Background: in a relationship for 2m, we will call him M.
M told me very early on that he has trust issues (understandable given his history) and was worried I’d leave.
1 month in he freaked out that we were too serious and he wasn’t ready. I agreed, we slowed it down.
2 months in, I missed my period. I was on the pill but I think it’s been affected by my IBS. Definitely didn’t miss any.
told him I missed my period, he broke up with me and broke down in tears saying he was broken and couldn’t have a rship, suicidal etc. This was 1 march.
after a week of a mixture of not speaking and him saying he was sorry for hurting me and how mentally unwell he was, I found out I’m pregnant. I told him.
he has basically told me He ended it because he couldn’t trust me. I hadn’t told him straight away that my sterilisation had failed, (I told him 3 weeks into the relationship and was on the pill the whole time). His friends thought I was baby trapping him.
we ended up arguing all last week, him saying I’d messed up, that I was now being nasty, that he was broken and scared I’d leave so he hurt me by trying not to get hurt himself, as if he got hurt it would be the end of him. He said he didn’t think we’d have lasted anyway, and the differences between us were too big (the difference being our thoughts on marriage).
he then said he regretted saying anything and wished we were still together, that he wished we could come back from this but we can’t, that he wished he could go back in time or that he’d met me when he was mentally better. Then said he’d support me with the baby.
i felt he’d been very toxic, one minute saying we weren’t right for each other, the next saying he wished he’d met me later when he was better. He’d gone from breaking up with me cos of his mental health to then blaming me.
i now have to decide whether or not to keep the baby. He made it clear he wants to be in the baby’s life. The last message he sent to me was deliberately hurtful and nasty, so I have since told him he will never hear from me again. And we have been no contact for a week. (Although he watches my stories on WhatsApp, which is weird. He deleted me everywhere else)
im now struggling with a mixture of heartbreak, as I genuinely cared for him. It was too intense too soon and that’s why it hurts… but also the fact I’m now pregnant and don’t know what to do. I feel abandoned, as despite his words he hasn’t actually been around. I’m worried he’s looking for someone else, though as he can’t trust anyone it’s likely to be casual.
when I make a decision, which has to be soon, AIBU to not tell him? To just disappear, and leave him to it? He is clearly unwell if he’s been suicidal (though apparently
feels better now it’s sunny) and me
messaginf him may make it worse (he says us talking reminds him of how much he hurt me) but he should have a right to know? He’s probably waiting for me to tell him.
never been in a situation like this before, i was happily married (he died) and it’s my first proper relationship since he passed away.