Paying to find young person a first job

[mothersdaywoe]

Has anyone tried this, its not expensive £500 for coaching, CV analysis, career advice BUT no guarantee of employment at the end.
Its been a year now, DC is depressed and failing further and further behind

@mothersdaywoe I know you probably will decide to be rude instead of taking this on board, but it would be easier for you if you realised that a university degree is not a training for a specific career in most cases, it is an education. There are thousands of people with law degrees who can't get training contracts, and thousands of people with medical degrees appalled because their job for life isn't forthcoming. In large part this is to do with expansion of student numbers.

You seem very impressed by your daughter's academic achievements, but in reality they will not in themselves mark her out as exceptional. Do you know that 90% of Russell Group graduates now graduate with a first or 2.1? (Source, Times Higher Education) The careers will be going to the ones with firsts, or those who undertake further degrees, or those who make a determined effort post graduation to do internships, volunteering or practically anything rather than sitting at home fretting that the world doesn't value them highly enough.

I am truly sorry that your daughter has poor mental health. Do you think it might in part be because you are over ambitious for her? Get her well, let her find a non stressful job and then think what she might do in the longer term until the career chatting about science comes along. Has she considered teaching?

My partner recruits graduates regularly and he works in the industry you’ve mentioned. I agree with changing your name and posting with more location details and see if any of us could help you.

Well then she needs to not be snobby. They can earn decent wages.

Okay I didn't read the comments about the mental health. She probably needs to go on sick and recuperate especially if she is suicidal. Don't know why you are bothered about her career right now.

But there’s more to Tesco than being a shop manager, Tesco need scientists for product development, dismissing Tesco as an employer is very narrow minded.

Chat GPT can’t provide the personal contact so valuable for confidence building people have evolved for millions of years t connect with people not machines

But I agree with the others if your dd is suicidal you should be focused on getting her better, not pushing her into a grad job.

This is a more accurate link:

https://www.gov.uk/find-a-job

I’m a research scientist who also discovered during my degree that lab work was not for me. I also struggled to get my first graduate job after getting my BSc and then MSc.

There’s lots of exciting options for science that doesn’t involve being in the lab, and lots of ways she could try and get work exp or first paid job.

It sounds like she needs support with her mental health first and foremost, then science specific coaching could be really helpful to give her an idea of options, how to write a strong app, interviewing etc. wishing you and her the best of luck and I hope things improve.

v happy to answer specific questions if you have them.

The training would give her a wealth of skills that would be useful in her eventual career.

Well what does she want?

If you daughters mental health is that bad you both need to take a step back from the career thing and chill. Is she ND? You mention melt downs if she misses the gym for instance. You say there’s a lot going on. So maybe reduce the amount going on, Make a conscious decision not to search for a career job for a year, she can keep working in Tescos for a year and get some breathing space to sort her mental health. Maybe in that year pay for some career coaching to find suitable careers and build up her confidence. Slow everything right down. Getting a job in her chosen field will not magically solve any MH issues and could make things worse. If she wants a career she’s best off starting it in the best possible mental state. Take some time away from the pressure, give her back some control by making this a conscious, purposeful decision.

Im speaking from experience- I has a straight A student, Red Brick/Russell Group. 2:1 in Law (again just missed a first )mainly because I was ill with an ED), desperate to get started in a career, I’ve spent nearly 30 years of hell because I was trapped in something I thought I was supposed to do. I wish someone had helped me 30 ago by getting me to slow down, sort out my MH - since then I’ve found out I have ADHD and now being assessed for autism.

Your DD will be in her career a long time, potentially, don’t start in a panic, she’s not getting “left behind” it’s not a race. The professional job market is changing rapidly, too rapidly for even employers to work out what’s going on, both in terms to technology with AI and the global economy. It’s likely, just as with the start of the Industrial Revolution inexperienced job seekers will have to change direction many times as a new career landscape comes into focus, adaptability and resilience is going to be key. It’s not great but that’s where we are, So please consider taking some time out to build up these key strengths. Because without them, speaking from experience, straight As and a fantastic degree mean little. - the trouble is, education and the advice in schools and universities has yet to catch up to the rapidly changing career environment

I think she just needs a job at this point. Any job, it’s disappointing there’s nothing for her degree work but that’s something she can keep looking for.
right now any job will be good for her in so many ways. I would say stop focusing on just a career job and take anything but keep
looking

I agree. She needs a reason to get up, clean her teeth and leave the house. She needs to speak to other people in person, even if they are not the calibre of colleague she aspires to be around. Wallowing at home is doing her no good at all.

I feel for young people today, I really do. Especially those graduates who have been lured in with promises of betterment and riches only to find they are saddled with debt and three to five years behind their school contemporaries who didn't go to university, in terms of any real work experience or advancement. Jobs which are now graduate jobs, didn't used to be and still don't need to be are the sorts of jobs you used to pick up straight out of school with a clutch of half decent O levels or a couple of mediocre A levels, like entry level banking jobs or civil service jobs.

Having so many young people with degrees hasn't created more degree level work opportunities. All it's done is push the youth unemployment rate down the road for a few more years and spaced out the age groups a bit.

And the percentage of graduates who get a good degree has gone up dramatically. Nearly 8 out of 10 students now get a first or 2:1.

OP, a highly competitive, work you to the bone, graduate job is not for someone who is mentally unwell.

Even if she were to get on the first rung of the recruitment process, she won’t make it to the end to secure an offer and it will do even more damage to her mental state.

Focus on getting her well before you consider spending any time or money on finding a graduate job.

Yes, I think this really became a thing with the tuition fees, it’s easy to manipulate marks when you’re selling and marking the same product.

When I was at uni most people got a 2:2 or 2:1. Firsts were very rare

Also OP, has your DD considered travelling?

My friend’s DD has had a terrible time of it. She burnt out whilst studying and had terrible mental health issues and was really lost for a while.

She eventually left to travel, went through south east Asia and is now in Aus. She’s coming home in the summer and will have been away for a year. Her state of mind has changed completely. She is now full of ideas of what she wants to do when she comes home and is genuinely excited for her future.

Just a suggestion …

'They have increased the number of undergraduate degrees they award fivefold since 1990, while the proportion of Firsts they hand out has quadrupled – from 7 per cent in 1994 to 29 per cent in 2019. For every student who got a First in the early 1990s, nearly 20 do now. Masters’ degrees, meanwhile, are nearly ten times as common as they were.'
(New Statesman)

Op, getting annoyed with people won't help your dd.

She needs to feel better before she looks for the 'big job' and that means getting out of the house, spending time with people her own age, learning basic customer service skills and building her confidence.
My ds is only 17 but he's worked for the last nine months as a weekend pool lifeguard. He's working as part of a team, has responsibility, has learned to deal with the public, has proved he is punctual, reliable, clean, tidy and polite. He's enjoying himself and building his confidence, as well as earning his own money.

Your dd needs something like that to start with. Low pressure, good basics while she finds her feet and has a little fun..

OP - I can imagine how desperate you feel if your DD is very unwell mentally. We want to fix things for them. Has she deteriorated as time has gone on since she graduated and hasn't secured a job? I can understand that. When you're an academic high flier it's the first set back and you're no longer able to study your way to success. Perhaps she wasn't as resilient as she thought she was.

It sounds like she is in quite the hole now and maybe a more certain path is needed than keep chasing the uncertainty of the brutal grad job market. E.g. work and save to go traveling. Work and save to do a masters. Maybe get some career coaching that will help her explore different career paths that might be easier to get into.

@mothersdaywoe you are in a really difficult situation, it is so hard with DC who are struggling with their mental health. I have a graduate DS who is neurodiverse and I've spent a significant part of the past four years trying to support him with his mental health and it's been the hardest thing I've ever had to do as a parent. No-one ever lies in the post natal ward wondering if they're going to have to deal with self-harm and suicidal ideation. You just want them to be happy and thriving and it's awful when you know they are neither.

I get that you want your DD to feel like she's progressing career wise but posts like the one above do make a lot of sense. With my DS, I'm well aware that a graduate job will be a distant prospect - like your DD he's highly able and has a good degree but he's a long way from being able to compete in any kind of graduate jobs market, let alone given the current bunfight.

But he is working a minimum wage type hospitality job in the meantime and it's doing him so much good. It's a reason to get out of bed and clean his teeth, at least. He's earning money, gaining useful experience, spending time around people his own age. He's even got a bit of a social life out of it. Does he want to do bar work forever? No of course not. Will future employers care about 'transferable skills'? Maybe not. Will it lead to graduate opportunities? Nope. Is the job helping his mental health and general feeling of self worth and positivity right now, today, on an ongoing basis? Yes absolutely!

FWIW, and to go back to your original query, yes I'd absolutely pay £500 to someone decent to help with CV development, interview skills, confidence building, networking and so on. In time, I may well do the same for DS. But it sounds like your DD has a long way to go before she'd be able to access that kind of thing.

I wish you and DD all the best.

When you have a child who is severely mentally unwell and in my case ND, you can see that structure and routine really helps. It's tempting to try and encourage work/volunteering or anything that you know would help. Sometimes that just puts the child under more pressure.

I hope things improve for your daughter OP

What skills would your child learn by you paying £500 for this?
Bonkers

You posted this in AIBU OP, so you are going to get robust replies you don't necessarily like.

By the way, if your dd's attitude is anything approaching yours, then it's hardly any wonder she's being unsuccessful at interview and that people aren't exactly bending over backwards to help her. Nobody owes her a job, however qualified she is, and whatever her ambitions.

Since your question relates to whether paying for coaching and career advice would be helpful, then I can see no reason why not. As nothing else appears to be working, then it is worth giving it a try.