To ask you to please help me learn how to drive?

[Shutupandrive]

I am 43 and I can’t drive. I’ve always lived in central London, so it just wasn’t necessary. We’ve now moved a bit further out and it turns out life without a car here is a massive pain. Particularly with two very small children to cart about.

So I need to learn. The problem is I am absolutely terrified and I feel like my brain is too old and set in its ways to take this in, and the idea of being in control of a car makes me feel a bit sick.

I’ve got the Highway Code but surely people aren’t sitting down and reading the whole thing cover to cover before they start? Is there a more manageable way to approach the theory side?

Practical questions:

• Would you go with a local instructor? If so, how would you go about selecting one?
• Would you advise an intensive course?
• Roughly how many lessons did it take you (especially if you learned later in life)?
• Is automatic genuinely easier to learn in? (We already have an automatic so that’s the plan)
• Any actually useful resources, videos, apps, cheat sheets, etc. that helped it click?

Also, if you learned as a nervous older learner, how did you get past the fear? That’s the main thing at the moment.

Any advice very welcome.

One of my female friends passed her motorcycle test (which is much more intense and stressful than an automatic car test) at the age of 70. You're not old, you'll be fine ❤️

I passed first time a couple of months ago aged 45, I learned manual as that’s what the instructor I wanted taught in.
I was very anxious and tbh I still am but am so pleased I did it.
I had therapy before I started lessons to help with the anxiety.
I didn’t tell anyone except my therapist I was having lessons. Not having the pressure of people waiting for me to pass or asking about how it was going really helped, the downside of this was I could only drive in lessons and not with anyone in between.
I watched videos of roundabouts I struggled with and also of test routes.
On my test day I did a meditation class in the morning and just told myself repeatedly how well I’d done to even get to the stage where I was taking the test and if I failed it was good practice.
If I can do it anyone can, just go for it!

If you can dance, you can drive.

Both are a set of coordinated moves (with your hands, feet and vehicle) whilst not bumping into others.

I'd say learning in an automatic is way easier, as you've not got to do gears, an extra pedal, etc. As long as you think you won't ever need to drive a manual (vans, etc, are usually all manual.)

I've got a couple of friends who learned later in life. One at 35 (who is one of the best drivers I know), and another who is learning in her 50s. I'm so proud of them both for doing it, as I swear it's harder when you're older. Learning at 17, you think you're invincible (well, I did...)

Go with a driving instructor you get good reports about; and regular driving practice between lessons is the key, I think. I know I passed relatively quickly, because my Mum took me out 3 or 4 times a week. Meant I passed in 12 lessons. Pals who didn't have that, took much longer. So, if your husband is patient, do that - even if it's just dropping the kids off, or driving to the supermarket. Good luck!

I did not end up passing but I took lessons a few years ago, I was similarly terrified.

My main advice would be don't look up too much about the theory before you start. Just go and have that first lesson. A decent instructor will start you off in a deserted car park so you can see for miles around, there are no hazards to navigate and you can get the hang of the basic controls.

Once I'd done a couple of lessons I was hooked and I drunk in all the theory stuff. Yes I did read the highway code cover to cover! And I did the practice apps. I also downloaded loads of parking games to practice and watched other people having driving lessons on youtube.

I passed the theory test first time with no bother at all. The practical was the bit where I struggled. I will finish it off some time.

It will be such a boon to be able to do it. And I believe you can. There are different dimensions to it, learning what to look for and how to apply the rules of the road in different situations, you can start that now as a passenger in conjunction with looking up bits of the highway code. Then there's what to do with your feet which manual makes much easier. And then there's how to steer and manoeuvre in different situations. And then putting it all together. If you are nervous and want to get it done quickly driving an automatic is probably the way to go. What car do you have now as that's something to factor in. I learnt on a manual but have had two automatic cars and now electric so probably won't drive a manual again.

I passed aged 45, a few months ago. I could only afford one lesson per week (2 hours), with a few extra in the run up to the test. You will need the highway code for reference but I did all my other theory learning and practice on apps, which also offered mock tests including hazard perception. I just kept practicing until I was passing the mock tests regularly. My teacher recommended some YouTube accounts to watch but I didn't find them that helpful. I think I had close to 50 hours tuition (I was a nervous learner, and am neurodivergent), plus maybe 20 hours private practice between April and November and I passed with one minor fault. You can do it, get your lessons started, book your theory and go for it! Oh, and I learnt in a manual so I'd be able to drive any car in future but if automatic works for you, that's fine of course. I understand it does make it a lot easier. 🙂

I know someone who took a weeks intensive course and passed her test.

Main thing is just to get behind the wheel. No matter how you feel at the start almost anybody can learn with enough time. I failed first time (had a grumpy examiner who my instructor had already warned me about and stalled at the lights despite making no other big mistakes). I now drive trucks and heavy plant for a living!

id watch youtube, or do what sheldon cooper did and have a driving simulator setup

I lived in big cities my entire life and didn't learn to drive till we moved semi-rurally. I was 38. My aunt had a dream of buying a farm and so started to learn in her late 40s. She passed her test at 49. She is still a nervous driver but can poodle around the countryside without issues. I was quite timid for the first couple of years but had to drive up and down the country at one point for a few months and now have absolutely no issues tackling tricky routes, motorways and my parallel parking came on leaps and bounds 😅

With instructors, you may not have a lot of choice. They are pretty busy so don't delay looking for one. I would avoid big schools and find a local chap near retirement. They seem to be the best. I had two different ones as my lessons were broken up by lockdown and we moved to a different area. They were both brilliant.

For learning theory, I used https://theorytest.org.uk/ Passed the first time and found it surprisingly easy. But I had a lot of years under my belt as a passenger and also rode a 125cc for a number of years in my 30s.

As to the number of lessons, it takes as long as it takes. I probably had in excess of 50 altogether but that was because I never practices with my partner - he was awfully jittery and I couldn't focus as I had to manage his nerves more than the vehicle. I also spent at least 40 lessons learning manual. Then covid hit, I had a long break and needed license ASAP. Switched to automatic, we drove test routes for 10 lessons and then I passed.

Look at the Theory test website, you can’t book a practical test without passing that and there may be a long wait for dates. Ask on a local fb group for recommendations of instructors. Worth having a few lessons to get you comfortable and started then to prepare for the test itself.

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=uk.co.tso.ctt

I'd recommend the Official DVSA theory test app. Practice until you're getting all the questions right. DD2 is autistic and she went from nothing to a 49/50 pass of her theory test in 10 days, so you can do it quite quickly.

You need an instructor who can give you 2 hours of driving lessons per week if you live rurally - you need time to get out to the test centre area, practice, and get home.

Automatic for sure.

You can do it!

When you learn, choose a female instructor. I’ve heard of a few dodgy male driving instructors, and my first one wasn’t perfect.

I have just passed age 44. I did loans of theory tests on line, then I did two lessons a week for a few months, then a one week intensive before my test. I passed first time and I never believed I would be able to drive. Also just to automatic.

My kids are learning in manual as they want to do jobs when they might need them eg army but for you just automatic and if you aren’t feeling it or get creepy vibes stop. Never pay upfront for a lesson. 2 hour lesson.

My DM didn’t learn until she was in her 40s, and was always a very anxious, worry-guts type anyway. She only finally gave her car up at around 80.
Believe me, if she could do it…

You will certainly need a very good ‘fit’ for an instructor - someone very patient who will not try to rush you. If you don’t click with the first, do find another. Believe it or not, and I’m sure it will take time, but one day you may well find you have driven from A to B, without even consciously thinking of the actual process.

You are overthinking it. Just find a local instructor and give it a go.

I passed last Summer, a week after my 56th birthday. I learnt manual as there aren’t many automatic instructors in the area where we’re living plus I had a car ready on the drive for practice and for me to use for when I passed which was manual. It means I can drive any car though and I’m not restricted to just automatic.

I used the instructor who had taught both of our sons. He was incredibly calm and patient which was necessary as I found lessons very stressful, although he said I hid it very well.
I’m still not sure how I passed as the pressure I was under to pass was immense, we were due to complete on a house move to a different area a few weeks after my test and if I failed it’d mean finding a new instructor that I was comfortable with and I was really stressing about that, to the point that I even wanted to delay putting our house on the market until I had my licence.

Get working on your theory, I recommend the official DVSA app. It’s not difficult to pass if you put the work in. I passed first time and then had to redo it as it expired and I passed again.

Practicing in your own/family car outside of lessons helps a lot, I’d go out most weekends with my husband supervising but the month before my test I was out every night and the more I was driving the more I felt my confidence increasing.

When deciding whether to learn auto or manual you have to consider will you ever need to drive a manual? Do you already have automatic? If so then probably automatic is fine for you. Personally I would hate not having the option to drive either manual or automatic but it's not one size fits all.

Learn to drive with an instructor first then get DH to take you out but remember listen to your instructor don't let DH teach you bad habits (not saying he has any of course) 😂

Just book 1 lesson initially and see how you feel with the instructor. Make sure they are displaying either a pink or green badge, if not they cannot charge for lessons. Go on word of mouth, facebook recommendations and reviews if the instructor has a website or Facebook page.

Don't choose based on gender as a previous poster said, choose the right person for the job. If anyone knows of a dodgy instructor they should be doing the right thing and reporting to the DVSA not tarring everyone with the same brush! Good luck I am sure you will do absolutely fine

You can definitely do this!

I'm not sure whether this applies to you as an adult learner but as a mum to teens, my experience is that currently it takes ages to qualify because of a scarcity of places for theory tests, driving instructors and practical tests. COVID created a backlog which still hasn't been cleared. It's not the driving, it's the queue. Up thread, people are talking about a few tester lessons to see if you like the instructor but most teens will tell you that you'll be lucky to be offered any lessons at all!!!

Anecdotally, there is a huge waiting list across the nation for driving lessons and the word on the street (sorry) is that people who have passed a theory test are prioritised by driving instructors (since the theory test qualification expires). Maybe it's easier somewhere else but down here in the sunny south, it's a dog fight.

So my top tips are:
Sign up now for a theory test NOW - you will have weeks, maybe months, to prepare (DD18 signed up in January and her test is in April ... ).

Ask around now for a local driving instructor and apply to add your name to the waiting list so that when you have passed the theory test, you can start lessons ASAP.

Apply for your provisional license - the tough part is an acceptable photo to upload.

Check your insurance - maybe your DH can add you so that you can do some practice driving with him - just the first circuits around a giant car park to get used to where all the switches/gears/buttons are - they're mostly the same from car to car. (you do need insurance, even to circle the car park)

Apply for your provisional license - the tough part is an acceptable photo to upload.

Not if you apply online and already hold a valid passport, that photo can be used for your licence.

Do automatic. Lots of people told me to get a manual licence because one day I’d need a manual car. I’ve been to Bosnia, and easily hired an automatic car, so I think we’re safe.

Automatic driving lessons usually are more expensive and lessons are already ridiculously expensive so I would have some and get your husband to take you out in his car as much as possible for practice.

Going off at a bit of a tangent, I have been driving a manual for over 50 years. Husband recently bought an automatic and I just can't drive it. Every time I brake I nearly put us both through the windscreen. I keep using both feet to brake. Just can't get out of the habit after all these years.

If at all possible, get a recommendation from someone you know for an instructor. I did better with the independent guy recommended by my coworker than with my original one.