Am I being unreasonable to consider another baby at 34?

[Whataday1]

Am I too old for another baby at 34?

My eldest is 10 this year, my youngest is 5 this year. I feel so so so utterly sad that I have no babies in the house anymore, at the same time I am getting a-lot of independence back and able to focus on myself more. I feel like a part of my life is older and now all I have to look forward to is grandchildren which is ridiculous because I am only 34! Im also worried about health etc, I felt unwell for a while after my 2nd and don’t really want to feel like that again… but oh the longing.

Of course you're not too old. I had my first baby at 34.

I think because I had my first 10 years ago… i feel too old 😅

That’s a totally normal age to have a baby.

These threads are so weird to me. Do you genuinely think people who are 34 are too old to have babies?

YABU because 34 is of course not too old to have a baby. But whether it’s a good idea considering the age gaps with your others, and your reasons to have another, is a different matter

I became a grandma at 34!

Anyway, I would never consider bringing more children into this cruel, horrible world that we now live in, it’s a disgrace and a disaster that’s only going to get worse.

So do you think you are too old or not? Because towards the end you say “it’s ridiculous because you’re only 34”…

What is the real question? You clearly aren’t too old though, and it’s insulting to millions of women who don’t start having kids til that age or older (I had 3 by 32 so no skin in this game) to suggest it is.

Are you in a relationship? If so, does your partner want a baby? If not, are you looking for a relationship, a one night stand that results in a baby, sperm donor?

No that was how old I was when I had my first child! My DMum was also 34 when she had me, first child in the 1970s.

Go for it!

Not too old! I'm 36 and trying for my 1st soon!

Agree with @Tillow4ever that I don't think you are quite articulating the question you have.

I had DS (my first DC) when I was 36 and DT when I was 38. Categorically not too old and I would make that decision again at that age / that time of my life. They are all young adults now and yes, retirement is out of the question for us while uni / in full time education is still on the cards, and that is the only part of it I hadn't realised / thought through -- that having three at uni at the same time would be crucifyingly expensive.

Is the question should you have a third? No-one but you and your DH can really answer that one. I would say if you both want to and you think you can support the kids the way you would want to in the future then yes, go for it.

Or is the question are you too old? That one is easy: the answer is no, not too old.

Are you healthy enough to have another one? Again, a different question but has FA to do with age.

FWIW I have a buddy who has three, and went through a "I desperately want another one" for a short while. She didn't and just recently (ten years later) we were all crying with laughter about it, and she thanked us for helping her through it because it would have been a TERRIBLE decision for their family; so sometimes the intense need does just pass.

I'm due in 3 weeks and I'm 35, I will be going for my last in two years at 37. You are not too old.

You are not too old by any means. However I think you should re-consider your reasons.

Its impossible to advise you as your position is uniquely yours. Everyone’s lives are different. There are important considerations around finance, support for this choice, what resources you have. The children you have need you for a long time too.

Only you can choose. Like many things in life there will be pros and cons. Some women know when they’re done having babies. Some don’t know. Maybe it’s easier to think both outcomes are fantastic.

I never had the luxury of wondering because it was so hard for me to have my two. It was all I could manage to conceive.

I agree. The whole premise is utterly bizarre. ‘Am I too old to have a child…at this completely standard and commonplace age to have children?’

Too old??!!

Aren’t you pretty much the bang average age at all which most people have a kid these days?

Having a third at 32 was the best thing I ever did. My elder two were 10 and 8. They were a brilliant help and took over a lot of the parenting very willingly. The are still very close even in their 40s and 50s. My 8 grandchildren are between 33 and 9 and are also very close to each other. More like siblings than cousins.

As to your grandchildren, my GGS and my youngest GD are the same age and also good friends.

Do you have enough money, space in your house and or car for a third child?

You and your partner must be equally enthusiastic about a new addition too.

If yes then you are definitely not too old as some people are much older than that for the first one!

Did you keep all the baby stuff? This might indicate as to whether you planned to have number three.

Do you work? Can you afford another child? What happens when this one hits 5, Will you want a 4th.

Does your partner want another? Do you have a partner?

So many questions

Of course you're not too old.

However in my opinion you should have a child because it's the right thing for the child, the right thing for your family, and because you want to extend your family. And have another child who will be a baby, toddler, child, tween, teen, young adult etc. Having another baby because you want another baby in the house seems a bit short sighted as in 4 years you'll have a 14 year old, a 9 year old, a 3 year old, and no baby in the house. Not sure if I'm making sense but sounds like it's the baby stage you're missing and that's over really quickly.

WTF. I find it so insulting that you think 34 is too old for a baby. I’m 35 and we are trying for our first.

I'm 33 and pregnant with my first.

Where I live 34 is considered really quite young to be having a first baby - most of the nursery parents I know are in their 40s.

The question isn’t are you too old, it’s can you afford three. Babies live cheaply, teenagers not so much.
Then don’t you want to be able to help with uni fees, driving lessons, house deposits…Don’t you want to get your career back on track, pension contributions etc.
I’d also worry about a third roll of the dice bringing disabilities/ND’s that would upend the happy family I’ve already got.

I had mine at 24 and 29 and wouldn't change that. Female fertility starts to decline around aged 30 and mid 30s declines further and egg quality deteriorates. Over 37 egg quality and quantity declines even more rapidly and there are higher miscarriage rates. So if you're going to try for another I'd start trying now tbh. However, I'm 35 now and, whilst I loved the baby stage, no way would I go back to the sleepless nights, breastfeeding etc nor would I want to split the time I have with my current two. Also, I'd miss having the slight more freedom that I do now.

I don't think you're too old to have a baby but I would think down the line to having a 5, 10 and 15yr old. 5 year age gaps are significant (I'm a child of one!) and needs are never really the same. At 5 and 10 you're probably still getting away with them doing similar things. But a baby and 5 is quite different as is 10 and 15.

I wouldn't take it as a personal insult, the OP is asking for opinions based on her personal circumstances. For me, also 35, I would consider MYSELF too old as I have an 11yo and a 6yo. I wouldn't say 35 is too old for others.