AIBU to consider applying for a prohibited steps order to protect child - age 4 years

[GwendolineFairfax8]

Daughter (40) sadly estranged. My only child and I totally spoilt her. I take full responsibility for that.

She was being bullied by her husband. For example, blocking her phone to cause her anxiety whilst she was in a high risk pregnancy and had suffered previous miscarriages, telling her he hated the pregnancy and it was ruining his life, she went to hospital on her own as baby had not moved - and husband was still cruel afterwards. She would say she could not speak for him shouting at her and she could not let him help with hormone injections for fear of him hurting her as he was always so angry.

I was on call to help her 24/7 and transferring lots of money as was told they would lose their house.

She said she would leave him. When the baby was born and husband shouted, causing little one distress and said baby hated him, I brought things to a head - saying I would tell everyone. Overnight he became father of the year and she stayed with him and turned against me.

Previously daughter had ‘hated’ our extended family members and not seen them for 10 years. She started sending videos and photos to them of my little grandchild - but not to me (which broke my heart). They also invited them into their home which shocked me.

There is a long history of sexual abuse in my sister’s family which my daughter was not aware of and it is causing me anxiety. My sister’s husband molested me in the past and they are now trying to gain access to my grandchild. He was sacked from his teaching job for gross misconduct (sexual) and my sister was suicidal at rumours of his groping. His brother was sent to prison for 10 years for abusing young boys and his father is currently on bail for molesting a 10 year old girl and attempted rape, plus molestation of other young females. Two of sister’s grandchildren have reported rape by others - plus she forced her own daughter into an abortion (which my daughter knows about).

No surprise that I am estranged from my sister. She has always known about the abuse and ignored it.

Triggered recently by our new neighbour sharing that he knew my sister’s husband from workplace and had concerns about him. Other people have also been in contact to share concerns about sister’s father in law being a ‘pervert’.

I believe my daughter’s husband has only struck up a relationship with them to hurt me.

Or, am I being unreasonable and my thinking is distorted by not seeing my grandchild? It is all so awful and will soon be in the press. The ten year prison sentence monster already is.

Should I apply to try keep my grandchild away from these people?

I think the "best" you can do ia report your concerna to social services. However that may not do a lot.

I very much doubt that a prohibited steps order is the right approach here, although it's not really clear from your post what the terms of the order would be.

If you think there is a genuine risk to the grandchild surely a social services referral would be a better start.

If everything you have said is true I think he may possibly be abusive and he is the one preventing her from speaking to you as you didn't stand for his shit.
Unfortunately you interfering will make it worse not better. Time is what is needed here. Just be there for her when she eventually sees sense and leaves him.

Thank you for your suggestion but I used to work for Social Services and this would be a very low level concern.

It is the first time I have heard of such an order - which now almost feels worse if I sit and do nothing.

You can’t take out an order to stop someone else’s child seeing certain people

They are married. I suppose he told her he would change. I thought he had but this new contact is sinister - and I know she will be hating it.

I disliked him for a long time but hid it well most of the time - because as long as she was happy then I was happy.

Really helpful attitude when I am concerned about a child.

I was adult mental health - but had friends in child protection, who shared some horror stories. In fact, a lot of our adult clients were in the system from children.

I have been out of SS for about 25 years.

It is her side of the family but she never previously wanted any contact with them.

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/form-c100-application-under-the-children-act-1989-for-a-child-arrangements-prohibited-steps-specific-issue-section-8-order-or-to-vary-or-discharge

I was alerted to form c100 which a grandparent can fill in

Social Services was stretched to capacity 30 years ago.

I will call on Monday as I must admit I did (perhaps wrongly) dismiss them out of hand.

Im sorry to say legally you cant do this.

Read the guidance document. A grandparents can apply for a guardianship order. They need permission to apply for other types of order. If you are estranged from your grandchild you will not get standing to apply for a prohibited steps order.

If by accident you had permission.. what could you evidence? Can you say the child has been left unsupervised with someone inappropriate?

I understand its scary for you but social services report is your only option.

Not necessarily!
I have a friend who is not in a totally dissimilar position to the OP. A few years ago if you had told me my friend would be estranged from her daughter I’d have thought you were delusional! But it happened. And in a similar manner to what the OP describes. A new partner with numerous red flags, a Claire’s law application, a disclosure from police and then she’s gone. Totally bought his lies hook line and sinker. Leaving behind a broken and confused family. It’s been years now and there is little to no contact. Don’t underestimate the power of abusive men in these situations

@GwendolineFairfax8 if your daughter is in contact with your sister and husband and that it was he that sexually abused you, then you must inform social services and make them aware of the situation your grandchild is in.

Your daughter will then be fully informed about her 'married-in' uncle and uncle's family allowing her to make the correct decisions in order to keep her daughter safe. Even if she chose not to believe it, mud sticks, and she'll no doubt stop sharing videos of her and inviting them to her house just in case there is any truth to it.

You cannot possibly apply for a prohibited steps order to stop someone else's child from spending time with a third person who has no criminal convictions for anything (as far as you know) that's just not possible.
You must report this to social services and ideally report the abuse to the police to strengthen the evidence.

Would a Sarah's law application be appropriate ?

Why though? She already knows they’re dangerous. Having the police confirm it to her doesn’t change anything