AIBU to send Mother’s Day gift to son’s ex, not partner?

[Arcaday]

My only DS is 28, he has 5 children. 4 daughters with his girlfriend from when he was at uni, she’s only 25, the children are 5, 4, 3 and 2. They broke up while she was pregnant with the youngest, he has never met the youngest by his own choice, he hasn’t seen any of them in about 3 years. To me their mother is a miracle worker, she works 20 hours a week, has no family, and I still see my granddaughters, they are polite, well behaved, clearly very loved.
My son also has a 5 month old son with his new girlfriend.

As I knew my son wouldn’t bother I sent his ex a Mother’s Day gift, just some nice flowers, wine, chocolate and a gift card for a restaurant near her I know she likes to take the children too, and a card signed with my granddaughters names. I didn’t get anything for his current girlfriend as I felt he should be able to get her something himself, they live together after all.

Today my son visited with my grandson and while he was here his ex tried to call. I let it ring out but he noticed her name and got very angry asking why is she calling, he doesn’t want anything to do with her, she is already robbing him (maintenance!). I explained I sent her a Mother’s Day gift as she is raising my grandchildren. He got very angry and told me if he finds out I’m still seeing her, and his daughters (not that he called them his daughters, he said “her daughters”) I will never see him or my grandson again. He also said it was mean for me to not get his current girlfriend anything.

He is generally a bit awful these days, not very nice and has an awful attitude but never before have I seen him so angry.

Was I unreasonable to get his ex something and not his current girlfriend? How do I move forward from here?

In my opinion you did a kind and thoughtful thing. Your son sounds horrendous I'm sorry to say!

What a dreadful man.

No. You sound lovely. I am sure you are much appreciated. Unfortunately men of this ilk do seem to demand unconditional loyalty. You might have some difficult choices to make - personally I would pick the ex and grand daughters but appreciate you are being put in an impossible situation.

Your son is a piece of shit for abandoning his children. Don't let him bully you into doing the same.

He is generally a bit awful these days

Fuck me, ya think???

He sounds horrendous. Any person who can walk away from their children has no respect from me. You did the right thing. She sounds like a great mum, and what a shame she’s been left to carry the load alone.

Sorry that your son’s a arsehole.

You did a lovely thing and should continue to be there for the children he has abandoned.

What’s his dad like?

You did a kind and thoughtful thing for a young women who had a huge amount on her plate.

Im sorry your son is such a pathetic piss poor father- those girls are lucky to have such a caring grandmother

I would pick the ex and 4 daughters in a heartbeat over that scumbag who has not seen his children in years OP.

He's never met his own 2 year old and yet he's only generally a bit awful these days???

You did a lovely, kind, thoughtful thing.
I bet she really appreciated the thought and the gift.

You did the right thing. Carry on as you are, doing whatever you can to support the mother of your grandchildren and to maintain your relationship with them.

Your son is not a very nice person is he.

I think you did a really nice thing and I'm sure it was appreciated. Keep being a good grandma and supporting their mum.

Your son is awful. I would keep seeing your grandchildren.

I think I would keep my distance from him tbh. And tell him what I thought of him

Your grandaughters need you more than your "son".
Leave ds to himself
Sad he is this way but there you go

I would continue to see all the grandchild I was allowed to. If he stops you seeing for grandson that is on him

You did a nice thing, he is horrific and needs a vasectomy pronto.

It's a good job you aren't morally bankrupt like he is.

I think it lovely that you keep on touch with her and your grandchildren.

As an aside, has he considered having the snip?

I think what you did was lovely, keep supporting her regardless of your son’s views

Your morals about 100 times better than his. Yanbu, ignore his nonsense.

Your son sounds awful. I would tell him he has 5 kids and they all need looking after. It’s his choice not to see his own children, how would he feel if that happened to him and he didn’t see a parent

I would also tell him he doesn’t get to tell you who you can and can’t see, you will be having a relationship with all your grandchildren

if That then means you don’t see him or your youngest grandchild that’s on him

he sounds awful, sorry and must be a big disappointment to you , you sound a lovely grandma

Hopefully your son was ashamed hence his response. It sounds like a nice thing you did & im sure she appreciated it.

I don't think I would have been able to resist saying "don't let door hit you on the arse on the way out". What a sack of shit he is. Feel sorry for the new girlfriend he has suckered.

So not only have 4 kids lost their dad through his choice, he wants them to lose their gran too? Keep being the family she doesn't have. You are not unreasonable and at least someone appreciates the load she's taking on alone. If he cuts you off for it, it's his choice, and his to live with. What a horrible position to be in feeling like you have to choose between grandchildren because he's an idiot.