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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to consider applying for a prohibited steps order to protect child - age 4 years

31 replies

GwendolineFairfax8 · 21/03/2026 14:07

Daughter (40) sadly estranged. My only child and I totally spoilt her. I take full responsibility for that.

She was being bullied by her husband. For example, blocking her phone to cause her anxiety whilst she was in a high risk pregnancy and had suffered previous miscarriages, telling her he hated the pregnancy and it was ruining his life, she went to hospital on her own as baby had not moved - and husband was still cruel afterwards. She would say she could not speak for him shouting at her and she could not let him help with hormone injections for fear of him hurting her as he was always so angry.

I was on call to help her 24/7 and transferring lots of money as was told they would lose their house.

She said she would leave him. When the baby was born and husband shouted, causing little one distress and said baby hated him, I brought things to a head - saying I would tell everyone. Overnight he became father of the year and she stayed with him and turned against me.

Previously daughter had ‘hated’ our extended family members and not seen them for 10 years. She started sending videos and photos to them of my little grandchild - but not to me (which broke my heart). They also invited them into their home which shocked me.

There is a long history of sexual abuse in my sister’s family which my daughter was not aware of and it is causing me anxiety. My sister’s husband molested me in the past and they are now trying to gain access to my grandchild. He was sacked from his teaching job for gross misconduct (sexual) and my sister was suicidal at rumours of his groping. His brother was sent to prison for 10 years for abusing young boys and his father is currently on bail for molesting a 10 year old girl and attempted rape, plus molestation of other young females. Two of sister’s grandchildren have reported rape by others - plus she forced her own daughter into an abortion (which my daughter knows about).

No surprise that I am estranged from my sister. She has always known about the abuse and ignored it.

Triggered recently by our new neighbour sharing that he knew my sister’s husband from workplace and had concerns about him. Other people have also been in contact to share concerns about sister’s father in law being a ‘pervert’.

I believe my daughter’s husband has only struck up a relationship with them to hurt me.

Or, am I being unreasonable and my thinking is distorted by not seeing my grandchild? It is all so awful and will soon be in the press. The ten year prison sentence monster already is.

Should I apply to try keep my grandchild away from these people?

OP posts:
Dalmationday · 21/03/2026 18:38

I think the best thing to do it wait til she finally leaves him and be there for her. Nothing else

namechange272727 · 21/03/2026 19:33

The court won’t let you make an application in these circumstances.

Social services will be extremely interested though - I would be amazed if they didn’t investigate.

GwendolineFairfax8 · 21/03/2026 19:58

4wardlooking · 21/03/2026 17:40

@GwendolineFairfax8 if your daughter is in contact with your sister and husband and that it was he that sexually abused you, then you must inform social services and make them aware of the situation your grandchild is in.

Your daughter will then be fully informed about her 'married-in' uncle and uncle's family allowing her to make the correct decisions in order to keep her daughter safe. Even if she chose not to believe it, mud sticks, and she'll no doubt stop sharing videos of her and inviting them to her house just in case there is any truth to it.

Thank you - that is very helpful

OP posts:
ElsieMc · 21/03/2026 20:08

As a grandparent, you have to apply to the family court for permission to issue an application in the first instance. It is not easy.

As a grandparent carer, even our right to apply to the courts was challenged.

You would have to show that you had regular contact also as any order is for the benefit and best interest of the child.

GwendolineFairfax8 · 21/03/2026 20:58

snowibunni · 21/03/2026 18:18

Would a Sarah's law application be appropriate ?

One of the child abusers was already on the BBC News. Another will be imminently.

OP posts:
GwendolineFairfax8 · 21/03/2026 21:00

ElsieMc · 21/03/2026 20:08

As a grandparent, you have to apply to the family court for permission to issue an application in the first instance. It is not easy.

As a grandparent carer, even our right to apply to the courts was challenged.

You would have to show that you had regular contact also as any order is for the benefit and best interest of the child.

Thank you - but it is not for contact (although I would love that) it is to prevent contact with these individuals.

OP posts:
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