AIBU to think parents should stop emailing school about everything?

[Teachingiscrazy]

I know the government are attempting to try and stop the rudeness from parents which I totally agree with but also, I really think parents need to stop involving school in everything.
This week , my friend was chatting over dinner saying her year 8 son wanted to try art club but he was worried he would be the only boy and he was nervous about finding the room. At dinner my friend said she had emailed the teacher so the teacher could find him, have a chat and reassure. This is for a lunchtime art club!
Surely just talk it through with your child yourself and give him some coping skills ! That poor teacher now has another job, an email to reply to, a child's emotional resilience to manage , all for a club they are running in their lunchtime . I've had parents email me to ask me to talk to their child as they won't brush their teeth at night, could I go and meet their child at the end of the corridor as they find the corridor overwhelming (presumably I leave the other 25 kids in the room) I've had parental emails over the smallest of things that parents could do. GGRR rant over
Ps before we do MN bingo. No ND in these examples

I hated when our school moved to giving out emails (very quickly redacted due to workload issues and the sheer volume of emails coming through in the evening and early hours).

I found a lot of the emails I received were ridiculous or personal requests or silly things. One thing I really noticed was that many of the parents sending emails were using wrap around or other forms of childcare (child minders, grandparents, nanny's ect). So things like, "jane hasn't had her book changed this week", "can you monitor tim at lunch", "who is running art club and what time is it because sam wants to go" were not getting passed on at the door during pick up or drop off, or parents were asking wrap around staff to pass things on and wrap around was forgetting or didn't know the answer so referring to the teachers. They were using it to pass on seemingly benign messages, but were expecting a response.

The more abusive/ demanding ones showed there was also evidently a lot of stewing going on. Again problems were not brought up at pick up or drop off and someone had stewed over it, wound themselves up and then sent an email "putting their complaint in writing".

Other key offenders of lots of emails were the anxious parents. Again not passing messages or wanting to hang around and talk in person at pick up and drop off.

Our school moved to class dojo and stopped the message teacher directly setting but allowed group commenting. This quickly got rid of the "book changing, art club, can you look in Billy's pack up" style requests. It also meant questions about "event" days like world book day were answered by other parents. We brought in email the office and the teacher will be sent relevant emails on policy and this also filtered out a lot of the noise. We also brought in that emails would be followed up with an in person meeting for certain issues. It really seemed to focus the mind on if this was really worth hanging around after drop off or pick up.

My god yes! I am constantly pestered by ridiculous emails from parents( even though they are filtered through the school office). I have so little time to even read them - let alone find the time to reply!
It is especially annoying when I have literally just seen the same parent who emails on the playground and they could have just had a quick conversation which would have taken a fraction of the time.
When I first started teaching we didn't have work emails. It was so much better!
Many more entitiled parents these days too

I recently worked at a private school and they used class dojo, which is fine, but parents were able to message the teachers on there and I was truly gobsmacked by some of the messages they got.
I remember one teacher being particularly stressed one morning as a parent had sent a very long and moany message at 11:30PM the night before.

I honestly think the parents are more needy than the kids. I say this as someone who has worked in both private and state.

He's in year 8 , so 13 and it's the other way round. He doesn't want to be the only boy in art club (he has no evidence to say this is the case) it's him basically being a bit wet.

We had a parent which phoned the school asking if a member of staff could come to her house to take her son back to school as he was refusing to go back after lunchtime.

You couldn't make it up.

Maybe schools should also evaluate how much they email parents. My youngest is year 10 and I still get at least daily emails about various things from her school.

It's a lot! So much info to wade through and actually decide if it's relevant to us and then finding info again when you need it is more time and work!

Oh, I misread. Yeah, Year Eight is being a bit wet. I have far less sympathy. And will be delivering a sexism lecture.

This! I’m admin in a school and cry regularly with frustration over parents emailing in. Basically unless I call them personally, send a carrier pigeon and also a text message reminder then they didn’t get the mass email that I sent because I didn’t do all the above!

I will happily help a parent with a genuine query and spend time on the phone reassuring them but please please please for the love of god read your bleeping emails before you call or email me with a query I have already answered because I anticipated the silly questions!

When I was teaching, you'd get a parent calling the office and complaining along the lines of: "I emailed Ms X at 9.30 am but it's now 12 am and still no reply."
Errrr...that would be because I'm teaching!!
I left the job after 21 years in last year. It was the best thing I ever did and nothing - nothing - would get me back into the classroom.

😂 Your examples are crazy.

I was going to say my children's school encourages us to contact them with any concerns. I wouldn't even occur to me to email about any of those things 🤣

Could you tell my 12 year old he needs to brush his teeth more, thanks

i would ask if there truly are no SN or if the children are perhaps just pre-diagnosis? My dd masked very well at school. Even after diagnosis, many teachers would forget she had ASD despite the fact it causes her real challenges and she has an education plan.

I try to contact sparingly, but I absolutely will continue to email teachers if that is the only way to help my child engage properly at school.

@MyJollyMentor Oh I've had "Could you tell my child to go to bed before midnight" on more than one occasion. No! You're the parent!!

I'm going to say something unpopular here, but even with a diagnosis , lots of this is life skills. Lots should be done by parents. Not intended to be mean, but eventually the reality of life is coming, we need to prepare them for it

About 2 years ago it was crazy. " I've found out my child has been self harming what are school going to do?" My child isnt sleeping/ other health issue And when you would say please take them to the GP , they wouldn't!

Ok, reasons I've emailed teachers direct (its easy to figure out the pattern once a handful of SLT emails are on the website)

My child was attacked by a classmate on the way home, and I was keen for them to know incase anything happened the next day.

Child said school trip was the next day - classcharts said a different day (they needed the right kit for a field trip and to be at school early). Classcharts was wrong. In this case the school office couldn't have responded fast enough.

Can't really come up with anything else other than responding to direct messages from a couple of teachers.

Whilst im sure there are some parents who abuse the system, there are also cases where (i believe) it can be beneficial.

I don't think the OP comes across like that at all. I expect she wants her students to learn confidence and resilience. But anyway,it's completely and utterly unreasonable of parents to expect this level of individual attention to their child. It doesn't occur to them that the teacher probably has a full timetable, maybe runs a department and almost certainly has an inbox that is constantly full of messages and instructions sent internally relating to one or another of the the umpteen kids they teach per week (300 in my case). We just do not have time to be chasing round after kids, escorting them to clubs and reminding them to brush their teeth!

I read your OP and thought the boy was 8! I still thought the teacher didn't need to be involved. Year 8? How could you listen to your friend with a straight face?

Of course. I've had two emails today about genuine queries , don't begrudge them at all.

You COULD give us a few examples, though...!

Signed, retired secondary headteacher.

Honestly, hats off to primary or secondary teachers. It's a very hard job. I am sixth form now and it's much more my thing, but also less stressful in many ways.

I did primary supply for a couple of months a few years ago and it was eye-opening. The expectations of parents were crazy. I remember one father being apoplectic because his son's jumper had disappeared! I explained that I was a teacher, and there to teach not monitor jumpers (of 10-11 yr olds!). Massively glad I don't have to do that on a regular basis.

Yes, I agree, parents should not email teachers individual requests for minor life changes. Obviously, if major or unusually upsetting events happen then that rule should change. For my part, I respond to parent emails but they only come in once every few weeks and the parents are usually very polite and understanding.

I've remembered an incident from when I was a young secondary teacher. This was back in about 1985, before email, texts, mobiles and there were only 4 TV channels.

A colleague reported that at parents' evening the night before, the mum of a boy in his Y8 tutor group was complaining that she couldn't get him to do his homework because "He's watching television all the time and won't stop to go and do his homework Can you talk to him about it and tell him he's got to?"

Colleague: "Switch. The. Television. Off."

I find this a seriously depressing attitude

A year 8 child is just that - a child. they are spending a large amount of their waking hours in school - yes absolutely the adults around them should have some concern for their wellbeing and pastoral needs

what a depressing race to the bottom of the attention they should have in school

Children who need encouragment , who are shy - are exactly the children who should be given small amounts of care and attention to join clubs

I can tell you as the parent of an autistic child that it is this lack of concern for children as individuals that is a reason for such high rates of school refusal

I work in a secondary in the office and you would not believe what the parents request! It’s non stop, items being brought in all day as their child has forgotten a water bottle/a chemistry book/a pair of socks for PE etc. if it’s anything important we will try and get the items to students but parents are astounded when we say we don’t have the staff to deliver items to classrooms! They said ‘but my child needs it. They’ll be upset’. We have over 1400 students and it is time consuming and unnecessary. Parents expect the world. I deal with it every day. The complaints if their child gets a behaviour point for bad behaviour, they call/email and turn up in person, always fighting their child’s ‘battles’. Overall the students are not very resilient.

@waterrat What does that look like to you as part of the average school day? Does your young person have check-ins with a member of staff?

Where did OP mention autism?

I am the parent of a 16 year old autistic child. She has struggled with school refusal. The thing tha has helped her the most is building her resilience and therefore her ability to cope in school.