Am I being unreasonable to consider another baby at 34?

[Whataday1]

Am I too old for another baby at 34?

My eldest is 10 this year, my youngest is 5 this year. I feel so so so utterly sad that I have no babies in the house anymore, at the same time I am getting a-lot of independence back and able to focus on myself more. I feel like a part of my life is older and now all I have to look forward to is grandchildren which is ridiculous because I am only 34! Im also worried about health etc, I felt unwell for a while after my 2nd and don’t really want to feel like that again… but oh the longing.

You're not too old at all, however given all the other stuff you said I wouldn't have another baby if I were you. Enjoy having got the baby stage out of the way while you were young and look forward to your freedom returning year on year and getting your adult life back again sooner than all your friends. I promise they will all be very envious!

34 is no age.

If it’s your dream to have another baby and you can afford it then do it !
I had my third baby 2 years ago, the week after I turned 44. Zero regrets !

I’m the same age as you and my kids are exactly the same age too (weird) although I also have a two year old. I’m pregnant with number 4 and very happy! Do it if it suits you!

Having a third at 32 was the best thing I ever did. My elder two were 10 and 8. They were a brilliant help and took over a lot of the parenting very willingly. I don't think a 10 or 8yo should be taking over a lot of parenting!!

OP do you have a partner? As there's no mention of if they want another and you both need to be an enthusiastic "yes" otherwise it's simply a "no".

If you really enjoy being around infants have you considered working with small children? It might be something that suits you well. Whether or not you have another baby, you will eventually no longer have babies at home!

If you are concerned about the large age gap between your first and last child that's one thing, but if your saying 34 is too old to have a child, that is utterly ridiculous.

While they used to say this was geriatric maternal age, most women don't have a baby until 30 now. My gynae did say it's harder and problems do gradually increase after age 25, but that many, many women have no issues at all. I get that if you had problems before, you might think they'll come again, so ask your doctor for personal medical advice, as they know your history.
But I wouldn't just think of yourself as a mum and potential grandmother-there's lots you can do, and if all your focus is on kids, it might be very stressful when you're older, as your kids might not want kids of their own/might move away etc, so if you've got a job/other interests you enjoy, you'll not just be focused on that.

I see loads of first time mums in their 30s so I certainly don’t think it’s ’too old’ to have a third baby!

That being said, I’m 33 with a 5 and 7 year old. Whilst I sometimes get a bit broody, the idea of going back to sleepless nights, starting back at square one with my fitness (I was super active in both pregnancies but they still took a lot out of me), a possible third round of hyperemesis, dealing with criminally understaffed maternity services, doing toddler years, potty training etc. all over again, and starting from scratch because all the baby stuff is long gone… It’s a big fat nope from me. I’m delighted that my kids will be in their 20s by the time I’m in my late 40s. (Even though I’m not entirely convinced autistic DS will ever leave us 🤣)

Everybody’s making this about themselves and choosing to get offended even though that’s clearly not the intention.

If OP had her first 10 years ago, she’s asking if it’s a good idea to have another child at 34, with a 10 and 5 year old. The age random MNers had kids is irrelevant. That’s not the question being asked and she’s not having her first baby.

In response to the actual question: No, it’s not too late to have another. It could be a challenge to find activities that suit them all, but isn’t really a big issue - small gaps are tough, too. If you have the time and energy to spread, then it’s all good.

Thank you! No i am not articulating it in the way I had thought it all just came out! I know 34 is not too old, but when you have two in your 20’s it feels like a whole lifetime ago. I suppose I am wondering from other mums is a 3rd worth it with a 10 year age gap between youngest and eldest? And how difficult was it to go back to that period? I thought I was done with two and always wanted to finish having children by the age of 30. Reasons for thinking about a third have crept in, we will be moving into our dream home very soon and both think how nice it would be

Thank you for this! Yes it did not come out right at all with me! Much appreciated:)

Yes my husband is keen… we think of it and speak about it often due to moving to another home soon and it will be our forever home. We both say wouldn’t it be nice, but then i think of my eldest and the age gap and starting over with the sleepless nights again etc..

Of course 34 is not old to have a baby, so implying that means YABU.

However 'missing having a baby in the house' is not a good reason to have a 3rd child.

i do miss it so do much, its an old hiraeth and im really feeling it

There are other things you can do instead to fill the space a child leaves during the day to go to school - work, hobbies, a puppy - so if it is as it sounds, you're panicking about that, you might be better off considering those first.

If you realise that no, it's not about a fear of being home alone or having to work with adults instead of a lovely, cuddly toddler and you do definitely both want another child, there's no reason to think that being 34/35 is too old.

Seriously ? I was almost 44 when I had mini blondes

yes I wanted to be 33 but Mother Nature had other ideas and 10yrs ttc and 5 private ivf and finally one bfp ! She is 9 next week

yes you have 2 kids at different ages but you are not old at 34

Well obviously 34 is not too old but you know that.

The bigger question is why do you need a third? Especially with 2 lovely healthy children already. I would just enjoy the children you have but I'm not you 😊

Can you afford another? Will your existing children do miss out on things? Would you cope if your third was severely disabled?

Blimey, keep it light 😳 😂

I have an almost 12 year gap between eldest and youngest, I found cost wise having them spread out had made things a lot easier.

This is not something to be proud of, by any stretch.

I had my first at 28 and my second at 36. I don’t feel too old at all.

the only issue I have now is when he falls asleep and I try to leave the room without waking him up my knees crack which disturbs him - that’s a new one lol

I’m 33, I have an 8 year-old and a 7 month-old and baby 3 will be due in September.
My eldest will be 9 by the time the third one arrives and I’ll be 34 by then too.
The age gap has been perfect for our family after so many people telling me to get a move on if I wanted more children. She’s so good with her baby sister, she loves to help and then goes off to play in her room when baby needs feeding/a nap.
It was actually so easy to get back into the night feeds again, it was like muscle memory and she’s already sleeping through the night (apart from right now as she’s got her first cold).

Ive just turned 40 and expecting my 4th (oops baby) this august! definitely not too old.

I get you op. I have an 11 year old and an 11 month old. I've found it easier in some ways but harder in others. I'm exhausted and I have less patience than I did with my eldest (I'm almost 40 though). She is a much wanted baby but with the toddler tantrums and a year of no sleep etc it is easy to look back and wonder why the hell I did this to myself when I was just about to have so much freedom 😂. I don't regret her (honestly she's amazing) but I'm not sure I would make the same choice again if I could do it over again. It's not a decision any one on here can make for you though and I'm not sure you can ever fully know if it's the right decision you just either do it or you don't.