To ask wtf do I do and how I break out of this IMPOSSIBLE situation?!

[stuckstuckstuckstuckstuckstuck]

I left a DA relationship (marriage) last year with my young child. Ex refused to leave the house, is still living in it, while I continue to pay half the mortgage. He has stopped responding to everyone including the estate agent and conveyancers and it seems like he is not intending to move out. I am terrified we will lose the buyers, which will be expensive re paying to the estate agent and expensive for mortgage payments ongoing. I can’t afford a solicitor, paying for half the mortgage for a house I don’t live in is awfully expensive enough on a part time wage with a young child to look after.

If anyone can explain to me like I’m ten, what do I need to do? It’s also time sensitive as the sale is quite progressed to the enquiries stage :(

In addition to this, I’ve become aware I have a PCN for staying too long in a car park. The letters were delivered to my old address, which I haven’t had regular access to for safety reasons. I manage to get a family member to go and so I have the details now, but when I type in the appeals process online it says it is too late and has been passed to the recovery stage. Next step is CCJ. The coffee shop have said they can email UKPC and hopefully appeal it but what if not? It was at the start of January. There is no contact number for UKPC, all is automated, and the email address said it’s 30 days for a reply.

I am worried sick and don’t know what I need to do, and hardly have the time to deal with all this enormous life admin because my priority is caring for my child.

I guess the core facts are that we were married, divorce underway (conditional order stage currently) and will be complete end of May. I don’t have a solicitor as finances are a massive barrier and we are talking thousands of pounds

Any help massively appreciated

Have you tried Citizens Advice or I have contacted and got legal assistance before from The Centre for Women’s Justice, they are a charity so completely free.

If its Domestic Abuse could you get legal aid?

Definitely find a local Family Law solicitors that take on Legal Aid cases and apply through them. If you have a crime reference from the police regarding the DA, that will go in your favour. Sorry to hear you're going through all this xx

I’d highly recommend recommend using ChatGPT to help you. my DP can’t afford a solicitor and his ex won’t get out the house, 3 years it’s been going on for, we were stuck until we stated using ChatGPT as our guide. Yes I know you have to sense check it and can’t take it as 100% accurate but we have been able to get it to forensically analyse 250 pages of bank statements from her to check if her financial disclosure was accurate (it wasn’t) write letters to solicitors, take us through the process step by step, learn what we should do next strategically and so on. We pay the £20 pm plan to get the most out of it. Best money we’ve spent. Finally getting somewhere & court hearings next month.

Thank you. I won’t get legal aid as I don’t financially qualify. According to a solicitor i spoke to, the only exception is if and until I start a UC application (which I’ve just done) but even then I’ll need to get a certain amount in payments which I probably won’t, but literally only just scraped over the threshold. The solicitor sympathised the limits haven’t been looked at for years and don’t account for cost of living.

Thank you

Please be really, really careful. It makes stuff up. It’s not bad at analysis but it’s awful at law, it invents laws and precedents with such confidence that the government and several solicitors have used it and are facing being struck off for it.

If you are in the Midlands, I can recommend a retired legal person, she was basically my saviour in a similar but different scenario. Also - massive hugs to you. You are a strong and courageous person.

Can you stop paying towards the mortgage and pay a solicitor instead? He needs to pay the full amount if he is refusing to leave.

I believe you can go to court and get a court order to enforce the sale. However I am not a lawyer and not sure of the details. Perhaps chatgpt can assist. I agree with PP that it can be misleading sometimes so check all the links it gives you for sources. But it's definitely a good start

If your DH stops responding to everyone and won’t sell the house voluntarily then I think you may need to go to court and ask for an order for sale. It won’t be for the best price and will cost money but he won’t be able to stay there forever. I’d also write to the estate agent and the solicitors on the sale telling them what’s happening and take their advice. They might also be able to talk some sense into him.

On the house I think you need to go and see a divorce solicitor asap who will be able to write to him and point this out plus the consequences to him (he may be forced to pay your costs if he behaves completely unreasonably).

On the mortgage you could, if you’re desperate for the cash at this point, just stop paying your share of the mortgage however this is likely to start the bank taking repossession proceedings. This might shake your ex out of his inertia and make him realise he’s got to sell but it’s high risk. If he starts paying the whole of the mortgage you could end up worse off when it does sell.

If you don’t want to do that you could consider asking your mortgage company to pay interest only but that might just encourage your DH to stay in the house even longer!

On the PCN I would write to the company concerned (which you now know) give your current address and point out what you’ve said here- that because of domestic abuse you weren’t at the address they sent correspondence to, and therefore never received the original fine. Set it all out and say that you expect them to drop the ticket or to be re-offered a chance to pay at the original rate. If they refuse ask for their policies on vulnerable customers and wait for them to respond. Personally if they don’t offer you the chance to pay the original rate (or drop the ticket) I would continue to respond to all correspondence with the same response and wait until they drop it- which they will. But if you are stressed out by it just pay what they are asking for and take it out of your share of the mortgage for one month and tell your ex that he can make the money up because he didn’t send your post on.

Also use this as a chance to redirect all post to you from your old house- do it via the post office- and make sure you’ve changed your address everywhere.

Citizens advice could help.

Also can you check you’re getting all the benefits you’re entitled to and also CMS via a formal arrangement?

Finally, in terms of the house sale, could you “move back in” with a family member?It’s still your house- and obviously this would just be to get it sold. If it’s risky or your mental health will suffer don’t do it. On the sale you can also do the paperwork on the sale yourself for the most part.

Re the PCN I’m assuming that it is from a private parking company and not the council? If that is the case, do not pay and do not admit to being the driver (they only know you are the registered vehicle owner). Then have a look at money saving expert’s forum and search for private PCNs they have the absolute best advice and standard letters that you can use. I got out of one for £100 recently thanks to them! Private parking companies rely on intimidation and our fear of escalation.

Try calling the NCDV and see if you can get an Occupational Order (for free). Good luck.

Thanks so much

its normal to only pay estate agent once a property completes so that cost shouldn’t be a factor if purchasers do pull out

Speaking with a solicitor this week to hopefully get the ball rolling. I tried to go round to get some post with family and found the keys not to work, so he has changed the locks. I feel incredibly trapped and only hope the sale being forced is quick, because I feel awful to the buyers and can’t afford to pay half the mortgage continuously

As you are a joint owner he CANNOT exclude you from the property

Agreed. It also quotes irrelevant law that might not even be from the UK, or the particular region you are in

I think the Money Saving Expert website has some advice re parking tickets of that sort, which might help.

Well, he has 😬

When my family member moved out of the family home after a split (didn't really want to but had no choice). Their solicitor said they didn't have to pay half the mortgage as they weren't living in it, and in actual fact, if they wanted to they could charge the ex rent! (This didn't happen).

My ex stopped paying when he left and theres nothing I can do. Bank is sympathetic but just want their money. You need a court order to force the sale of the house. Call the court and they will advise what form etc. You can do majority of it yourself using wiki divorce etc

Re your private parking ticket. Do not just pay it and do not ever admit who was driving in any correspondence. You say the next step is CCJ, the only time you will get a CCJ is if you do not pay what a court judge tells you what you have to pay but chances are the company will drop the invoice ( that's what it really is ) before it gets that far, most claims are discontinued. Debt recovery threats are just that, they have no powers. Private parking companies are cowboys, simply want your cash and will likely ignore any correspondence. Do not ignore a letter before claim. Please look on Moneysavingexpert.com Parking tickets, Fines & Parking forums for very useful help and advice from regulars who have helped countless people fight the private parking companies.