AIBU to invite only half my son’s class to his party?

[MizzyDazzy]

To invite half my son’s class to a party?

My son is turning 6, I asked him if he wanted an all class party, he said no. He wants a treasure hunt in my parents’ back garden (which is what his sister did at that age).

I didn’t limit the number she could invite, but she ended up picking 10.

I asked my son and he has named 15 children (or half the class) and I’m not sure if that’s going to go down badly…

My daughter has had a very specific friendship group from reception whereas my son doesn’t seem to have found his gang yet (bit worried about that but I guess that’s for another day 😆).

I also don’t feel I know the parents in the class very well as we’ve missed some parties (and my son has only been invited to all class parties so far) and I only do one drop per week and no pick ups as I work FT.

A lot of the parents seem very good friends and everyone seems to know everything about each other so I feel whatever I decide to do will end up being known.

So should I silently pick a few of the children my son named and not invite them or do I go ahead with his wishes and invite just half the class?

A whole class party isn’t now really an option as I’ve booked the entertainer and hosting at my parent’s house.

Who made this rule? The whole class party thing has got out of hand.

Half the class, mix of boys and girls, is absolutely perfect. Absolutely NO ONE would expect you to have 30 kids in your garden!!

Unless you went to 29 class parties last year, not everyone had a whole class party. I wouldn’t worry. Is your garden huge? I think any more than ten kids in my garden gets overwhelming.

Some parents might dump and run - be prepared! But for the rest, if you have an entertainer for the kids you can relax and chat to the other mums.

I personally hate the trend to invite boys to boys parties or girls to girls parties. I’m not sure if this is skewed by having boys who always seem to have quite a few girls as friends! I think the art is to make sure your not leaving out jut a few as that is hard on both the kids and the parents ( have been in that position was horrible). If it’s a class do 25 he asks for 10 not to be invited then I think that’s fine.

Who knew there were so many politics involved in parties!!

Invite the whole class or don’t bother! Nothing worse than knowing your child has been left out.

I never did all-class for my eldest. There were some kids she never would’ve wanted. We did 2/3rds.
with DS he usually shared one w his friend so we did a couple of all-class as we split the cost.
i think as long as you’re not inviting everyone but 1 or 2, do what you want.

It’s a large, enclosed garden with climbing frame, swing, enclosed woods and trampoline and then private woods behind a locked gate to hide the buried treasure in. There’s a summer house if the weather is bad which will hold them all too so they won’t need to go inside.

Wow, your parents’ garden sounds idyllic!

PP who listed the rules has nailed it. It sounds like you’re in good shape, assuming a class of 30, roughly 50:50 boys and girls then not inviting 5 boys is fine.

I’m intrigued by the WhatsApp chat… are parents asking for advice or are people just telling each other what to do?

Some people asking for advice but I’d say some was unsolicited.

A lot of exchanges about who does what for homework - seems to go from a competition for top spot to competing for being the most useless parent in getting basics done. I just don’t get it.

In reality it’s probably a small handful of parents but they seem to have elected themselves the leaders of the group to dictate how things are done, which I guess silences everyone else.

For example, they dictated that nobody should buy their child’s nativity costume and then shamed a mum for how environmentally unfriendly it was when she messaged she might buy as she had no time to make it…

They dictated how party invites should be sent ie not on class WhatsApp but said separate groups must be set up. They said no presents should be given and suggested everyone should give money instead and circulated bank details for transfers their child’s party.

One mum was criticised for having her child’s party on Mother’s Day.

I could go on…

We always have and have always had invitations to whole class parties. Ds is in reception though. It may thin out as they get older.

Obviously some of that is ridiculous but I do think it is good manners not to discuss a party some are not invited to in front of them.

I just gave out my daughter’s invites for her 6th birthday and she has invited half her class. I felt guilty not doing the whole class invite thing but she said she didn’t want to invite certain kids as she don’t talk to them. There’s been about 2 class parties so far and she has went to other parties with 8-15 kids in the class.

I did feel bad but I have respected her wishes as I wouldn’t be happy having people at my party I didn’t speak too

Oh yes completely agree with the WhatsApp thing when it’s not an all class party, but they meant for the all class parties

Fair enough; apologies. (Where do they want the invites to go!?)

they want you to start a new WhatsApp group and manually add everyone, they say to create less WhatsApp traffic 🤷🏻‍♀️

I hate WhatsApp police and kill joys. One of the reasons I think we still, years and years later have such a connection from DC1s class is because the chat was full of all sorts, not random shite, but people helping each other out and realising they weren’t alone - from babysitters, to plumbers, to parties and yes, everything school. The kids‘ friendships have long since evolved, and most are acquaintances rather than friends, but I wouldn’t hesitate to ask anything on there.
By contrast DC2’s was heavily policed in reception, and it’s such a shame because we just don’t really know anyone.

So 30 kids plus their own cousins or friends of family etc? What nonsense.

It depends on the party. I’ve never felt comfortable with leaving some out. It’s one thing if you’re only inviting three or four from your class but if it’s around fifteen then that does leave out a big chunk.

There's a real lack of resilience about this imo. When we were younger nonway were we having whole class oarties and expecting to be invited to everything. We understood not everyone can have everyone. Your party sounds fab OP and as others have said, unless deliberately leaving out our or two, most combinations work fine. We invited one child for 8 years and he never once returned the invite as he had small parties for 7 or 8. It wasn't ever a problem.

Maybe but I think even adults find it hard to be excluded from group activities.

There are twelve in our department. If eight were invited to a night out or party I would be a tiny bit hurt.

R&1 seem to be class parties

then 2 on wards mainly either half the class or less depending on activity

there is no way I would allow a school to dictate to me what I do for my child at the weekend

I did a massive R age 5 party as mini blondes is at end of the month so she had her 3&4 th birthday party cancelled /in lockdown due to covid

yr 1 (6) was soft play and most of class and relatives

2 (7) gymnastics party and limit was 15 so did girls only

3 (8) pamper party at home for 6 as that’s the amount lady had stuff for

4 (9) in a few weeks and tag ninja and 6 girls as a nice number and the ones she plays with

in just over a year I will have a daughter in Double digits 🙀🙀🙀

sorry that was a woffle. Fine to invite half the class and leave 5 boys out

You mean the school tries to set rules on what people do in their own time and on their own property? And the parents just...obey?

This is what I couldn't grasp... is the school trying to impose a party rule? That's insane.

I would say up to half is fine. Whole class parties are a pain (we did it the first year but not after) you’re paying a ton of money for a load of kids that your child doesn’t even really know 🤣 my son just turned 6 and his party we invited 7 from his class because that’s all he wanted and we made up the numbers with the siblings he knows and his sister and a friend.