AIBU to think parents should stop emailing school about everything?

[Teachingiscrazy]

I know the government are attempting to try and stop the rudeness from parents which I totally agree with but also, I really think parents need to stop involving school in everything.
This week , my friend was chatting over dinner saying her year 8 son wanted to try art club but he was worried he would be the only boy and he was nervous about finding the room. At dinner my friend said she had emailed the teacher so the teacher could find him, have a chat and reassure. This is for a lunchtime art club!
Surely just talk it through with your child yourself and give him some coping skills ! That poor teacher now has another job, an email to reply to, a child's emotional resilience to manage , all for a club they are running in their lunchtime . I've had parents email me to ask me to talk to their child as they won't brush their teeth at night, could I go and meet their child at the end of the corridor as they find the corridor overwhelming (presumably I leave the other 25 kids in the room) I've had parental emails over the smallest of things that parents could do. GGRR rant over
Ps before we do MN bingo. No ND in these examples

Yes. I had one letter when I had an injury and couldn't do PE, one when there was a family emergency in another country, and in each case I just showed the teacher, she read it and nodded. Ten seconds each time, for my whole time at that school!

I used to get to school at 8 and spend an hour getting my room set up, photocopying etc - same at the end of the day.
If I'd had to read and respond to parents' emails on top of that, I'd have had to add another hour on top.

But these sorts of messages are fine. It’s when parents think their child is the only important person in the entire building. It’s the constant need for information, questioning and complaints that takes the time. Just look at another thread running at the moment - the amount of people who think they should know all the ins and outs of school and believe they have a ‘right to know’ and are emailing school. We do still have planners for short messages eg medical appointments, it works well.

I raise an eyebrow at the amount of times some of DD’s friends’ parents email the school. We can email teachers direct and I think poor teachers! I have emailed I reckon 3 times in 3 yrs, all about serious things (most recently over messed up GCSE options).

I support my DD to have conversations with her lovely teachers if something isn’t quite right. They regularly comment positively on her resilience. I want her to have those life skills.

One of the many reasons I am no longer a full time teachers but juts a supply.

When our primary school send out 4 or 5 emails a day, I think one email every month or so is fine.
Especially when it pertains to my son coming home and telling me something (usually BS) about someone being mean or bullying him. Or when he comes home and says that they have to do gymnastics in bare feet when I know for a fact there are about 3 kids with verrucae in his class. Then an email is needed.

Some parents don’t go to school very often (once a fortnight) . Email is the best communication . Mine is in year 6 - this year I have emailed about 3 times - once as my child told me about a safeguarding concern.

Last year I emailed about 10 times as the teacher was very friendly and said they would rather have a quick direct email to iron out an issue early . They were brilliant at supporting DS and he ended up the year mature and more balanced . This is private though so
expectations and ratios are different

Schools should stop emailing parents about everything. At DD2's school there was a ping to my inbox everytime a teacher farted on Edulink.

DD2's school was. Any time a piece of homework was set. There was a lot of homework.

I've never emailed my kids' teachers. In seven years of primary for the eldest I phoned once and that was the week before he left and urgent so needed sorting out.

They do stand by the door at the end of the day so have had occasional very short chats.

I think email or messaging promotes lazy communication generally. It's easier to fire off an email than to speak to someone but if you wouldn't pick up the phone and say it, don't send.

Homework planner? That's an app at my son's school.
I've just had to buy whiteboard pens as they no longer have paper to write on. They're given a board for each lesson.

I think I've sent 2 emails since DS started secondary school, and one of those was about GCSE options, so not frivolous.

The poster you quoted said 10 emails a week

The school had a Facebook group which was really interesting what parents complained about. But more telling was what they didn't complain about - they had one teacher to teach geography and it was dreadful what was being taught (he was a new teacher, not supported and didn't really know what he was doing so not really his fault) yet the amount of earings allowed seemed to be a bigger issue than their learning to the majority of parents.

Interesting. I have a year 8 DS with SEN, ASD , EHCP and a start to life which statistically means his education outcomes are likely to be poor. (Previously looked after). All the initials.

If my son receives a BP that is related to his poor executive functioning I wont email the school. Likewise, he tends to get behaviour points or detentions with substitute teachers, because he cant manage change. I tell him he needs to do the detention.

The reason is I dont want him to be 'babysat' in school, which I think happens to some children with SEN. They are not really accessing the mainstream education, they kindof just pass through the school.

But, the thing that frustrates me is that schools don't provide him with strategies to help him manage the school day, it is just bang, BP, job done.

It feels like the shift needs to go from 'reasonable adjudtments' to 'strategies to overcome/improve'.

I have 3 kids I can count on one hand the amount of times I emailed a school and they are in secondary plus. Why are parents doing this? That is way too much access to school staff. The poor teachers.

I totally agree with you OP, people need to get a grip. The only time I have emailed the school was when my son was applying for a new school and I needed a reference - the teacher then emailed me and was super helpful. It must be absolutely awful dealing with this on top of doing the actual job. It's best when parents don't have direct access to the teachers.

feels like the shift needs to go from 'reasonable adjudtments' to 'strategies to overcome/improve'.

Why is this the schools job and not yours as a parent?

It needs to be ‘flexible consistency’- you expect the same thing from everybody but help some to achieve it. Eg lining up after playtime and coming in quietly- some might need a now and next board/ reward chart/ sequencing list/ adult support, but they still have to come in quietly and sensibly, because an orderly start to the session benefits everyone. It’s when we’re asked to change the expectation and let some children do whatever they want that it’s a problem, and that is increasingly happening.

It sounds like your child needs more help with his executive function at school.

At our secondary school you don't get a reply to emails anyway, so it's pointless bothering. They all go via the office and I think I've emailed four times? I have a child in year 11, one in year 9 and not once has anyone acknowledged an email. I'm here with three different Apps on my phone trying to keep up with the communication from them, and have to wait for the next parents evening to discuss anything at all, and then they say they wish they'd known earlier. I appreciate that they get a lot of unnecessary stuff though.

There is a better way on both sides, I just wish I knew what it was.

I didn’t even realise I could directly email the teachers.

AIBU to think the school should stop emailing parents about everything?

My children's schools have an app which you can message teachers on, and we're encouraged to use it if there's any issues we want to raise but hopefully parents don't take the piss. I did once message DS's teacher with something that seems rather silly but I was at my wit's end. He kept forgetting his belongings at school - he'd go to school in the morning with coat, hat and gloves but as it would warm up during the day he'd leave without them and go to afterschool club in the next building and when I arrived to pick him up the school was shut so couldn't go get them. Was running out of coats etc. to send him in in the mornings! I'd remind him every day but he's just so forgetful it goes clear out of his head, so I asked his teacher to please remind him to take his belongings at the end of the day and she very kindly said she would and it really helped.

DD's primary school teacher positively encouraged us to contact him about everything, he even gave us all his personal phone number (though obviously said only call during school hours) and he answered it when you called, even during lessons (had to call once because DD's dentist called offering an appointment that day so asked him to tell her to leave at the right time then had to call him again to tell her not to leave as dentist called me again to cancel because she suddenly got ill!

"Dear Mrs. Oricolt,
Susan is having a lot of issues with Jenny and Ava. They are being quite unkind to her and it's having an effect on her confidence. She was sobbing at bedtime last night. Could you please follow this up?
Susan's Mother"

Okay. So instead of having a wee at break time, I track down the three girls and try to find a quiet space to have a chat. I ask them what's going on. All three girls (including Susan) are nonplussed. That was yesterday. Today they are BFFs. I make sure that I'm not missing anything. Ask them if they need my help with anything. They do not. Yeah, they fell out yesterday, now they think about it, but that was Because Susan said Ava's hair tie was not the right colour green and Jenny told Susan she shouldn't say that and... and... blah blah blah normal kid stuff.

But I'm not done.

Now I have to write the incident up. Then it lands in SLT inbox and they have to read it. Then I have to compose a reply to Susan's mother assuring her that I have followed it up, and after a day of overwhelm in the classroom I need to find a polite way to say it was a storm in a teacup. Then I have to document that I replied to Susan's mother. Then I have to remember to check in again in a few days time.

This has now taken about an hour of my week.

What should have happened: "Oh darling, I'm sorry you had a bad day. I know, friendships can be difficult sometimes. Why don't you play with someone else tomorrow if you're not getting on with Ava and Jenny this week? Sometimes things feel worse at bedtime. Let's have a good night's sleep and see how you feel in the morning."

Because my son is in secondary school, he has upwards of 10 teachers and I cant micro manage or really have any say over his school day. I dont even know what it like.

At secondary stage, I have one opportunity per year to meet his teachers face to face for 5 minutes plus his EHCP review meeting once a year.

I do teach him and help him at home as much as I can. But I can't help him build strategies when I dont know what the school day looks like and the vast majority of communication comes via BPs.

"No ND in these examples" should read "No ND currently identified and diagnosed".

DD1 has ASD. Not diagnosed until 15 (not a mild case, will need lifelong care).

DD2 has ASD. Not diagnosed until 11 (not a mild case, now in Special School at 18)

DD3 has ASD. Not diagnosed until 15 (now in Special School)

I agree that the class teacher shouldn't be dealing with this stuff. Waste of money. But schools could employ a B grade TA to mop up all these issues, which means that children would perform better and teachers could teach.