I don’t want to be thought about on Mother’s Day

[switchedoff14]

I lost my mother a couple of years ago. It is hard but life goes on. I know Mother’s Day is coming, know I’ll see my friends celebrating. That’s natural. But I really hate the multiple posts thinking of those of us who’ve lost our mothers. I know people’s hearts are in the right place, I know I’m being unreasonable, but I know I’ve lost my mother. I don’t need people or want people’s sympathy today repeatedly reminding me and feeling sorry for me. I hate those stupid memes. Does it bring comfort to anyone at all?

Yes it does. It's a day of mixed emotions for me. Im a Mum of 2 & have also lost my Mum. It's still raw but it brings me comfort to know this is acknowledged. If you don't like it just scroll on by...

No it’s kind and thoughtful.

Yes, the basic kindness behind it does bring me a bit of comfort.

Then ignore it then. For some people, it brings comfort.

K.
I lost mine last year and a few friends reaching out to me has really helped on my first mother's day without my mum.

It might be best to avoid social media for the day? Distract yourself with something. People mean well but if it’s not for you then find ways to avoid it.

No it doesn’t bring comfort personally but it’s done from a thoughtful place.

Grief is such a personal thing. It’s ok not to feel comfort from other people’s words, however kindly meant, however thoughtful.

This. My mother died last year and I'd prefer not to think about it as it was awful and I'd definitely prefer no messages from friends. I have tried to tell them this but I think they are genuinely trying to be kind and haven't quite realised it can have the opposite effect

Yes, I’m exactly the same. It makes it worse when I get a message from them saying they’re thinking of me. I absolutely hate it.

Difficult when you’re being tagged in them and sent them.

I remember those posts on Father’s Day last year, not long after I’d lost my dad.

They brought me no comfort personally but if they bring someone, somewhere some comfort then surely it’s a good thing? I was comforted and looked after by my DH and DC…not everyone has people to comfort them.

I don’t need people or want people’s sympathy today repeatedly reminding me and feeling sorry for me.

Everyone is different, someone close to my DH sent him a message that they were thinking of him today and he was very touched and appreciative.
I don’t think anyone should be worried about offending someone over a well intentioned pleasantry.

I’ve just got back from holiday this afternoon so distracting myself does not work. I still get notifications and messages.

No one has suggested that anyone’s offended.

I hated the sympathy when she died and I hate it now. I thank everyone if they personally message, but it brings annoyance, not comfort. But the shared memes are, in my opinion, completely pointless. Just another way of reminding people who’ve had losses that they aren’t celebrating today.

I’m sorry for your loss.

The problem with the internet is we continually take ourselves to it and expose ourselves to things that make us think a certain way, good and bad.

It may be best if you avoid social media on Mother’s Day. If your friends and family are sending you messages directly then tell them you’d prefer they didn’t.

I said to my adult child when they brought me breakfast( smoked salmon and freshly laid scrambled eggs, if you're at all interested) that I always felt like a fraud on Mothers day, because it felt like it was, and should always be, a celebration of my mother not me.

Mums been dead 15 years now, but this feeling lingers on.

Anger is a stage of grief. It's perfectly ok to react like that because at that stage of grief nothing helps and effort to help is annoying.

I lost my mum at 30 Nd am now 43 and I miss her every day. Worse though was the intervening 5/6 URS where we were also suffering regular miscarriages we have kids now. Mother's day was joyful today.

I'm sorry you're suffering, it's so hard.

OP I think you need to say something. Presumably the people messaging you are close friends or relatives I’m sure they’d understand. Just send a message to them all and thank them for taking the time to think of you but at the moment you’re finding it difficult. Whilst you understand the messages are well meant it would be less painful for you not to have such frequent reminders of the loss.

I did the same when I lost one of my DC, the only difference being it helped me to speak about him. Friends and colleagues kept their pregnancies or birth of grandchildren a secret etc. In the end I just had a very frank conversation with everyone and life was much easier afterwards. Once everyone knew where we stood.

You seem angry OP. People mean well. If they're your friends why don't you tell them how it makes you feel instead of posting on here?

I don’t want to discuss my emotions and how I feel with them.

Sorry for your loss.

I won’t discuss it with them. It’s once a year and they do mean well. But I just can’t see how posting memes is helpful at all.

Well how are they supposed to know how much it annoys you then? Genuinely, it is not healthy to get so worked up about this. Some of us find comfort that both our Mums & us are thought of on this difficult day. You don't, which is fine, but nobody will know this unless you tell them. Posting on here when you're not willing to take on board anyone else's opinion is just pointless.

OP I think the people that post these things are just recognising that whilst they are having a good day others may be finding it hard for various reasons. It obviously doesn’t bring you any comfort at all so I don’t really know what you can do to avoid that. I hate those emails from companies that say you can opt out of mothers/Father’s Day emails. I just look at the subject line and delete rather than thinking about how rubbish they are.

It’s not healthy to get upset by posts about having lost a mother on Mother’s Day soon after having lost my mother?

If it gives you comfort that’s great. I’m not sure why you are so worked up about my post. I want to discuss it on here, and I will.