To ask whether pps have a) male friends b)close male friends

[Carla786]

I was recently reading a thread about the pros & cons of single sex schools. Personally, I went to one and I felt it was a good model, since joint activities with the boys' school and other extracurricular activities meant I could still befriend boys outside.
On the thread, quite a few posters were saying that going to a mixed school helped them make friends with boys, rather than seeing them as alien creatures and that it's negative if people are mostly friends with their own sex.
I agree in theory that people should try to have friends of the opposite sex. But otoh how typical is this for adult life? Studies show fairly high numbers for people in their twenties, but these lessen for married people, and are less likely to be 'close' friendships. And ofc there's various reasons for this : worry about male friends having other intentions, jealousy issues if married etc

Interested to hear thoughts..

I'm middle aged and married. Most of my close friends are men. I've always worked in male dominated industries so naturally formed friendships with men easier than women as an adult.

I’m in my 50s and married, and though I went to convent schools from the age of four to eighteen, and only really encountered boys at university, I made longtime male friends as a student, in various jobs, and among the parents of DS’s friends.

I don’t have any proper close male friends other than DH. I don’t trust men in general enough for that and don’t believe I can get what I need in friendship from a man.

Yes and yes.In was in a convent too. I have very close male friends (work in a male dominated area) - married with two kids. My best friend is male and stays over a lot - also godfather to my children. I prob have more male friends than women.

I'm middle aged and married and have male and female friends. The male friends including: work friends, uni friends, friends husbands, husbands friends, men I know from activities and hobbies, school friends.

I didn't have male friends at my coed school. Boys were love interests or antagonists.

My 2 ds go to all boys and they have female friends from outside of school. Ds1 is pretty girl crazy (15) so I'm glad he's not dealing with distraction in school time.

I went to a mixed school.

I only have two proper friends who are men, and they are married to each other. I have lots of male acquaintances, colleagues I get on with, husbands of friends I get on with etc, but no other proper friends who are men.

Yes, to both, but none are from my school years. All ex work colleagues! I’m very friendly with some of my husbands friends but I’m not sure I’d call them MY friends as such? Maybe they are 🤷‍♀️

I went to a mixed school. I have two very good male friends who are both gay (they aren’t friends with each other or a couple) and one good straight male friend who is married. I live with my male DP who is my best friend!

Interesting- I can see there could be issues if someone never sees boys while at school but I don't single sex schools automatically cause friendship issues later...

Maybe that's more couple friends? I think that counts though.

I went to an all girls school and really struggled with making and keeping friends. After 5 years I switched to a mixed school and quite quickly made a very close group of friends, mostly boys.

I mostly have male friends still although I have a couple of close female friends too.

Yes and yes. Pretty even split of male and female. My best friend is male and was ‘Chief Bridesdude’ at my wedding. I’ve known him since I was eight. DH’s best friend (since uni, so not school) is a woman.

I don’t think I know anyone who only has close friends of the same gender as them. I’m 40.

Yes, I think it would be unusual for someone not to have opposite-sex friends as a matter of course.

My closest friends at school were boys. You are right that this has drifted as I have gotten older. It is definitely harder to maintain male friendships as you go through motherhood, etc.

It was a real and vital stage for me in my teenage years/early 20's though. I have always struggled socially in female friendship groups (my inadequacy, not a critisism of women), and without the shallower male friendships I would have been quite isolated.

Yes and yes.

I have one best female friend. 2 best male friends.

Of good male and female friends - ie used to be very close but don't speak as regularly anymore. Its probably 90% male.

I do find male and female friendships quite different. Obviously I am flexible to both styles but there is a marked difference imo.

Chief Bridesdude - I love that!

What do you think the main difference/s is?

Im mid-30s, married, 2 kids. Most of my friends are men. Best friend is a man. All are straight and married with kids, except best friend who is gay and currently single.

Yes, I have several male friends. I had lunch with one of them today, as it happens. I'm not sure exactly what you mean by "close" - I don't see him that often but our conversation is very open, honest and personal when we do get together, so I would say fairly close. Dh isn't remotely bothered by my friendships - he has female friends too, and I am not bothered by them either.

My dd went to co-ed schools and has a few close male friends. I wouldn't have chosen a single sex school personally but each to their own.

I think men are more relaxed about no contact and then just picking up where you last left things as if there has been no gap.

Women are more aware of this and get apologetic about it.

I also think the medium differs. Ie. With my girl friends we will call, WhatsApp, text, voice note, send pictures and memes on a much more regular basis.

With my close guy friends it’s bigger gaps and mainly phone calls.

Interesting because when I think about the time and add it all together it is not dissimilar.

Best female friend- A few 30 minute calls a week or an hour once a week
Best male friends 1 - phone call once a month of about 2 hours
Best male friends 2 - can be a sporadic time difference from 1 month to 3! And the length of call can correlate with that! It’s not unheard of we have 4/5 hour conversations! Which is utterly insane

My close male friend is gay.

My other male friends are the husbands and partners of my female friends as we all went to school together/grew up together.

Any other single male who I have been friends with have ALWAYS tried it on with me in some respect.

Mixed school, have male friends but closest friends are women.

Interestingly, my H, who went to an all boys school, gets on much much better with women than men: he can’t abide all the bantery competitiveness.

My closest friends are all male. I have some female friends, but not as close as the male ones, and I don't socialise with them as often, either.

I was a bit of a loner in school, but when I did socialise, I tended to gravitate more towards boys (usually the nerdy type, but I was a bookish, nerdy girl, so...)

I hope you're not a journo @Carla786

But answering as if you're not.
50s
Married.
Like male friendships and 1 particularly close male friend.
I prefer the company of women, and most of my friendships are female.

DH also loves women, and most of his friendships are female too.
He has 3 or 4 close friendships with men
He's closer to all of them than the women in his life.

All my friends are women bar one. He is a trans man.
I just don’t have any interest in making straight male friends.