to think some posters get way too invested in threads?

[catchingup1]

Genuine question because I’ve noticed this a lot lately. You’ll have an OP come on asking for advice or just sharing a situation and within a few replies some posters seem to take it very personally.

They start demanding answers from the OP, picking apart every single thing they’ve said, quoting line by line and then getting annoyed or even angry if the OP doesn’t respond to them specifically. Then it escalates into “what do you actually want from this thread?” as if the OP has to justify posting at all.
It’s like the thread stops being about helping and turns into some kind of interrogation or point scoring exercise.

I get that people are giving their time and opinions but the OP isn’t obliged to reply to every comment or explain themselves to strangers on the internet.
Sometimes it feels like people forget there’s an actual person behind the post, not just a debate to win.

Anyone who's invested in something enough to start or join 26 threads is someone I'm not going to engage with.

Regarding the original question, I suppose in days gone by they'd have sat observing their neighbours behind net curtains. Now they don't have much going on and get over invested to the point of interrogating other people and demanding updates as if it was their right to be informed . Or they just spew random thoughts and seek attention by starting threads about whatever fatuous stuff pops into their heads. Without social media they'd have nothing to do as they treat people like their bespoke entertainment platform.

I agree I have been on the receiving end of this, many times. Sometimes life is more complicated than just do.. posters get angry if you don't take their advice. And often the op is responding to the posters who seem to understand the situation better or give advice that works for op. Sometimes op hust want space to talk not aways to fix.

Yes definitely.

I don't like this either, BUT there's been many times I've been grateful that someone else has searched an OP to show they're either telling blatant lies, or they're the type who never return to a thread.

Or they've deliberately missed out a huge backstory to manipulate answers.

But doing it to attack is not on.

A lot of posts on MN make more sense when you remember that there are other places on the internet where people analyse MN threads, mock posters and egg each other on to post things that are goady or intended to catch someone out. They're like a sort of shadow mumsnet. When someone on here is being a dog with a bone, I always suspect this.

Agree with this. Sometimes a quick reference to an OPs previous threads can give a bit more context (and sometimes point out blatant discrepancies)

If it is done in the right way, then I don’t see an issue

How much I engage with a thread usually correlates with how bored I am lol. Or like now when I’m meant to be painting my skirting boards but I can’t be arsed.

What I’ve noticed recently though appears to be an increasing number of threads where the OP posts and then just never returns. I don’t get the point of that. Fair enough if it’s something like “currently on my way to A&E ….” or “my house is on fire…..”. and/or the OP updates a while later.

But oftentimes it’s something that lends itself to a bit of debate/conversation and I do get a bit annoyed when the OP doesn’t even acknowledge the replies. Inwardly annoyed though - I’d never harass someone to respond or demand an update.

I live a socially isolated life and I know how easy it is to get too sucked into the MN world.

I think this is a very valid point for a lot of people.

I post here as a distraction from the shit going on in my actual life but I'll often go away and completely forget about threads. I don't spend time worrying about people or their circumstances. If I read something and think I can help then I will. But, once I've shut down the app, it's gone for me.

But I do think there are a lot of people who are socially isolated (for various reasons) and I think it is easier for those people to become overinvested and also to take it personally when they are not responded to, engaged with or when a poster doesn't move on the action in a time frame they would like.

For some people, this is where they get their dopamine hits and are they become impatient for the next one.

How much I engage with a thread usually correlates with how bored I am lol. Or like now when I’m meant to be painting my skirting boards but I can’t be arsed.

Yup! 😅

Sometimes the discrepancy is because the OP changed a few details for anonymity. I have done this.

I cannot believe that

I keep thinking something else must've happened.

Yeah, sometimes they change small details and people pick on that.

But for the most part it's glaring discrepancies that cause the rows.

You've missed the part that they do a deep dive into the person's previous posts and point out contradictions or info they feel was inappropriately omitted in a "gotcha" move and then other's chiming in that the uncovered info changes everything and that their previous supportive post no longer applies.
🤦‍♀️

That is so true! Well articulated.

That infuriates me too. I scroll past their playground bickering but it is ridiculous behaviour.

I will reply to one comment if somebody quotes me and is being argumentative but if they carry on trying to pick a fight I ignore them.

Yes, I dont get notifications like that as I changed the setting

People do really invest in threads. I had a thread about a birthday party last year and there were people really invested in the story however..is this sort of the point of mumsnet and engaging in a thread?

I find it far more baffling the posters that come on and say 'really? 15 pages about a party? I'm glad i have more going on in my life!'

What is the point in those posters?

The ones that get me are where a week or so after the thread has died down, someone will come on just to post, "Hi, OP, I just wondered how you're doing now?"

No. No, you didn't wonder how that complete stranger was doing now. You were just sitting down with a cup of tea and no other thread caught your fancy or you were feeling a bit bored/nosy and just wanted someone to come and entertain you for a while.

I don't like the sort of posters who are wise after the event: 'why did you marry him before he turned out to be an axe murderer?' Those sort. Or, 'I would never have married an axe murderer, even if I hadn't known at the time'. Sanctimonious and pompous.

This is really annoying. They say this and yet they are on the thread. If you have so much more going on in your life, get on with it!

I always see this kind of thing on the step parenting threads. People saying they would never be with anyone who had children and people who do should have known what they were getting into.

YANBU I am reading two threads this morning and watching people argue, disagree and get all emotional.

It's a bit much. One is about relocating and the other is about eating out and affordability

Ive had it a few times on MN.
Even last night one poster said she has no words, because I was an adult that owns a toy bear.
And what dose this bear do.
She was quite rude to others as well.

"Why would you move there? Nobody is friendly"

imagine thinking you know that 9 million people are unfriendly and then stating it like it's fact as if you've met each and every one of them

😁

I also notice posters get angry if you don't take their advice. If posters haven't lived that life or been in that situation they either think it couldn't have happend or the answer is easy. When the op explains that can't work the poster starts having a go at the op because that poster wants everything neat and tidy. When theres not a neat and tidy answer they get uncomfortable. Because its out it their comfort zone. Its like they want to be seen as having the answer..
I have even seen posters advice someone in a dv situation to be honest with the violent person when op explained that would put them at risk. The poster started arguing.