Sil hen party

[irishchick93]

My s.i.l is getting married and i am bm. They are currently in talks about hen party to go to Ibiza
In August for 4 nights. I havent flown since 2001 as i have such a fear. Im also 39 and feel like i couldnt keep up they are 28ish. And lastly.....its £1000 before spending money AIBU not going...she wont be surprised im not going as i literally never go abroad?

No one would expect you to spend an insane amount of money doing something about which you have a deep-seated phobia.

Just say you can’t do due to your fear of flying. Sure she will be expecting you to drop out anyway.

Be prepared to step down as bridesmaid, or at least offer to do so, if you don’t go.

Plant the seed early;

Oh you'll have an amazing time in Ibiza, i'll bow out and leave you to it, i'm not much of a flyer and i'm far too old to join in with you young ladies anyway, so gracefully ill leave you guys to it!

There’s another thread running with almost identical circumstances (down to the location!) so it would be worth a look at that I think, give you some more idea. Generally it’s YANBU!

Just say no you can't afford it.

But, you are 39, why do you have such a fear of flying, 2001, 25 years ago - why?

For goodness sake, the world is your oyster, what is stopping you?

I appreciate my post above doesn't make much sense, but I hope you can understand the point I am making.

You're not going to the same wedding in Cornwall as the other lady are you?

She hasn't flown for 25 years, she must have been a teenager when she last flew, my point is at 39 she is still young enough to do something about it and not be curtailed by a fear

Sure, but I imagine that if the OP were going to decide to conquer her fear of flying by taking one of those courses or popping a valium whatever, it would be a far more attractive prospect if she were doing it with a wonderful, enjoyable holiday in view at the end, not an expensive Ibiza hen weekend she doesn't particularly want to go on?

I'm all in favour of the OP managing to overcome her phobia, but if she hasn't done it for a foreign holiday of her own since 2001, I don't think she should be doing it for this trip.

Crikey is this the same bride as in the other thread posted today?

Hey. No its not me. Can anyone tag me in the other thread pls?

If the hen won't be surprised that you're not going then there shouldn't be a problem bowing out. Should there?

Absolutely no need for you to go.
Buy a very small gift and wish her well.

It doesn't sound as though you'd be going even if it was unreasonable. You're not going, she won't be suprised.

As you were.

I really wouldn’t be going anywhere if I had a fear of a key element of the trip. It’s really not helpful for people to just tell others to deal with their fears.
if SIL is aware of your fear then I’m sure she is aware that you’ll decline in those grounds and the invite becomes one of politeness rather than an expectation that you’ll attend.
I’d decline and wish her a great time. You’ll be saving 1K too x

Why? Are people who can't afford expensive holidays not allowed to be bridesmaids?

Why ?

Don't be daft.
The bride wants her support on the day, not for her to spend £££ doing something she isn't going to enjoy.

@irishchick93 of course YANBU.
I'm 10 yrs older than my SiL and didn't go to her hen do either. No issue at all. We are still good friends over 20 years later.

Get the train to Barcelona and a ferry from there to Ibiza

YANBU, you don’t need to step down as a bridesmaid nor do you have to send a gift for not going. £1000 is an insane amount of money for a hen do and brides need to stop expecting their friends to be paying amounts like this.

Good grief.
No.
Do not even consider this.
Why would you do that?

She's probably not expecting you to go if she knows what you're like anyway

@Sparkletastic that would be very petty of the bride. If she wants OP to be BM then surely that is because she values her support for the wedding day, not chugging shots in Ibiza