to think some posters get way too invested in threads?

[catchingup1]

Genuine question because I’ve noticed this a lot lately. You’ll have an OP come on asking for advice or just sharing a situation and within a few replies some posters seem to take it very personally.

They start demanding answers from the OP, picking apart every single thing they’ve said, quoting line by line and then getting annoyed or even angry if the OP doesn’t respond to them specifically. Then it escalates into “what do you actually want from this thread?” as if the OP has to justify posting at all.
It’s like the thread stops being about helping and turns into some kind of interrogation or point scoring exercise.

I get that people are giving their time and opinions but the OP isn’t obliged to reply to every comment or explain themselves to strangers on the internet.
Sometimes it feels like people forget there’s an actual person behind the post, not just a debate to win.

I used to get over invested in threads . I didn't used to interrogate the OP in the manner you describe and I hope I always remembered it was a real life situation. But I used to Watch a lot of threads and get realky emotionally involved and upset by them.

I made a conscious decision to stop watching threads. Sometimes I will revisit them further down the line to see what is happening to the OP.

However I still get notifications if anyone quotes any of my posts or tags me on a thread and I still have a problem with returning to the thread and answering the person who quotes me. So my next step is to stop the notifications and try and let things go.

So yes I really recognise what you are saying. I live a socially isolated life and I know how easy it is to get too sucked into the MN world. I do get very annoyed by the people who treat the OP and their problems as some sort of soap opera there for entertainment.

That’s really honest of you to say.

I think what you’ve said about being socially isolated makes a lot of sense. It’s so easy to get pulled in when you’re following a thread and it starts to feel a bit like a story you’re invested in. Then you find yourself checking back, getting annoyed, wanting to reply to everything.

It does sound like you’ve handled it well though, especially stepping back from watching threads all the time. Even noticing the notifications thing and wanting to switch that off is half the battle really.

Completely agree with you about the soap opera side of it too. That’s the bit that doesn’t sit right, when people forget it’s someone’s actual life and start treating it like entertainment.

I don’t think you’re the kind of poster this thread is about at all, you sound quite thoughtful about it tbh.

I just like going back to see whether people have liked my incredibly wise and thoughtful contributions in their multitudes! 😂😂 And of course whether people haven't liked them and disagreed with me.

There is definitely a correlation between the amount I post and what's going on at home. I have various caring things meaning I'm stuck in the house a lot at the moment, so I am putting far too much energy into posting and replying. I hope I'm not personal and mean, and hope I'm funny sometimes too, but I often get a bit soapboxy.

Yes. The end 😆

Yep and people who derail the thread with picky arguments about side issues!

I agree but the many really lovely, helpful posters who go out their way to help those who are facing difficulties, warms the heart

Sometimes I post a single reply and sometimes I get stuck in and engage fully in the debate and discussion. Not haranguing the OP but following up points that are I think are unhelpful/misleading/inaccurate etc. from any poster . Or adding further opinions as the content of the thread evolves. To some that is deemed 'over invested'. But to me it makes MN much more enjoyable. More like IRL conversations and discussions.
The posters that I find irritating are the ones who read the OP and nothing else and post on page 23 of a thread.

It’s really annoying when there’s quite an obvious answer/point to be made/question to be asked which you and other posters have pointed out and the op is only answering the comments that suit them rather than replying to the very pertinent point that you and others have made.

In those circumstances I can get a bit over invested out of frustration and sometimes ask why they’re not answering the question when they’re happily responding to everything else.

Yeah i notice this a lot and sometimes it comes cross as bullying, especially when they talk about the OP and not to them and make sneery remarks.

I am reminded of a poster years ago.

She got so overinvested in threads, she bought herself a pay-as-you-go phone and encouraged others to ring her, to discuss their problems! 👀

Hardcore overinvestment!

Yanbu. People will ask a simple question, and then you have commentors wanting to know their entire life story or making things up and telling op it will happen to them.

My LL recarpeted my house and I posted a simple Q about it and I was getting told by people I will get a section 21 all over a bit of new carpet when the post wasn’t even about that kind of thing & without knowing the full story. Quite simply some people on here are BONKERS.

Seriously?! 😦 😂

Maybe they do not answer because they do not want to reveal anymore or they know if they do answer they will get attacked. There is usually a reason. There is no point people keep piling in on the OP to demand their questions are answered.

Yeah, must've been over 14 years ago now but I've never forgotten it! 😁

I came on here after noticing an adjacent post titled thread 26 of the salt path and assumed it was about that. Seriously I read the book and assumed it was fiction and I’m relatively interested but 26 threads 😂

Sad widow?

Genuinely can't remember the poster's name as I was pretty new back then.

Yes I have noticed this. I am on a thread now where someone keeps coming back obsessively to defend one particular specific point of view and I find it bizarre and quite emotionally unhealthy. At first I thought it was just me they were arguing with but nope, they have been arguing with many people on the thread over one particular specific point like its their job.

I feel really sad for people like that, they must not have much in their lives.

I learnt not to post anything overly personal a long time ago and never in AIBU. I last created a thread on here a few years ago and was told I probably had a mental illness and needed urgent help. It was a situation where when I actually spoke to people IRL about it, they agreed I was in the right and they would feel bad too. There’s a real sense of pack mentality too so if a poster reads other posters jumping on the OP, they feel they can and almost should too.

On the flip side, I’ve had enormous support with other things before over in Chat. AIBU is just a bit toxic.

Also the people who go digging up the OP's previous posts and then use that to attack them.

I thought the same. Hopefully that poster was able to channel her energy elsewhere, and help other people that she knew in rl. I think she meant well, tbh.

There are a few ‘hot button’ subjects that I feel very strongly about and am knowledgeable about and tend to get very involved in. Eg ADHD, benefits, vaccines, immigration, climate changes There is an awful lot of urban myths propagated on here that are actually the opposite of the truth. Eg1 someone always comes along and says ADHD is over diagnosed but people who work on the field say the opposite. Eg2 there’s invariably a poster who says people on benefits have a higher income than those working full time on minimum wage. That is not usually the case when we are talking about healthy non-disabled childless adults. The picture is different for people who are very disabled, especially if they are too ill to work.

I’ve noticed threads where one poster will have a whole succession of posts deleted, and think to myself ‘why don’t they take the hint?
I also dislike threads where 2 posters will have long drawn out arguments between themselves, often barely relevant to the original post.

It’s usually something like MIL is being a problem and the obvious question is “why hasn’t your husband (her son) talked to her about it” or an issue at work and they won’t answer questions about taking it to HR. Things along those lines.

Often if they do end up responding, the answer is something like “husband refused to talk about it” and they just don’t want to enforce boundaries or stand up for themselves.

There’s definitely posters with an agenda who love the sound of their own voice and completely derail threads to make it all about them.

A recent example a thread was deleted due to one poster deciding they were right, everyone else was wrong and reporting anyone who argued back.