Jobs for introverts?

[PoliteSquid]

My DS lost his job after 5 weeks because he wasn’t proactive or outgoing enough. This was NOT a customer facing role - it was an entry level manufacturing job in the sort of factory where you do the same job over and over.

We’re looking at engineering technician and mechanical engineering apprenticeships and every single one talks about wanting a “proactive and outgoing” individual. He has a letter saying he’s none of those things. He is naturally introverted and sometimes shy. I’m just so frustrated about the role descriptions. It puts him off even applying!

Where do all the quiet, shy people work?!

IT isn’t a refuge anymore for introverts. How even that field wants extroverts.

Self refer to the Connect to Work programme. Lots of providers are onboard with this now but Seetec being the main one. They will give 12 months of free coaching, signposting and courses and also be an advocate to your son when seeking and speaking to potential employers, as well as making reasonable adjustments at work

He’s only 18, when I was that age I remember a couple of times being paralysed in situations, as too shy to ask for help and then in a spiral of stress that I hadn’t done something. Also not relating to adults as equals yet, as someone said above.

Confidence will build with time and experience. I think it’s best to draw a line under that experience and not let it shape his whole career plan and view of himself.

I was like that at 18, if not worse! I had no social skills or confidence. Struggled with eye contact. Couldn't make small talk. I tried to join a charity that sends volunteers into schools to listen to the children read, but they rejected me!
I ended up volunteering in a charity shop, where the people were kind and encouraging. Then after a year of building up my confidence I got a proper part time supermarket job.

Im still very shy and quiet now (and yes, that IS a personality, ignore the poster that said it isn't), but I can look people in the eye and make a bit of small talk.

I've learnt its sometimes worth asking a question you already know the answer to (or don't care about the answer to!) just to look interested. Get him to practice with you if he can. It's excruciating and exhausting and ultimately he shouldn't be forced to change his personality to fit but occasionally asking simple things like what's someone doing at the weekend makes you seem more likeable. Eg we stayed at a b&b at the weekend and I'd much prefer to be left alone but the owner was loitering awkwardly clearly wanting to be useful so I asked the way to somewhere (despite having already checked on Google maps!) just to give her something to talk about and make her feel useful.

There are charities like princes(kings?)trust and other places that often offer support for 18-25 year olds and also charity roles often tend to be more accepting of different personality types. My brother is very quiet and not very chatty (& has an autism diagnosis) but he volunteered at a large food bank warehouse for a while and was ultimately offered a full time paid role there when one came up because they knew he could do the job.

Employers are mostly looking for people they feel will fit well into existing teams.

My DS was working as an apprentice in mechanical engineering and was let go when it came to his six months probation. He was given a similar excuse about not being confident and social in the workplace. It turns out on further investigation that they had done this to numerous other apprentices over several years. I think it must be a way of getting cheap labour as surely anyone with any understanding of young trainees appreciates that they need time to gain that confidence.

Very sad. I do feel there's a huge bias towards outgoing extroverted people. I've seen many job ads that say they want this and personally I don't think it should be legal.

Did the letter mean that he wasn't asking questions pertinent to how to do his job? Was he not communicating that he'd finished work? In which case it could be understandable.

There ought to be many jobs where introversion doesn't matter - lab techs, caretakers, cook/chef work, garden centre work, forestry work, gardening, tree surgery, a postie.

That said it makes sense for him to work on his communication skills

Reading your updates , he sounds like he is pretty bright..
He may have been bored witless in the factory?

I know I was when doing factory work it did my head in.

Do you know thats quite a good point about the legality of that requirement

I suppose what employers would say is that they are asking for the skill of extrovesion or being outgoing, they would spin it like that.

But it is essentially asking for someone with a particular personality.

I am amazed at the unkindness of that business. He needed a mentor to help him through. He’s only 18!

sometimes these things just happen for a reason and there’s something better waiting for him. It must be very demoralising though, so I would look for professional help to support him and bike his confidence.

This is my nephew to a T! He works in the stock room at Primark and it suits him to the ground as he can keep to himself!

I worry about this too, but he is adamant he wants hands on work and no more academic study!!! I think we’re taking a risk with apprenticeships in terms of the 20% off the job learning, but I think/hope it’ll be a more supportive environment.

That does seem very harsh - there are lots of people who lack confidence and social skills and any decent business will provide training to help them become more confident and learn the skills they need for work.

Relating to colleagues can be tough as the only thing you definitely have in common is that you all work in the same place - and that's not much to go on really. However, it's essential that he makes the effort and understands why it's important. We all have to do it and it's not always easy. For example, most of the people I work with are roughly half my age and it's not always easy to relate to them, but I make the effort, because I have to and they do the same with me.

It sounds like your DS would benefit from some social skills training. Job Centre Plus does offer this, apparently, as it improves people's employability. Google 'Gateway Qualifications'.

That’s appalling! I’m sorry your DS has faced this too. Did he find a new role?

This. I get very little joy from socialising, and need decompression time after any time spent with other people.

But I have a job that requires networking, connecting with clients and colleagues and a huge amount of proactivity in terms of spotting new opportunities and areas for improvement. I generally try to make sure I’ve done something that “scares” me or feels out of my comfort zone once a week as that’s how you develop skills and keep learning and developing.

I’d take a dim view of anyone who said they can’t do those things because they are an introvert. Being pro active, participating in discussions and forming relationships are going to be a part of any career. If he lacks confidence in those areas, I’d suggest he finds ways to develop them.

Correct. Some people gain energy from being alone, others gain energy only from being with people. The introverts are therefore able to operate independently of people. Look at it that way.

Some people are acting way too cruel, unfair, and mean.

OP, I recommend using AI platforms like ChatGPT and others for support. In my experience, AI has been much more effective at helping me and people I know with challenges compared to online forums. These tools can inspire ideas for your son to explore and help guide him toward figuring out what he truly enjoys and wants to pursue. It’s also important to understand the qualifications he’ll need for whatever path he chooses.

I’m an extreme introvert, shy and anxious, but drama classes in school and university taught me how to create different personas to handle situations I normally couldn’t. It might be worth giving your son the same opportunity and seeing what he thinks.

Your poor DS, I hope it hasn't dented his confidence too much. So unfair when when was technically pretty competent, feels like he could have done with a good mentor and if he wasn't given one then that's on them to a degree ,it can take time for socially under confident people to come out of their shell.

I still remember being told not to return to my work experience in Y10 because I was too quiet and hadn't asked enough questions so they didn't know what to do with me. When my school called and told me I was absolutely mortified and still am when I think about it, I spent the rest of the week working in the school office. I am autistic and as a teen I was so so shy, almost selectively mute (which suggests I had any control over it but often I didn't at the time)

I found customer service roles in shops/call centres have helped to a degree. It's a more functional (almost scripted) conversation but you naturally get a lot of soft skills out of it that transfer in to every day chat. There are always people in work places that are quieter than others and other technical or investigative roles might be worth exploring. I tend to ask people about themselves as a starter (with the thought that most people like talking about themselves and it gives me time to get comfortable)

I agree with this. I actually think he’s been unfairly treated but I would take it as a lucky escape for him.