In not letting my friend in my house with her dog?

[charliecat]

My best mate has recently got a dog. Between us we have 4 kids and I see her almost every day. Well I did till she got this dog.
I dont want a dog running about with the kids in the back garden, while we are in the house having coffee, so every time she has came round with the dog, I have kept her at the door.

She came round on Sunday and a mate who I dont see very often(twice a year maybe) was in my house...with her dog.
My best friend asked me today why it was ok for other mates dog to be in my house, but not hers
I said because I dont see her everyday and because theres not 4 kids running about in the garden with it.
AIBU?

no way are you being unreasonable, you don't have to be consistent, that's pathetic. it's your house, you don't want her dog coming round every day but it's not a stand you're particularly prepared to make with people you only see twice a year. plus they don't have a flipping staffie.

YANBU.

You made an exception for your twice a year mate, but generally, you don't want dogs in your house or garden. Simple.

Your gaff, your rules.

I would then be very careful about letting it mix with the children.

It may be the sweetest dog in the world, but if it has been mistreated it can only take a small thing to trigger a bite... and staffies do not let go. It may not be a nutcase, but unless someone has had it from a puppy you can never be certain.

we have 2 golden retrievers and the kids are fine with them and vice versa.

BUT, I would always put the dogs outside when there are visitors. The dogs get excited, the kids get excited and this is a very very bad mix, not that the dogs would get aggressive, more enthusiastic.

Personally, I would NEVER bring the dogs to a friends house unless they were invited

Ooh - didn't realize it was a staffie.

Agree totally. If it was abandoned, it could flip suddenly and staffies can be very aggressive. Really really bad choice for a family dog.

fair enough actually charliecat. If you don't like dogs and feel happier if they're not around, then it's your place and your call.
My comment was really that your friend may be upset about the two sets of rules, especially if she's a close friend.

especially if it's been maltreated. your friend is nuts.

anyway, you can always tell your friend that the dog can come round twice a year... then there's no inconsistency. make sure your kids are elsewhere, obv.

Can we PLEASE not perpetuate the scare mongering about staffies.

I'm not saying charliecat should have the dog in her house if she doesn't want to, I totally understand if she doesn't like or feel comfortable around dogs. I am making the point that you can't generalise that every single staffie is a 'really really bad choice for a family dog'. An ABANDONED staffie I agree with you, as you don't know the history.

I know there are aggressive staffies, but there are as many who aren't.

I know this isn't the debate here, sorry, but it does rile me that people constantly generalise about this and other breeds.

(And yes, I know that a staffie will cause more damage than a yorkie when biting, but that's not the point I want to make).

You know what aitch I will say exactly that lol, and that, is fine with me.
Super. Sorted
Thank you.

Charliecat, sorry
I just get so upset when all staffs are lumped in the same basket of 'dangerous, agressive, horrid' dogs.
I know I've taken the chat off course so will bow out - stick with whatever makes you feel most comfortable x

I like the dogs, both are lovely, but the teeth, they are terrifying, the damage they have the potentional to do, it just not something I want to have to deal with IYKWIM. If the dogs not in the back garden I dont have to deal with it?
The twice a year is fab. If its peeing down and she knocks I can say, oh come in, and make a joke of it.

we have NO dogs in the house - dh is allergic and I think ds might be as well, buthavent had enough dogs in to check! He does sneeze a lot when we let our guinea pigs (who live inthe garage in winter and garden in summer) in for a cuddle.

But you have to be consistent. Either all dogs get in or none do.

In our house none do, or dh is wheezing and snoring all night and I get no sleep!!!

I had a mate turn up with a dog once, I told her that she couldn't stay because it would upset the cat.

Oh yes. I have a cat too. And a free range rat.

I don't think you do have to be consistent, actually. It's your house, you have to clean it, and you get to say who comes in and who doesn't. You don't have to let all people in because you let one in, do you? Same with dogs - they are all different, just tell your mate you don't like her dog and it keeps shitting in your garden.

i think this consistency thing is childish thinking, tbh. you strive to be consistent with a toddler, because that's what they understand. a grown woman is different.

Charliecat,
If you're really uncomfortable around the staffie - have a read of this (from a staffie breeder website):

The Nanny Dog

I quote from the second line of the KC Staffordshire Bull Terrier standard: "Traditionally of indomitable courage and tenacity. Highly intelligent and affectionate especially with children". Both AKC and FCI standards have similar phrasing. Our breed was the first, and until recently the only one whose standard specifically mentions its goodness towards children. This alone should give an idea of how strong is the tie between STBs and kids. In 1997, the Southampton University made a serious analysis about the temperament of all KC breeds. Based on this, the Pet Dogs magazine asked Dr. John Bradshaw, Antrozoology Director in that U, and Sarah Whitehead, expert in canine etiology, to pick the top 10 breeds for children, in no particular order. Of course, the Staffordshire Bull Terrier made that list, and the authors went on to say that they were so extremely patient with children, that the kids should be trained so they didn't harm the dogs!

I'm not saying all staffies are like this (I know that's not the case!), but it might help to ease the fears when looking at his teeth if you say he is a lovely dog! This isn't me saying let him in the house either, just thought it might help if you really don't feel comfortable around him.

Seriously, most are very very lovely!

My cat has jumped on the bed and Ive just had a vision of tucking him under my shoulder and knocking at her door. She would wonder WTF I was doing and im not sure if EVERY DAY she could be arsed with the inconvienience of me and my cat.(sorting out her cats to keep them away from mine)
I am going with the 2 days a year thing. Which is fairer than fair me thinks!

wigparty Your like me with smoking, selling a cause
www.whyquit.com anyone?!!!
It is a lovely dog. On a lead, where I can see it, and if I had my wish, it would have a muzzle on. Then the risk of those teeth is removed. Leaving just the poo to moan about!
But unsupervised, as I dont watch my kids in the garden, with 4 kids jumping shouting, screaming, thowing things, swinging. I just dont think its a good mix. Its not something I would be happy doing, hence keeping her at the door.

No one is generalizing about staffies nor any specific breed, however there are some breeds who are better family pets than others.

An abandoned staffie who has been kept in a cage could be a bit unpredictable. Absolutely not its fault, poor thing.

And if you have a dog in your garden, there is the strong possibility it will either poo or pee.

If charliecat is scared of it, then she shouldn't have it in her house. I'm petrified of spiders

I know charliecat .
I totally understand your point of view and don't think you're being unreasonable actually - like many have said - your house, your rules. I like the idea of taking your cat round to hers to visit!

aw ilovemydog, does that mean I can't come round for tea with my spiderfarm?