to feel so embarrassed I cried in front of my manager

[user098098]

someone please tell me its happened to them too to make me feel better 😂

Yesterday in work I cried during my return to work meeting. I have been off sick for 4 weeks. I'm still not feeling great and my last long term illness was when I had cancer 5 years ago (not too serious thankfully). My return last time was hard and some of my colleagues were not very nice when I returned and it's really affecting my return this time because I keep worrying that the same will happen again.
I ended up getting upset thinking about the past, I feel so useless at the moment

A decent manager should pass the tissue box, maybe ask if you wanted to take a minute, possible offer a hug- depending on you and your manager’s relationship, and shouldn’t make you feel in anyway embarrassed about your tears.
I have had several people crying in my office over the years and my youngest daughter has cried in her boss’s office. I have never thought less of anyone who shows they are human.

My manager used to reach for the tissue box as I walked into the room... I went through some rough times and she was always there to listen.

I've cried in front of my manager. Its not a moral failing! Your colleagues sound like arseholes though - you were being treated for cancer and they were unkind when you came back? Bunch of fuckfaces.

I’m a manager and always have a box of tissues to hand to hand over at appropriate moments. Make sure you get support.

I'm a manager and honestly loads of people cry in 1 on 1 meetings. It's not a weakness - it shows the seriousness of the thing you're talking about.

You are definitely not being unreasonable, you’re only human and dealing with an upsetting situation. If it helps, my boss cried the other day in a meeting. He had just been talking to a couple of employees who were going to have to take time off due to very serious illness in their families and he was so sad for them. I certainly didn’t think any less of him for it.

I said YABU because you are being unreasonable for being embarrassed for crying . You have nothing to be embarrassed about you are a human being not a robot . I’ve cried to managers at least once in every job I’ve had .

I wouldn’t give it a second thought!

I've done it on a teams call to a manger, think blotchy, snotty face, magnified for him to see. Why I didn't turn my camera off I don't know

I manage a large team including other managers. Crying is an expression of emotion - can be sadness, anger, happiness or a whole host of other things.

showing emotion is not a sign of weakness - it’s just honest and authentic communication. I would reframe it as doing your bit to further equality in the workplace because the sooner it is normalised as just another expression of emotion , the sooner the shame disappears for everyone else.

how did your manager react?

You’re not a robot and have been through a hell of a lot. Everyone cries at work at some point! I remember absolutely sobbing at my manager. You’re human, it’s totally ok 🩷 Hope you feel better soon.

More of my team have cried on me than haven't. And I have cried on them. We are all human.

Thank you all for your replies 🙂

@Iwilladmit My manager reacted ok I think she was a bit shocked. I didn't go into details about why I was upset I just said I was struggling and that i have had a bad previous experience. I know I should probably be more open but I was too upset.

I've been on the other side as a manager, and if your manager is halfway human then don't worry about it. I would hope your manager is checking in and seeing if there is any additional support that can be offered.

I hope your manager discussed your previous bad experience and will be taking steps to ensure it does happen again. You are allowed to cry.

Oh OP. I am so sorry your previous experience was so bad. Honestly for colleagues to be unkind to someone returning from cancer treatment, is beyond the pale. Horrendous.

As a manager it wouldn’t bother me at all and when it’s happened my team members have known that I genuinely care about them, don’t judge and have probably been there myself. We’re all human. I imagine your boss feels the same.

Please try not to worry about that on top of everything else. I’ve had people who reported to me crying multiple times! Never once bothered me - in fact I was relieved they felt they could. People are human and it sounds like you’ve had a bad time

I work mainly with women and we’ve all had a cry in front of each other including the boss and she’s had a cry in front of us. We just man the door (for privacy) let the person crying get it all out, have a pep talk, all agree that crying is good for you, then get on with our day!

Don't worry about it. I managed a team, have had all sorts of people crying and done my fair share of crying too. It's just part of being human and I've never thought worse of anyone for it.

Have been on both sides of this (both as a manager, and with male/female bosses). I wouldn't sweat it too much.

In my early 20s, I always cried in performance reviews to the extent it became a bit of a joke that we would never complete one without tears (usually because they were full of lovely things that I didn't realised he had noticed). He was a great boss and dealt with it like a real pro- listened without judgement.

My current boss wasn't overly sure how to deal with it- she is very logical and somewhat inscruitiable. It took her a while (and a lot of questioning), but she finally realised that it wasn't anything to worry about, and that people sometimes cry for reasons that you can't fix/don't need a stress risk assessment and sometimes listening is all that is needed.

When people have cried to me as a manager, I always make it clear that I am happy to be sympathetic ear. Then it really depends what they are crying about - I have had everything from workplace issues to illness, family death to homelessness and beyond. Mostly, though, it's just overwhelm so we work out a plan. I try to be like that first boss.

As a manager I wouldn't be bothered at all about you crying however I would be concerned about the bad previous experience that is causing the upset and wanting you to share that with me so i could support you.

I'm such a tiny tears, very emotional person. I've never had a negative reaction from any manager I've had if I got emotional. Most take it as a sign I'm taking things seriously and passionate 💐

I'm sorry this has happened to you OP.

A similar thing happened to me the other week.

I felt so overwhelmed at work (an awful lot going on at home and recent bereavements, moving house, having to deal with probate and then another life changing event, and then reduced hours & pay at work from 5 day to 3 day week as not enough work for me so financial worries) and I broke down in tears on a teams meeting as I felt so overwhelmed by it all. I'm on antidepressants anyway but struggling at times, not sleeping, freezing in meetings and extremely overwhelmed when under any pressure. I stupidly handed in my notice and left work for the day.

Had a phone conversation with my boss on the way home from work, he seemed keen for me to have a rethink over the weekend and to return the following week. I also had a convo with another member of the team on the phone who'd also been in the meeting who was also keen for me to go back. I even sent a text message apologising to my line manager and explaining that I'd been overwhelmed, sorry it had spilled into my work and I was unprofessional and it wouldn't happen again, that it would be a fresh start when i went back to work. I went back to work on the Wednesday (Monday & Tues were my agreed days off) and they laid me off. Said it was because I'd handed in my notice and I was struggling with my job because I was overwhelmed. I think it was more because of the fact there wasn't enough work for me, not that I had been overwhelmed with everything going on outside work. Maybe it was a combination of two. But no acknowledgement of my struggles with my MH, no offer of help. No second chance. No discussion with a MH first aider. I gave them an excuse to let me go. And they did. They also let go of two others who were freelance too, one the week before. Heartbroken as I really loved my job and was competent and worked very hard.

I think you need to speak with your boss. He needs to support you. If your perm you will have rights. Never be embarrassed about showing your emotion. Sometimes it's impossible to keep a lid on it. Thinking of you x

This has reminded me of a friend who attended a meeting with a new manager after the team we were all in had had a turbulent few years. The first two to meet, including me, both cried and we were offered tissues. When my friend went in she felt obliged to cry as she was immediately offered the tissues!

I've cried loads of times in front of at least 3+ different managers. Don't worry about it.