AIBU to want to stay in our home temporarily?

[Annon2026]

Looking for some non bias opinions please. Me and my ex (not married) own a house together and have 2 small infant primary aged children. We have split and are currently sorting how we move forward. Everything has gone fine apart from the living arrangements. I have asked to stay in the family home for the next 2 years to make sure the kids have the stability of there home while they get used to the split. I am able to afford the mortgage and bills on my own so won’t require him to pay anything other than child maintenance. (My salary does not allow me to buy him out as I can’t get the mortgage on my own) He has refused and said the house will need to be sold or he will stay living here until I am ready to sell. He earns more than be by approx 20k so can afford to rent somewhere temporarily. I think what I am asking is reasonable but I just want opinions please, because it’s hard to know for sure. just to add, we don’t have a spare bedroom so there is nowhere to sleep separately.

also any advice anyone can give on where i stand legally would be great.

thank you!

Ultimately, as you aren’t married you aren’t in position to force this.

@Annon2026 unfortunately you are going to be dealing with a stubborn ex by the sounds of it. Would it be easier to sell up and make a fresh start? Sending hugs x

Legally, you need to sell, take your share of the proceeds, and move on. Having two parents battling over real estate will be more traumatic than moving house.

You can ask the question, but he’s within his rights to want to sell and move on.

I don't personally think it's fair to expect him to pay rent for two years because you'd prefer that.

You've split up and need to divide up the family home. If it was the other way around you would want your share.

Just sell up and move on

I don't think what you're proposing is fair really OP.

Plus if you can prove you paid the mortgage alone for 2 years, doesn't that mean you can claim more of the equity?

Also, what's really going to change in 2 years?

Divorce is hard on kids so you might has well rip the plaster off now, rather than have them spend another 2 years in the house, making the move even harder.

This, you don’t think he should get access to his equity for 2 years and waste money on renting?

Time to sell up and move on.

Yabu unfortunately he needs to access the equity to buy another house too- why waste money on rent when he can continue paying off a mortgage? 2 years is a long time in a mortgage.

tbf, what will change in 2 years that means you’ll be able who raise a mortgage to buy him out?

Well you woukd think its fair ias it mainly benefits you
Just sell up and split the assets.

I don’t think expecting him to rent for two years is fair. Sell up and move on.

Wouldn’t make any difference if she was tbh. Courts push for a clean break now on divorce

He thinks it’s unreasonable so that’s that.

It's unreasonable to expect him to rent for 2 years when he also owns the home just because he earns more. He has the same rights to the home as you do.

Get it sold.

I can understand your reasoning.

But temporarily isn't two years. And nice rental property isn't sitting around empty. I can see why he isn't keen on this arrangement.

I do think you probably need to get on with the sale and get your children settled into their new surroundings sooner rather than later. There will never be a good time.

His response is fair. If he continues to own a house then he gets to live in the house.if you want to live separately, sell.

The joint house was part of the partnership deal - the partnership is gone so you take your share of the equity, he takes his and you both move on.

I don't really see what changes in 2 years either, it's an upheaval whenever it happens.

Why don’t you consider ‘nesting’ where you both contribute the house and live 50/50 with the children so they’re not disrupted?
Or could your ex afford to buy you out and keep the house with the children and you buy somewhere else, so that they’re not disrupted?

The children don’t need the extended drama.
Maybe work with him on some part of the house sale so that the children can grow up in a nice neighborhood (help with a deposit)

I’d ask him if he’s happy to share the bed when your new boyfriend comes over 😂

In all seriousness, I get your point re: the kids, but I also understand that he won’t want to just rent for at least two years when he has money tied up. If you can’t buy him out, best to sell up and find somewhere else.

Yes you’re being unreasonable. Your life doesn’t change but he has to move out and pay for a rental somewhere until you decide you want to sell? Only then, on your terms and your timescales can he buy and move on. If it were the other way round you wouldn’t do that. Clean break needed whilst the kids are young. They’ll adjust far more quickly than you think. As long as you’re both decent to each other and them and don’t turn a split into a war.

Your wishes aren’t realistic, he doesn’t agree (most wouldn’t) and you wouldn’t win in a legal dispute, so best to accept it and proceed with selling and dividing equity.

I think you're being unreasonable, you need to sell up and move on. Two years rent for him is a lot of money and a waste of time. You can both buy something else.

Legally he can force you to sell. Sorry.