AIBU to feel no attraction to men after dating at 50?

[Telephonelightflashing]

I'm single no kids, ltr split up amicably 4 years ago. I've been on and off online dating but I really don't fancy anyone at all. Nothing bad about the guys I've met, they've been generally nice but I literally feel like I cannot be bothered. I don't want to be alone forever or think that's it for love (I'm 50) and I'm hoping that bit of me hasn't died , but I can rustle up no excitement or attraction for any bloke at all. Help! Is this normal at this age?

Do you fancy younger men?

I’m with you. I’m 60 tried OLD and decided of rather stay singje than go near any of the specimens on there.

What do you think the reason might be?

(I mean, I can think of at least two other possibilities …)

My ltr was younger than me. We had become friends by the end.
I sort of fancy this guy at work in that I can see he is good looking l, but the frisson of fancying has gone. Maybe it's a libido thing

You definitely aren't alone OP. I was widowed 10 years ago at 57 (so older than you) but still .... I certainly didn't want to look after some old bloke that I hadn't grown old with, if that makes sense. And whilst I can appreciate a nice looking man, I just don't fancy them (even if they fancied me!). Anyway, from what I've seen there's something "wrong" with all of them and do I really want to put all that effort into getting to know someone all over again. Nope, can't be arsed.

YANBU.

I haven’t bothered since my last relationship ended in October 2012! I was 47 then.

I just can’t be arsed and enjoy my single life so much.

I don't blame you. They're all bitter, wizened and impotent.

I've had 3 long relationships and they were all people I met in real life so I'm hoping it happens naturally for me as I can't get any interest in online dating at all.

Absolutely YANBU.
Enjoy your freedom.

And mostly looking for a nurse with a purse

Same! I am 56 and would quite like a relationship… not interested in getting married again though. I never, ever fancy anyone .. younger or my age…and my libido is non-existent. I am increasingly resigning myself to just becoming an eccentric dog lady and living with my adult son who has MH difficulties and looks like he is never going to move out…so i guess i wont be entirely on my own.

Me neither. I'm not in my 50's but since starting peri I've had no inclination to look for a relationship.

Not just that but I've felt for a while there are very slim pickings as we reach mid life onwards in any case.

Yes. Most of my friends who are still with their life long partners say they wouldn’t look for a new one if they lost their partner.
I think men are different. They get more out of being with a woman than she gets. The older women I know who have found someone when they’re older are definitely giving more than they’re getting. But they’re happy with that. I can’t be arsed. Shame as it’s expensive being single but still worth it!

At 50???

Fifty year old men that I know are way more interesting than that.

Not at 50, they’re not.

Ohh, great. Which area are these single, 50yr old, interesting men in who are in great shape (because they’re not looking for a nurse) and affluent (because they’re not looking for a purse) in? Because I’d love to meet one.

Seriously. DM me with a couple of photos and a brief bio, thanks.

The men I know through work/community are overwhelmingly in professional roles- both private and public sector and are good health.

A couple of accountants, software engineers, medics, retired engineer, retired policeman, 2 skilled construction workers in my immediate family... All earning a decent wedge or have good pensions that they saved into.
All run, swim, cycle, play golf, go to the gym or are just living a generally ok lifestyle. No need of nurses.

When I met my husband he was 50. He was earning a good professional salary and played football, squash and cricket regularly.

Nothing bad about the guys I've met, they've been generally nice

I think you should count that right there as a win OP, as you can see from this thread that’s not everyone’s experience of online dating.

Maybe you’re just not quite ready for a new relationship yet? 4 years isn’t really that long if you were with someone a long time before that.

I do think in later life, at least for some of us, desire isn’t just ‘there’ the way it was in your 20s, and if sex and intimacy are things you want in your life you have to be a bit more conscious and intentional about the things that allow you to connect with those feelings. Some of it can be physical - pelvic floor exercises might help? A B vitamin supplement? There are various threads on here about reconnecting with your sex drive post-40.

Is it a lack of interest in sex that feels like the issue? Or just a lack of interest in a relationship altogether?

Objectively, looking at my friends husbands, if I met them now, and they were Single, I wouldn't touch them with a barge pole. My friends love them because they met them years ago and have shared histories. I think I’d rather have a relationship with a woman in her sixties, than a man in his sixties. So I don’t think you are BU at all!

How many of them are single and looking for a relationship with a woman their age though?

I've been single 7 yr since I was 45. No OLD, no dates, nothing. I've not met anyone i fancy.
Personally, I think the menopause is a large part of it.

Really good point!!

And they’re single?

I agree that 50 year old men can be interesting etc but most of them are looking for women who are 40-ish. 50 year old women largely attract 60+ year old men unfortunately.

When I got divorced in my early 50s 2 years ago I had a flurry of dating hot younger men a la Bridget Jones then met my current partner who is exactly the same age as me on OLD.

He's solvent with his own place and a good job, sporty without being obsessive, into theatre cinema and gigs and an amazing cook to boot.