17 year old & bills

[Winniepoobear]

My son is 17, he has an apprenticeship, and earns £300 a week. He goes to college once a week, then 4 days at work.

He pays nothing towards the household, (i dont expect him to at this age) he pays £40 per week for his driving lesson, but he gets most things paid for him .. things like his mobile phone contract, gym membership, spotify (family plan) internet, netflix etc etc .. we lift him from his place of work 4 days a week (18 miles per day) and he gives no money for diesel. He does NOTHING to help around the house, although he shares walking the dog with his 15 yr old sister (he does this 3 x a week) He basically has £260 a week to spend on what he likes, with no responsibility whatsoever.

My husband an I have been talking about him taking responsibility for some of these bills (mobile phone, gym membership) when he gets to 18, but my husband is quite reluctant to do this, as when he was younger, he never paid towards household expenses, but as i said, he didnt have a gym membership or a mobile phone that his patents paid for him...

I grew up in care and when I got a job aged 16, I had money taken off my wage each wk to pay towards things in the home I was living at, to try and teach me how to live. When I was 17 I had to move out & was given a council flat and bang straight into paying electricity, gas, rent etc.

AIBU to expect my son to pay for his own gym membership and his own mobile phone bill? I really feel that he needs to learn that money doesnt grow in trees & he needs to start show some sort of responsibility, direct debit for gym membership and mobile contract ..

Am I too harsh ... he turns 18 in 4 months.

No at all. If he doesn't like it he has options

Yes I agree that he should

Pay some of his bills
Save some
Do more household chores

I’m sure that you want him to have a better start in life than you had, and that’s why you are funding his life at the moment. I think that’s great. The money he’s earning now will enable him to buy a car and fuel it when he passes his test, and that will make him more independent from you. Maybe he could take over his mobile phone contract when he reaches 18 as that will help him build a credit rating, but I can’t see why you wouldn’t carry on with everything else while he’s still so young. He should, though, be doing more to make a contribution to the running of the home - that should be a joint effort when you have older children, that sets them up for looking after themselves when they leave home.

I think it’s more of an issue he doesn’t help around the house. Why not? He should have regular chores like mowing the lawn, cleaning up after dinner and so on. He’s not living in a hotel.
The Netflix/spotify is irrelevant as surely you get that fur the family - you are hardly going to ask him to pay his share if the TV license are you now?
But paying for some of his stuff - haircuts, socialising, that’s sort of thing he can now pay for. Once he turns 18 he can take over his phone contract too.

Got to admit I had my son home from uni one year he took about 6 months to get a job and finally got a part time one I made him buy us a takeaway on payday but he paid his own car and mobile phone, tbh looking back I was too soft, but he now lives in a expensive place and is paying it all so I'm glad we could help when we did!

You’re not being at all unreasonable. Part of being a parent is equipping your children with the skills to make sure they can live an independent life. How’s he going to manage when his parents haven’t taught him anything about budgeting?

£300 is a great wage! He should pay his own phone bill, a SIM only plan is £10 if he has his own phone. He HAS to take responsibility or what does it teach them?

I would get him to pay for his own phone but continue to pay everything else until he’s earning a decent wage. He definitely need to be doing more around the house though. I’d get him cooking once a week for everyone, putting a wash on etc. A couple of hours contributing towards running a house a week will serve him well.

YANBU at all.

First and foremost he should be doing some things to help around the house-
helping clear up after meals, unloading the dishwashing, whatever needs to be done.

My 17 yo does that and of course takes care of all her own clothes washing etc

12 to at the very least has to take out the recycling.

He should be paying some of his own bills, yes. Gym and phone definitely. Gym is not an essential to anyone. And perhaps a small contribution to the general bills - just a token even.

No he doesn’t need the gym or Netflix. He could go running or play football with his friends for free and get just as good exercise.
Your husband is soft. Let him pay for it and put the extra you save away for your nails or something else you like if he insists on continuing to pay

I've paid for living costs while they are in education but anything extra when they have a job such as the gym will be their own responsibility. After age 18 (once leaving education) they pay towards bills and household costs. Basic chores to help out are normal, especially if parents are working.

I love how posters think that £1200 a month pocket money isn’t “much”.

He should take over the phone and gym, and start helping round the house at the very least.

There are grown adults living on that wage @Winniepoobear
You aren't doing your son any favours by not making him be accountable for his expenses. Let allow do nothing around the house. Do you want to raise a useless man like the common MN useless partner?

I think he should take on his gym and phone. He shoud also contribute towards the diesel if he's getting lifts. He'd have to.pay fares on public transport.

I'm on the fence about house-keeping per se because he is under 18 and the apprenticeship is education. Presumably he's paying some tax, ni and a pension contribution, so that 1200 is more likely 1000, less 160 on the driving lessons, so £840. I'd encourage him to save half and to hopefully have a better young personhood and more fun than you did @Winniepoobear. He also has love and security which are priceless.

Hats off to you.

Ffs, he should at the very least pay for his own phone and help with the diesel.

Why are you paying for all his stuff when he could easily afford it himself?

I bet his 15-year-old sister doesn't do nothing around the house. He should be doing more than her, and paying his luxuries - gym/Netflix etc. Plus additional jobs around the house to pay for your time/expenses for doing his commute for him. Can he get public transport to/from work? Or did he just assume you're free to get him from the off?

If he is earning a wage instead of just being in classroom studies, he should be paying rent. His rent should be proportional to his income and time spent in labor.

now I would also be paying for his driving lessons myself as the parent, so these two things might balance one another out.

letting him feel like 1200 a month of discretionary spending money is normal is not doing him any favors. He needs to learn how to budget.

my two both took over their own mobile phone contracts when they left school. Ds is still at uni so lives away from home but when dd started work she paid us £50 per week towards her keep. She always paid her own gym membership.

It’s great to hear of a teenager doing an apprenticeship.

On that money I’d probably insist on him paying for his phone and gym and set chores around the house. Then charge him something towards living costs but I’d put it in a savings account to give to him at a later date.

£300 a week , living at home, paying nothing is a decent wage.

I would get him to pay for his own phone and gym etc from 18 but if you’re not on the breadline I think you’re being harsh expecting money for bills before he’s even turned 18!

He should be doing things around the house though and to be fair you should have instilled this in him a long time ago.

If he spends every penny he earns on shit then I would maybe ask for something in order to teach financial discipline.

He needs to pay for his own phone and gym and also the cost of fuel for work and lunches.

He also needs to do something in the house. Cook dinner at least once a week plus something else washing up, vacuuming, whatever. Taking him to and from work must be very time consuming for you and DH, so he need to reciprocate.

He also needs to be saving a decent chunk. What's the plan when he passes his test? Buying and running a car, especially insurance for a new driver is incredibly expensive. Where's the money for that coming from?

I think he should start paying his “personal” expenses such as gym and mobile and Netflix if it’s just him that watches it.
He should absolutely be helping with housework - in fact he should have been doing this from the age he was capable, tidying up etc.

Good grief! He’s unbelievably spoiled! He should be doing his share of household chores and he should be paying for his gym and phone, at the very least.