School mentioned expulsion - WWYD?

[Receptive1]

need some honest perspectives here please…
DS 12, has autism and FPD and has not been enjoying secondary school as it’s generally overwhelming due to his needs, but we are taking it a day at a time and getting there. Today he came home upset after being accused of using a derogatory term towards another pupil in his class. He strongly denies this, and while no child is perfect, dishonesty is not one of his traits. He generally finds lying confusing and pointless due to his autism.
He said the teacher told him that it could not be proved either way ir
it happened or not, but that such an incident could potentially lead to exclusion. As a parent, this is obviously very serious, and I haven’t received any direct communication from the school about what was reported or how it was handled.
I’m particularly concerned about how my son would be protected if further allegations from this child are made in the future. Should I contact the school, and if so to say what? Secondary school is a new world to me as had this happened in primary I’d definitely have been made aware of it at the end of the day at pick up. TIA.

What was the derogatory term?

He won't be expelled. As for suspension, it depends what he said.

Apparently it was “m**go”. I really don’t think my son knows this term or would use it in a derogatory manner.

Well he says he didn’t say it, in fact he’s adamant he didn’t say it and it is a falsr
accusation. The teacher told him (apparently) that they can’t prove it as it is the other pupil’s word against his.

What was the situation, and how was it dealt with at school?

Ok, sorry, cross posted.
I would suggest that you ask for a meeting with the Year Head/Pastoral Head and discuss what happened. They won't suspend with no evidence.

It sounds like the teacher was expressing that the word is unacceptable at school. Abut it doesn’t seem like there is any real risk of suspension at this stage. But it might be worth having a chat about.

I’ve only heard from my son who came home
upset and confused, and said he’d been told it is explusion worthy if
true. I just don’t know what, if anything, to say to school but my concern is if is a false allegation and there is another one that may happen which is terrifying. No experience of this at all so hoping someone can help.

I had a good chat with Ds who said he’d told the truth, I’m just worried about any more false allegations and what to do.

Unfortunately kids do use the slur ‘m”””g’. You might not think your kid does but kids can do things at school that they don’t do at home.

It‘s a tough one. Can you speak to DS and say that whilst you believe him but that if he does say a rude or nasty word in future then he may not be allowed back to the school?

At the same time, you could speak to school again and ask if they can be separated in class.

I think I’m taken back by the use of the word expulsion, not suspension (especially if he’s being honest and didn’t even say it)

Both of you need to put "expulsion" out of your minds. Believe me, a suspension is very serious and no school will do so without very good evidence. Please make an appointment to see someone, such as the Year Head or Pastoral Head of the year group.

What's FPD?

That’s helpful, thank you. He speaks in quite a robotic tone with limited vocabulary so I would genuinely be surprised if he’d said this term but I know we can never know our kids inside out. He and this boy are in the same form class
but aren’t friendly and don’t spend time together (my son spends break and lunch in the library) so I don’t know how they could be separated further.

The teachers can be told to sit them separately in the seating plans.

I think I'd get ahead of this, and get DS's version on record.

I'd contact the school and say DS said he didn't say it and you are worried about the possibility of it being a false allegation.

I'd also ask that these two are separated as much as possible.

Is it normal in secondary school for staff to mention expulsion to a
child and not send an email/ make a call to the parent?

So these days the phrase that is used is permanent exclusion and it’s incredibly rare for this to happen from one incident.

it would be incredibly unlikely to be happen given that there is no evidence that he said it and it is one students word against another’s and he has no previous record.

in practice permanent exclusions are very rare and generally happen only after multiple temporary exclusions (often known as suspensions for a fixed number of days) and most schools will try a managed move to another school first.

i think the teacher was trying to impress the seriousness of this on your son.

Ok thank you, I’ll call tomorrow and ask if I can make an appointment

No, it's not, but we don't know exactly what happened or what the teacher said. You need to have a meeting and get some clarity from someone with responsibility.

I did think it felt extreme (not that I’m minimising the harm of
such a disgusting term) but given what goes
un-expelled in the school I was taken aback that he was told that was what he was at risk of.

Thank you, I’ll try and do this tomorrow.

I'm inclined to think, as @Octavia64 says, that the teacher was giving a warning about offensive terms.

It could be that some manipulative kid is enjoying upsetting your child because it is easy to do. No kid on earth is perfect and during my teaching career I have seen pupils who you wouldn't dream would do this do it for 'just a bit of fim' of course it is not fun for your child and should be stopped if this is the case. It needs looked into discreetly so that if it is a usually reasonably child he/she can be pulled up on it and, with parental backing will normally back of. It could of course be a notorious bully and it could also be that your child has said this and is lying about it because he's in a panic about it.
I would make an appointment and have a calm discussion with either or both SENCO/Head of Year. Don't go in all guns blazing op but definitely go in and discuss. 💐

It depends what was said.
’Thats a very serious allegation, it’s an expulsion offence’ - just a fact
‘youre going to be expelled’ - no not normal.

i would just send an email to pastoral explaining that your son didn’t understand what was said, the process or the likely outcomes and you’d like to clairify, as you are aware that the only evidence is another account from another pupil.

i doubt they will do much without proof if he’s denying it