AIBU to invite only half my son’s class to his party?

[MizzyDazzy]

To invite half my son’s class to a party?

My son is turning 6, I asked him if he wanted an all class party, he said no. He wants a treasure hunt in my parents’ back garden (which is what his sister did at that age).

I didn’t limit the number she could invite, but she ended up picking 10.

I asked my son and he has named 15 children (or half the class) and I’m not sure if that’s going to go down badly…

My daughter has had a very specific friendship group from reception whereas my son doesn’t seem to have found his gang yet (bit worried about that but I guess that’s for another day 😆).

I also don’t feel I know the parents in the class very well as we’ve missed some parties (and my son has only been invited to all class parties so far) and I only do one drop per week and no pick ups as I work FT.

A lot of the parents seem very good friends and everyone seems to know everything about each other so I feel whatever I decide to do will end up being known.

So should I silently pick a few of the children my son named and not invite them or do I go ahead with his wishes and invite just half the class?

A whole class party isn’t now really an option as I’ve booked the entertainer and hosting at my parent’s house.

Even with 20 in a class surely children have friends outside of school, cousins, neighbours they would also often want to invite.

It's unrealistic to think everyone in the class should be invited to every party.

We have parties that are usually about 20 out of 50 across the year. No one really has class parties because that would be 25 plus kids they know in the other class.

It’s fine!

As they get old it tends to go down to about 6-10.

We still have a lot of parties. I think we went to 5 just at the end of Jan and Feb. Some weekends we’ve had 2 or 3 invites.
I spend a lot of time at parties 🤣 but made great friends with my child’s friends parents

We never did whole class parties, except once when I'd hired a hall and an entertainer that my son had asked for. All other parties, I just asked who my kids wanted, usually 10-15 kids. I have 5 kids so we had a lot of parties and it was always fine. My kids got invited to a lot of parties and the odd one they were left out of never bothered them. I see so many posts about parties on here and I don't really understand all the drama!

But if my child is not invited they are not invited there doesnt have to be any more thoguht to it than that

Parents have worse issues around parties than kids do

It sounds fine to me. Except for the party idea. There’s no way I would want to go to the house of the parents of a school mum I hardly know because she doesn’t regularly do drop off/ pick up.
I think at home parties are fabulous, but for small groups (under 10) at the home of someone you know at least as an acquaintance. I’d decline if I only saw you at the school now and again and hadn’t really spoken to you.
Also if you’ve got to be careful of numbers, at this age (6) parents have toddlers in tow or other siblings they need to bring with, so I’d allow for that in the house. You don’t have to cater for siblings but it’s pretty hard to tell a mum not to come in if she turns up with a 3year old and a newborn. If it’s raining will there be space for 15 kids, 15 parents (or more), your family and any surprise siblings inside?

So in this instance, either you invite everyone, then in turn somehow attend about 30 birthday parties per year for the other children in that year, or children celebrate their birthday but with nobody from school attending.

Probably should have explained that my parents have 5 acres with woodland that the treasure hunt will be in and a summer house with toilet for the rest of the time so nobody will go in the house. Was going to offer parents to drop and go or stay if they prefer

I think you’re probably ok with that many!

There is no such thing as surprise siblings just a rude adult with poor communication skills.
You inform the host of any childcare issues/clashes before and then see what they say.

Turn up at my house with uninvited, not known about additional children they get turned away. I give the rude parent the choice drop and collect or dont stay.

Party hardened mum here. 30 + parties over the years.
@MizzyDazzy Just do what ever there will always be someone annoyed if its not up to their standard.

Party sounds amazing, has he got any aunts/uncles or cousins that can dress as pirates ☠️ for the day to defend the treasure?
Maybe with a little water gun for fun.

This sounds sensible

I think leaving five boys out is a bit pointed actually.

Apart from anything else, fifteen children is a lot to have in a house (plus parents.)

Parties are a couple of hours in a day. I absolutely love it when DS gets a party invite; he’s fed and entertained with minimal input from me and for the cost of a gift. I don’t know why MN hate parties.

You’re over thinking it. Treasure hunt for 15 sounds fab

Thank you! Yes I’ve got an entertainer to help me :) I’m planning on hiding a treasure maps with clues - 1 with each child’s name on, they get a eye patch and pirate hat at the same time - and the clues then leads to a treasure chest of prizes in the woods. Water guns sound like a great idea, it will be May so hopefully warm enough 🤞

I did something similar for my daughter this age - but a fairy hunt to find the fairy houses in the woods and they loved it.

I agree with you re parents bringing siblings uninvited. I specifically said no siblings at my son’s last party last year due to limited numbers for the activity and someone still brought them. I had a drop out so I let them come but I felt it wasn’t fair to all the others who had honoured the request!

This year if someone brings siblings I could redirect them to the Costa around the corner I guess! I read with the class, so although I don’t know the parents I know all the children really well so hopefully parents would be happy to drop and go as their child knows me.

This was the general structure of parties for both my dc’s classes. My dd was in a very girl heavy class throughout primary (6 bous out of 30!) so there were many boy or girl parties. We started with full class and moved to girls.

These are the best parties that they remember, my son was 8 when we did a treasure hunt one and his mates still talk about it. DS is 20 this year.
Let the other parents know if you do do water guns so they know why they may be soggy. My sis and her mates had little nurf guns as DS is October.

I hope they have the best time.

Its fine not to invite everyone and your party sounds fab.

It's only on MN that I have ever seen so much debate about parties. Maybe it does depend on area and personal experience (e.g. more affluent families may be more able to do whole class parties, mix with others in similar circumstances).

I don't think there are any 'rules' to parties. As long as you aren't leaving one or two out then to me that's fine. Even if you are inviting 15 kids and 3 boys get left out because of that, then to me that's fine as maybe your child doesn't play with those boys. I don't understand the must invite all children of the same sex.

I wasn’t saying it was reasonable, I was just sharing what is done in my DS’s class! Leads to lots of soft play parties, church halls with an entertainer etc as they’re suited to larger groups without costing a fortune.

It’s fine, leaving out one or two is mean but if it’s half that’s ok. A lot of people do all girls or all boys to keep numbers down

He had 10, 5 girls and 5 boys, so a third of the class, but interestingly he has picked some different children this year. So only about half of that 10 would be invited this year

This question gets asked all the time on Mumsnet and I just don’t get it because in the real world NO-ONE is inviting the entire class to their kids’ birthdays.

Yes, good point about getting soggy! Hopefully they’ll all love it 😊

I guess it must differ everywhere as my son has only been invited to all class parties, whereas my older child has had a mixture of invites - no all class parties past year 2 I don’t think. I’m sure some aren’t doing all class parties in my son’s class, but he hasn’t been invited to any of those so I’m not 100% sure.

Agree it’s metal it’s a topic - I would never have over thought this with my older daughter’s class, but the parents are all really chilled, whereas everything just seems a big deal with the parents in my son’s class. I have silenced the WhatsApp, didn’t look at it for a day and came back to over 100 messages!! Lots of judgement and telling each other what to do. Guess it’s why I’m worrying about getting it wrong. At least the kids are all lovely! Ha ha