Do you think a women's size 16 is fat?

[LegencyMonsters]

Met a friend for coffee today and we got onto the topic of weight.

I mentioned that I used to be a size 16 and said I’m glad I’m not that size anymore as I was fat. She disagreed, saying a size 16 isn’t fat and pointed out that it’s actually the average size for women in the UK. I replied that while it may be the average, that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s not fat.

Would you consider a size 16 to be fat or not?

AIBU - YES - of course!
YANBU - NO - Not fat at all!

You could just stop talking about weight, yours or other peoples, if it makes your friend uncomfortable, and chat about something you both enjoy, surely? I'm sure you'd not insist on your right to discuss any other topic with someone who wasn't enjoying the conversation. So why is your weight so important you make it the exception?

Quite. I found it really annoying when I was losing weight (I started out obese) and when I got to a certain point I was told by friends (who were obese) that I should stop now and id lost enough. I was still overweight. I didn't bring it up myself they would just comment unsolicited

I am 5 foot six and I consider a size 14-16 to be my ideal size. Anything smaller and I look gaunt or ill, and I only stay below that eating in an incredibly restrictive manner.

It’s interesting how we all look/feel differently. I’m 5’8.5 and I’d feel uncomfortable at a 14 and fat at a 16. I’ve never been bigger than a 14. I’m also never a size 10, despite my bmi being about 19.5. Always a 12.

Not rude, but maybe insensitive, if your friend is substantially bigger than you?

Until recently I was almost always the largest person in the room. To have a friend who was a size 16 tell me about the 2 or 3 stone she needed to lose (shock, horror) when I could stand to lose 7 or 8 stone was very uncomfortable. They were simply not in the same space as me.

Yes. Not least because today’s size 16 is the size 18/20 of yesteryear. Vanity sizing is the order of the day. .
But size 16s will just tell you they’re “big boned” or “athletic”.

Many size 16s on this thread have said they’re overweight @CotswoldsCamilla, so not sure where you’re getting that idea from.

The last time I was a size 12, I was in my 20s and you could see far too many bones in my face! Now in my 40s, I’d look like I’d been mummified.

I have broad hips and shoulders, a small waist and solid muscular legs. Definitely sturdy.

Most of them, I think.

It's also not vanity sizing, but as Camilla is obviously the kind of person who prefers to make up their own facts, I can't be bothered to go into it again. I'm just surprised I haven't been descended on this time. My experience is that people really don't like hearing that size inflation to adapt to a changing market isn't the same as a mass global industry conspiracy to lie to fat people. Would be far cooler if it was. I'd watch that Bond film.

You obviously haven’t actually read the thread then?

@Westfacing Only just seen your message, size 8 in Zara, primark, next.

I just measured my waist and I am a bit bloated for some reason today as the wrong time of the month but my waist is 26 inches.

and by waist I mean the smallest part is what I measured around.

No, shes a size 10 and never struggled with her weight. I never brought the subject of my weight up, she paid me a compliment and the conversation went from there.

I understand what you are saying but a friend who is saying they need to lose 2-3 stone is also entitled to their feelings in regards to their weight... just because you had more to shift doesn't make their feelings less valid.

OK, so your size 10 friend is probably trying to make you feel better about yourself. She perceives your description of yourself as still fat to mean that you are feeling bad about yourself - which may or may not be true. I empathise with your frustration, though. I have had plenty of people call me “skinny” when I patently am not, plus the usual “you don’t need to lose any more, surely?” when I am, by objective medical measures, still overweight and probably obese.

The friend with 2-3 stone to lose IS entitled to their feeling, yes. But IMO it would be insensitive to bring it up in front of someone with 6-7 stone to lose, unless the bigger friend brought the topic of weight up and it was clear she was working on her own, and it was a conversation she wanted to have. Much as, if I were worried that my blood pressure was too high, I wouldn’t go on about it with a friend who was undergoing chemotherapy.

Absolutely, I get what you mean about being sensitive. I also think that everyone’s worries feel big to them, no matter how they compare to someone else’s situation. Losing 2-3 stone can feel just as big to them as someone who needs to lose 7st. That’s why, especially with friends, I feel we should all be able to moan or rant about our own problems, just like we’re allowed to celebrate the good stuff together hopefully... It doesn’t make one person’s concerns ‘smaller’ or less valid; it’s just part of being human and supporting each other.

Friendships come in all shapes and sizes. In an ideal world each would be aware of the other’s sensitivities. We’d also feel able to say, actually, when you raise this topic it feels uncomfortable to me, because…. and maybe they’d both come away with more understanding and empathy for one another. But I know full well it’s not easy, and what more usually happens is that one carries on oblivious and then the other goes and vents somewhere else. Like mums net!

back to your size 10 friend. Is yours the kind of relationship where you could say to her that you found it frustrating when she insisted you’re not fat because a size 16 is average?

You could present her with objective facts such as your BMI or waist measurement- assuming that you are actually overweight by those measures. Not that you need to justify your “feeling fat” at your current size, of course.

It would be right to raise a concern if you are objectively in the low normal range or even underweight. Not the case here. And it’s also sad to hear of people whose weight is not a problem from the medical point of view, who eat well and are active, but are dissatisfied with their bodies. That’s the impact of unrealistic media portrayals of the perfect body.

I’m big boned and fat, it’s not exclusive
by big bones I mean my shoulders, hands, wrists, everything is more towards standard man size and I’m 5ft 10 and a bit. I’ve never been a size 10 in my life because my shoulders won’t fit in
my closest family members - a rugby player, wrestler and heavyweight boxer

I’m the same. I was a size 12 as a very slim twenty-something at 5’8”. Medium build, feet are size 8. I remember trying a size 8 jacket on by mistake…I couldn’t get it over my back and shoulders. Some humans are just on a larger scale proportionally. Even if I were underweight my shoulders would be too broad for some of the smaller sizes.

Are you short by any chance? Because my sister is like 2-3 inches shorter than me but in the same size clothes she looks much bigger than me (visible belly, fat face etc) it's quite the joke in our family. Short people also dont need the same calories as taller people but still try to have the same food intake as a taller person but can't figure out why they don't lose weight. It's comical. A slim 5'2 woman can literally wear childrens clothes....there is a huge difference in body shape between 5'2 size 16 and 5'7 size 16 😂

I'm 5'4 with a 32D bust (relevant) - I bought a t-shirt in a colour I'd been looking for off a £1 rail in the charity shop, that I thought was a 'size 10' - it looked about the right size, and it did indeed fit fine. It was later I noticed the label said age 10! What 10 year old has D cup boobs??

I was easily a C. And in a DD by 12. Periods started at 9

Depends on her height and build. A size 16 can look very different on different heights and body types.

A friend of mind has an athetic build and is about 6ft 2 / 6ft 3. I was blown away when she pointed out the jeans she wears are a size 16. I was a size 16 then and look fairly chubby. But then a petite woman I worked with (about 5ft) was a size 16 and looked massive.

Agree with this. I am 5ft 8, broad shoulders, size 9 feet, hands bigger than most men and cannot wear women’s bracelets as, unless elasticated as they cannot fit over my knuckles.
However at 9.5 stone with a BMI of 20 I was a solid 10-12 and almost never fit in an 8. Jackets almost always had to be in 12+ to fit over my shoulders.

this is the day before my 12th birthday. You can see my frame size by the girl on the right of me