Friend and visitors for future newborn

[Verytall]

I know that whether I think this is unreasonable or not its my friends choice, but I just wondered if anyone has navigated anything similar, or perhaps thought like this but then changed their minds?

A good friend of mine is pregnant with her first. We're part of a long-standing group of friends where we don't see each other as much as we've all moved around and she's about an hour away now, but I'd say we're still close. Most of us have slightly older children or chose not to have them, I only mention that for context we're used to maintaining friendships when kids have come along. Friend has had terrible luck with the pregnancy, has been very poorly. We've arranged to meet up several times with some others from the group but she's had to cancel each time (I've no doubt that's genuine)

Friend has asked again about meeting up and is now suggesting close to her due date. Given how hard her pregnancy has been (and still is) I suggested perhaps it might be a bit optimistic and we could wait till baby is here and then meet up. She said she wouldn't be able to see any of us for a few months otherwise. I thought at first she was worried about getting out with a newborn so I started talking about how we'd fit around her like we've done for others, eg go to her but not expect to host, could bring her some food round etc.

Friend explained that she meant she won't be seeing anyone for a few months - she doesn't want anyone around the baby until they've had their first few sets of jabs, so three or maybe four months. Until then, immediate family only.
I know it's become more common for people not to have visitors very early on, but this seems pretty extreme to me? Has anyone else come across this?

FWIW friend doesn't usually have any particular anxiety around health that I'm aware of, nor is there anything about our group that would make us risky (eg no anti vaxxers or local outbreaks of anything) I don't know if this idea was first hers or her DH's but I don't have any worries about him being controlling. I just find the idea a bit extreme! Im not wanting to cause her any additional stress so I'll go with her wishes, I am secretly hoping she'll change her mind at some point though!

I guess it is completely up to her and her DH.
But I do also think people who impose extreme rules/hide their child away are the ones who are later wondering why people haven't bonded with their child and aren't making loads of effort with them.

Perhaps she'll feel differently when the baby arrives and want her friends around her, I'd have been bored to death stuck inside the house (which presumably she is planning on doing if she doesnt want friends visiting, she wont want to be around strangers) She may want friends support or just company. If not, there isnt much you can do, its not the way I'd choose to do things and actually felt socialising my baby early on helped with his immune system but I dont know if thats true!

I'd cut her some slack since it's her first baby. She might or might not feel different when her baby comes and that's up to her and dh. Just keep in contact with her if you want to and see how she is. I remember having so many people in my ear with what I should do with my babies and when you are new to it, it can be overwhelming what to do.

I honestly couldn’t be arsed with someone who did this. Totally weird in my opinion and agree with others that she’ll soon be complaining people have lost interest.

@BinNightTonight I did think that, her DH will be back at work after a few weeks and I do wonder if she'll change her mind as it could be very isolating.

@Ella31 that's what I am doing. I'm just a little surprised I suppose, I know it's more common now to plan to have a 'newborn bubble' for the first few weeks, I was wondering if this is the new thing!

@OrigamiOwls I know what you mean, though I'm hoping it won't change things in the long run.

Oh this does irritate me, I know times have changed but get over yourself is what I want to say
i know of someone recently who sent out a post to say, we couldn’t mention how new mum and dad looked, ask if baby sleeping or feeding ok the list went on……I’ve not visited

This is so over the top.

I'd just nod and smile... ridiculous!

Never understand this i was so excited to show off my new babies

Quite bonkers but I'm sure she'll change her tune.

Yes, smile and nod and say of course but if you change your mind just let me know, it can be a bit lonely at first.

I think you say "ok, understand, we'll be here if you change your mind, lmk when you feel like a coffee".

She's incredibly naive but you have to leave her to it.

Perhaps she is expecting a puppy instead of a baby?

Have to say I'm a little relieved that I'm not the only one who thought it was strange. I was wondering if I was out of touch!
I know pregnancy can really change how people think, though she's not someone I would have expected to come out with this though, ordinarily she's quite pragmatic. I'll smile and nod, and hope that she might change her mind and want a bit of company when the baby is here.

Batshit crazy imo ! (Sorry) this seems to be an increasing trend and people are so precious about something so lovely, being able to visit , make her a coffee and have a little newborn snuggle, now wanting to keep the baby under lock and key … lets hope once hubby has gone back to work she doesn’t feel tired lonely and isolated and in need of a visit from friends

This. If they want to do this, fine; it’s their baby.

But they would be massively U to think that months later after the jabs people are going to drop everything to visit the baby. They can’t have it both ways.

Absolutely ridiculous. I find it all so self involved and full of their own self importance. I hate all the "newborn bubble" stuff anyway but months is bonkers.

I honestly couldn't be bothered, it would spoil the friendship for me tbh and I think they'll sadly find people really aren't that interested in meeting their baby anyway.

I’d see how it goes. I’d be bored stiff if I never saw anyone and was at home with the baby all day. She may find it restrictive. I’d see how she feels after but it’s up to her.

It did throw me a bit that she talked about it like it was completely normal, it wasn't a 'actually we've decided that...' it was more 'oh but we should try and meet as if we don't it'll be months before we can'

I'll prepare myself for meeting a four month old, and accept anything else will be a bonus!

She is not unreasonable to put her own boundaries in place. Your disagreement with her choices is not relevant. You’re not much of a friend if you’re posting online calling her decisions strange.

Saying that you “know pregnancy can really change how people think” is so condescending. Pregnancy does not change the way someone thinks. It makes us reexamine our priorities.

She doesn’t know whats to come. She will need the support even someone holding your baby while you take a shower becomes a luxury.

Typical Mumsnet, someone's got to come out looking for a fight!

Nope. You posted in ‘Am I Being Unreasonable’ so why is it a shock to hear that I think you are. Did you want to hear other people’s ideas or did you want an eco chamber?

I still think she's bonkers and naive but I'd say a 4 month old is much cuter than a newborn anyway!!

Again, bit aggressive still. You won't get a fight out of me though, far too chilled from being in the sun today. Sorry to disappoint.