Social services or Clare's Law application?

[MyOtherCarIsAPorsche]

or both?

DD has done it again - every 'partner' she has ever had has been abusive.

on Saturday she told H that she's been seeing someone for 6 months and that she's scared to tell me, so can he do it?

H had the impression that the DGC know about him.

this one is infamous locally, he was jailed for assaulting his teenage girlfriend whilst she was 39 weeks pregnant. Also for having sex with 15 year old girl, harassing and controlling behaviour with females.

he's actually worse than the reports - my son was in his form at High School and knew what he got up to - all kinds of illegal stuff. Eventually expelled and also dishonourably discharged from armed forces. His behaviour was horrendous in primary school - I taught him in Y6.

DD has three vulnerable children and she is also vulnerable herself. I have always been heavily involved with helping with the DGC - I take them to school and pick them up 5 days out of 10, have them when she works during the holidays, sleepovers ....

I feel that this relationship is needing to come out in the open as she has been 'persuaded' to allow him to move in.

what do I do?

this person has been described in the press as a monster - he was a monster even in primary school

she will not listen to reason

told H that he has changed

Omg. I'm so sorry. I dont really know what to suggest. I think a claires law disclosure won't help though if she wont listen to reason? She'll just be convinced he's changed.

I'd go straight to the police

child safeguarding referral, prioritise your dgc in this situation they have no agency but your daughter does.

Social services and your daughter.

How old are her children?.
Men who like young girls play a long game. They wait. Believe me I know.
I'd also tell the children's father. Your DD needs a reality check.

Absolutely repoet your dd to social care and the child protection team at the police. She has been brainwashed by him and your dgc need protection.

Ultimately ahe will be told to ditch him or have her kids taken. Is their dad around and stable? If not are you prepared to take you dgc and pbife by SS telling you that dd has to be supervised for visiting or not allowed at all?

My granddaughter is y5 - she's 9. Two grandsons - 5 and 6. Their behaviour can be trying - something an abuser would not tolerate.

DD would know it was me who reports her - she could stop me seeing the DGC altogether. How could I protect them then?

@AfternoonVanessa

Fathers not involved whatsoever - abusive.

Has to be this, you must safeguard the GC.

If the guy is well known where you live maybe have a chat with the kids Headteacher. They can do the safeguarding referrals and you have plausible deniability because anyone could have mentioned it to school.

Both of course! You must try to safeguard the children from this man.

You tell her you're reporting to SS as she cannot keep the children safe.

If I report now - she will know it's me because I have only just found out.

You have to safeguard the children as unfortunately she is not. You can report anonymously. Is he known to probation or on sex offenders register? You could report to probation. If she were to stop you seeing the children that would be a major concern for social services as you will be seen as a protective factor. Potentially you could apply to court if she stops contact. Social services may ask you to take them long-term if she won't protect them.

this will alienate her from us forever if I report her

she will know it's me

and I'm sure that there would be serious repercussions from the psycho

this is a nightmare

You have no choice. You need to protect her kids.

If you don’t report it and something happens how will you feel then?
phone social services and report it and if they choose to remove them you agree to have your grandchildren and keep them safe

you know what you have to do you’ve said you teach so obviously you must have had experience of this? Apply this to the current situation

I’m really sorry OP, it’s awful.

Not sure what Claire’s law can tell you here, when you know he has a record already. Unless DD is in denial and you want to show her?

SS is also only going to impact your DD in the long run. I think this option is only really if you feel like you’ve tried absolutely everything you can to get her to see the light. SS involvement will mean the DGCs will be at risk of being taken if she doesn’t end the relationship. Do you want to risk that?

Have you had a very honest conversation with her? Maybe a few threats where you can’t help her with kids if she doesn’t ditch him? I know you say DD is vulnerable but to know someone has a record for child abuse and then introduce them to that person is very worrying indeed.

You need to talk to social care. I know you're scared of the various possible repercussions, but for the sake and safety of your grandchildren, I don't think you can afford to delay. The alternative (although I would do both things) would be to make the children's school aware of the increased risk at home. They may already have concerns and be in touch with social care.

Whether she likes it or not, she is putting her children at risk and it's your responsibility as their grandparents to safeguard them if she won't. Please do report to social services. How would you feel if something were to happen to your grandchild and you had done nothing?

She needs to have these children removed from her care immediately, its your duty as their 👵 to ensure they are safe and cared for , unfortunately your daughter is a lost cause at this point

How about talking to safe guarding at the school? Im guessing they would know the history been to social services meetings etc? Could you tell them what you said here? Or maybe get some advice from NSPCC?

I completely understand the fear of her stopping you seeing the children. Social services are quite hot on support systems and it sounds like you are a massive support.

I agree as grandparents you need to speak up for the kids. Can you suggest they live with you?

OP, I would honestly wait until you next have your GC if it will be soon, then tell your daughter you are reporting her relationship and say you will support her completely if she leaves the relationship but will focus on DGC if she stays. It gives her the chance to choose her own kids over this awful man.

There are serious risks for a woman to leave an abusive man so she needs to know she will have your support if she does and you don’t want DGC there when she finds out just in case she tells the partner and he does something

When you next have the kids, tell her they’re staying with you that she leaves him or leaves the kids with you.

your GC are not going to be a tragic newspaper report

social services and police and whatever it takes to keep them safe

I second the advice about notifying the kids' school. They can frame it in a way that they have their own concerns about the children and not that they've been tipped off. While this happens, be "normal" with your daughter. You need to maintain friendly relations as much as possible so that you can continue to get access to your grandchildren