April '25 - March '26?

Were you actually shown the data they were using?

Screamingabdabz · 26/03/2026 18:37

Smile, nod, say three bags full and all the time be looking for another job. You’ve got managerial experience now because you were a “temporary cover” for a senior colleague in their absence.

TheAutumnCrow · 26/03/2026 18:38

Goodadvice1980 · 26/03/2026 18:34

Start looking for another job OP, this place doesn’t sound very well organised.

I agree with this. At least start looking.

On your CV you can say you 'acted up' as manager, or were the 'Acting Manager', for X months. In interview, you can talk about everything you learned.

HooseMidden · 26/03/2026 18:38

I'd ask to compare the low trading months that they're appraising you against under your tenure with the same period last year under the old manager as a first port of call.

Tel12 · 26/03/2026 18:39

Screamingabdabz · 26/03/2026 18:37

Smile, nod, say three bags full and all the time be looking for another job. You’ve got managerial experience now because you were a “temporary cover” for a senior colleague in their absence.

Exactly this. Honestly for an extra 3k this really isn't worth losing any sleep over.

cannynotsay · 26/03/2026 18:40

It’s retail you’ll always get blamed and shafted in some way! It’s awful

Pearlstillsinging · 26/03/2026 18:48

As PP ask for a comparison with last year's data for the comparable period. Welcome the previous manager back, as its not their fault higher management are shit at their job, update your CV to 'Acting Manager' and actively looking for another job.
I wouldn't be surprised if you find out that the manager always intended to come back, tbh.

TonTonMacoute · 26/03/2026 18:49

My hunch is that retirement didn't pan out as your predecessor hoped, she has asked to come back, and that it hasn't actually got anything to do with your lack of performance at all.

I hope you don't think that I mean that to sound disparaging, quite the reverse, you sound as if you have done extremely well. It's just I am constantly astonished at how badly employers treat their staff, it's not worth the upset to take it personally.

As PPs have said, you have done this, it's absolutely something to make a big deal of on your CV for your next job application.

youalright · 26/03/2026 18:49

Yanbu and what would piss me of most is this other manager is going to step back in just as the season restarts and sales are up and the stupid smug little faces are going to think what a great job she is doing. Im honestly angry for you op xx

Dollymylove · 26/03/2026 18:53

Are you in a union? If so speak.to the rep about how you have been treated

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 26/03/2026 18:56

Keep manager on your CV as sep 25 - present and look for a different job now. as in start tonight.

They are twats

canisquaeso · 26/03/2026 19:01

I agree with a PP, I doubt this actually has anything to do with numbers - the previous manager wanted to come back and they made moves for it to happen.

I completely understand it’s not about the money, I’ve had a coworker be unfairly demoted and it was extremely demoralising.

I’d ask to see the numbers for the same time period for different years out of curiosity, but still looking for a job elsewhere.

squashedalmondcroissant · 26/03/2026 19:57

Thank you for all your comments, it helps to know that I’m not being overly emotional and irrational about everything!

@Dollymyloveunfortunately not in a union, not even sure there is one for this kind of work!

@youalright that is the exact scenario I can foresee playing out in the coming months, they will arrive back in store just as the busy summer months hit and then, hey presto! The numbers will get better! Who could have predicted that 🙄

The store was brand new when I joined, I helped set it up so this is the first year of operations and so no figures to compare against. Comparing winter vs summer is pointless and unhelpful frankly as they are so different, I think the town’s population more than triples in that time. Hence the drop.

OP posts:
squashedalmondcroissant · 26/03/2026 20:00

@Pearlstillsinging I have been very careful to point out to the other staff that it isn’t the other manager’s fault and that no one should treat them any differently, it isn’t their fault at all as far as I’m concerned and they are just doing what they’ve been asked to do (as far as I’m aware). My upset and frustration at the situation is mine to deal with and I don’t want it to negatively impact anyone else.

OP posts:
JehovasFitness · 26/03/2026 20:28

With 20% tax and NICs is this about £170 a month? Not worth it.

Very few employers in retail treat staff at the coal face well. Use your skills and aim for another industry.

FlapperFlamingo · 26/03/2026 20:33

They sound a nightmare! But take the opportunity- look for a new role you were acting manager for x months. I do wonder if the original manager changed his mind and it’s nothing to do with you or the store performance, he just wants his job back.

Snakebite61 · 27/03/2026 18:17

squashedalmondcroissant · 26/03/2026 18:20

So, bit of a long story but I’ll try and summarise.

I started a new job as an assistant manager in a retail outlet about a year ago. Unbeknownst to me, the manager was planning on winding down as they have been a manager in the company for 20+ years and are looking to retire soon so they began ‘grooming’ me to be their replacement. It started slowly with me gradually taking on more responsibilities and them making little comments here and there about me taking over but eventually about a month before they left I was officially asked to step up to manager.

To be honest this wasn’t really on my radar at the time and I was fine being the assistant as I have no previous managerial experience but I thought I may as well give it a go but the expectation seemed very much (from them and head office) that I would say yes.

I wasn’t given much additional training once it became ‘official’ as I was being gradually given more tasks in the months beforehand but eventually they left and I took over. Once they did I found a number of things that hadn’t been completed that I had no knowledge about and had to learn it all on my own, plus I added a number of organisational tools and documents that I complied in my own time to make everything run smoothly.

For the last 6 months I have been running the store and everything seemed ok, both in store staff and upper management seemed happy and there were no major issues (as far as I knew). I had a review at 3 months and it was said that, although I was doing a good job it was the quietest time of the year as so they didn’t feel it was long enough for me to really demonstrate my skills. Fair enough, as I have no previous experience I accepted this and felt a few more months would sufficiently demonstrate that I knew what I was doing.

Fast forward to last month, and the store started a promotion that entailed giving out free products, only the website and all the supporting infrastructure that was supposed to be in place didn’t work and it was absolute bedlam. I also only had a week’s notice that this was happening and I had previously booked annual leave during this time. We were short staffed, overwhelmed, and unsupported by upper management as the relevant people I should have been able to reach out to for help were all on holiday or unavailable. By some miracle I managed to pull everything off and we worked it out, I even had a member of head office in store one day who commended me on how well I handled it.

I had another review the other day, earlier than I was told (with zero notice) and basically I am being demoted back to assistant and the previous manager is coming back to take over and get things running as upper management feel they should be. Essentially it came down to we weren’t taking enough money and somehow I am being blamed. I should add at this point the store is in a very seasonal/touristy location and so sales are always lower over the winter. Some places actually close completely over Jan/Feb as it isn’t worth the cost of staff hours for them to stay open.

Aibu to feel so incredibly hurt and angry about this? Being completely honest, even though I never wanted or expected this promotion I am heartbroken that I took it really seriously, put 100% effort in and it still wasn’t enough. I genuinely went above and beyond and now I feel like a huge failure. How do I continue to work there when I feel so humiliated at having to be ‘bailed out’ and when I feel that the complaints they had weren’t even anything I actually have control over? Do I just need to accept that actually I’m a crappy manager or are they being unfair and expecting too much from me?

Apologies in advance if I’m not the most coherent, I had 4hrs of sleep last night wondering about how to tell all my staff and wondering what my future might look like.

Typical British management I'm afraid. Lots of people in non jobs, trying to prove their existence is worth it by crapping on good people like yourself.

Buffs · 27/03/2026 18:28

TonTonMacoute · 26/03/2026 18:49

My hunch is that retirement didn't pan out as your predecessor hoped, she has asked to come back, and that it hasn't actually got anything to do with your lack of performance at all.

I hope you don't think that I mean that to sound disparaging, quite the reverse, you sound as if you have done extremely well. It's just I am constantly astonished at how badly employers treat their staff, it's not worth the upset to take it personally.

As PPs have said, you have done this, it's absolutely something to make a big deal of on your CV for your next job application.

This. Look for a new job.

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