Social services or Clare's Law application?

[MyOtherCarIsAPorsche]

or both?

DD has done it again - every 'partner' she has ever had has been abusive.

on Saturday she told H that she's been seeing someone for 6 months and that she's scared to tell me, so can he do it?

H had the impression that the DGC know about him.

this one is infamous locally, he was jailed for assaulting his teenage girlfriend whilst she was 39 weeks pregnant. Also for having sex with 15 year old girl, harassing and controlling behaviour with females.

he's actually worse than the reports - my son was in his form at High School and knew what he got up to - all kinds of illegal stuff. Eventually expelled and also dishonourably discharged from armed forces. His behaviour was horrendous in primary school - I taught him in Y6.

DD has three vulnerable children and she is also vulnerable herself. I have always been heavily involved with helping with the DGC - I take them to school and pick them up 5 days out of 10, have them when she works during the holidays, sleepovers ....

I feel that this relationship is needing to come out in the open as she has been 'persuaded' to allow him to move in.

what do I do?

this person has been described in the press as a monster - he was a monster even in primary school

she will not listen to reason

told H that he has changed

And say what? The police deal with people who have broken the law, not those who will break it next month. If the OP or her dd make a Clare's Law request they will share their info with them but they cant do anything -yet.

Are you still a teacher? If so, you are duty bound to refer any safeguarding concerns, in or out of work. Difficult situation but the kids must come first. And if he is as bad as you believe, then your daughter will need to make the decision whether she puts him or her kids first

If he has convictions for child sex offences he may be a registered sex offender and have an order preventing him from being around young children. Ring 101 and ask/ report to police.

Call 101 and ask for a Clare's Law. They will then contact your DD and ask if she would like one.

He sounds like a wrong un so the police will also share the knowledge of this relationship with SS.

Report it to social services asap. And tell her yourself that's what you've done. Own it, rather than letting her find out indirectly and then her take it out on you. You may need to be prepared to take on the dgc yourself, hopefully ss make that offer before taking the kids into care.

Sounds like dd needs some sort of therapy or counselling - there must be an underlying reason why she's attracted to complete wronguns.

Claire, s law can only tell you if she's at risk you already know that
So i think social services is the next step the children need safe guarding.

I wouldn’t follow the advice of kidnapping your grandchildren.

@x2boysThats incorrect. The OP wouldn't be told anything. Its her DD that would be told what happened and outcomes at court.

Yes SS can if they feel the children are at risk of harm , they can remove them ,, OP would probably be approached to for kinship care

When you say an abuser will not tolerate their behaviour, do you mean you think he would be violent with them because of their behaviour? I mean, you have to take action either way, but if he's that volatile then it needs to be soon.

Did your husband find out if anyone else knows about their relationship?

Oh yes. Much better to leave the vulnerable children with the paedophile rapist and the mother who is incapable of recognising danger to her children and herself rather than getting external support and supervision

That always ends well

He's an abuser OP. I doubt kids being a bit difficult will stop him. He's picked your daughter for a reason. He's seen what's going on in her life and moved himself in.

Get Clare's law done and report to social services. Because of how abusers operate it won't be long before she cuts you off anyway, even if you don't report.

'DD would know it was me who reports her - she could stop me seeing the DGC altogether. How could I protect them then?'

You need to make an urgent safeguarding referral to social work under child protection for all three kids. She's not able to keep them safe, and neither are you. I would also suggest speaking with school, possibly safeguarding lead.

Police and social services involvement today.

put your grandchildren first and worry about what your daughter will say second.

Come on op. You know full well that you need to report this to police AND ss. He’s a child sex offender, he’s abusive, violent and he’s around your grandchildren. I wouldn’t care if my dd never spoke to me again as long as my gc were safe. If he’s been convicted of raping a child (if she was 15 this is what it was) then he’s probably on a register and not to be around children anyway so police first and that should trigger a social services visit too.

Clare's law disclosure is only given to the partner or recent ex partner of the perpetrator but anyone can make a Clare's law request so OP would make the request and they would contact her daughter to make the disclosure if she agreed. Some women decline the disclosure when this happens 🤷🏼‍♀️

The Clare’s Law doesn’t stop if the partner refuses the disclosure if it is putting children at risk.
if he is an RSO or risk to the children police will notify CSC and action must be taken.
She will know it is you whatever way you try and disguise it so perhaps have the conversation with her first and then report but it needs doing today.

I would frame it around the children and risk of sexual assault on them particularly if he has been convicted. Most SA is in the home and stats show stepfathers/boyfriends are a significant proportion.
She needs to protect DGD now.

OMG. Please pick up the phone right NOW.
You owe your DGC your protection. They are in danger and you know it. You need to report this immediately.

it is sad that she keeps repeating this awful behaviour. I know Women's Aid do a good course to help people see their mistakes and change their choice of partners. However, I very much doubt you could get her to participate in anything like that.
I do feel sorry for the children if they have a constant stream of new men in their lives, and by the sound of it, the boys are picking up on their behaviour towards their mother. It is learned behaviour that, if not stopped, they will repeat to their partners.
I know why you do not want to repeat it I am suprised that social are not involved anyway. it will only be a matter of time before they get involved via the school or similar. personally sod what she thinks or him I would be straight onto the social myself
BTW if he has form for underage children even though she was 15 is he on the sex offenders register? there might be a condition he cannot live with young children