Not sure if this is AIBU or just a grumble.....meal out.

[Bikergran]

First up, I do not WANT to be a picky eater. I have medically diagnosed gluten intolerance and currently am losing weight on my doctor's advice due to elevated BP and arthritis. I don't usually have problems finding a meal I can eat on any standard restaurant menu.

Soon it is my grandson's 18th, and they have chosen to go to a Japanese buffet restaurant, which is £44 a head. I have looked at their menu, there are no allergens or calorie counts shown (it is part of a chain, so it comes under the regulations that require these to be shown). So I guess I'll be picking and choosing very carefully, and as I actually don't want to eat lots, will end up spending £44 on a few tiny plates. As I am a pensioner, and on top of this will be shelling out for a substantial birthday present, card, etc. I am feeling a bit disgruntled.

However, as it's his birthday celebration, I do want to be there. I know from previous experience at this place, (planned to eat there but didn't) they won't let me order just one dish off the a la carte, if anyone wants the buffet, you all have to have it, they obviously assume you will steal other people's buffet food!!! What would you do?

They should have an allergens menu on the website and if not just request one (either by emailing them through the website or calling in advance).

Give them a call and ask how they can accommodate your needs, for that price they should be helpful. I don’t think you can ask him to switch venues.

I think you’re BU regarding the calorie count, it would be impossible for any restaurant to provide calorie counts for buffet dishes, how on earth would they calculate that when there’s no set portion size? You can use your common sense on this, smaller portions prioritising veg and avoiding fried or fatty foods. You won’t know the calories exactly but one meal won’t harm your weight loss journey. As for allergens, these should definitely be listed. If not in the menu the dishes should be labelled at the buffet. Why not call the restaurant to explain your intolerance and clarify this?

I think it’s fine they don’t give cal count, but you should be able to ask about allergens,

i feel you’re hugely unreasonable making his birthday about you and being resentful, it’s quite unpleasant, it’s his 18th, he should go where he wishes, not make it about you and if you resent buyin him a substantial gift then don’t.

Agree how on earth do you give cal count for a buffet.

Calories … you don’t get to Grand Parent age without being able to work out a ballpark Calorie figure in your head. I’m in my 50s, and can look at a menu a figure out what’s high/lower in Calories.

Allergens.. they are obliged to have a list somewhere, just message them, it will exist.

Surely you can work out by now what the rough calorie count is and what are the healthier options? Japanese should include lots of lighter options.

YABU its your grandsons 18th get your money out.

I think you have to forget about the cost for attending this special occasion, and to some extent the calorie content - you can probably make a reasonable guess at that. But you definitely need to find out about the allergens/gluten. You might be able to present it to them that it would be easier for them if you could just agree on something à la carte instead of them having to give details on everything on the buffet.

You might be able to present it to them that it would be easier for them if you could just agree on something à la carte

Indeed - especially from the cross contamination aspect. And also they can be pretty confident you won't be abusing the buffet for exactly that reason!

For a Grandsons 18th birthday I would suck up £44 so I can be there to celebrate at his choice of restaurant. You’re being weird about the calories because obviously you can’t do an exact calorie count for a buffet as it depends on how much people take but surely you have a rough idea of healthy choices/portion size to keep in mind when you choose your dishes. If it’s not the best value for money meal then so be it; it’s GS’s 18th. If you’re short on money dial back the substantial present.

However, I do think your concerns about allergies are fair enough and the restaurant really should be able to cater to this- why not give them a call to confirm and then hopefully you’ll be reassured? If they can’t guarantee the safety of buffet dishes then I’d ask if an exemption can be made to their usual policy so you can eat a la carte. Gluten is a v common allergy, I’d be shocked if they couldn’t cater for you.

Start by phoning the restaurant and asking them what they can do.

See what they say and go from there.

ETA there are 2 Indian restaurants near me who have no allergen info on their websites. Both are entirely gluten free as long as you skip the naan, poppadoms and bhajis. I have tested this, I know if I have been glutened. Speak to them.

Who are you feeling resentful towards, I wonder? Your grandson or his parents? I'm assuming from your post that you'll genuinely struggle to pay for both the meal and a present. At £44 a pop I think many of us would find it beyond our means. If your grandson chose the venue then it's perfectly reasonable to tell him you'll give him a smaller present. But if his parents chose the venue knowing that you're on a tight budget - we'll, I'd be pretty pissed off tbh. They should at least offer to pay for you.

I understand the anxiety/stress. I have two children who carry epi pens and eating out is a logistical nightmare beyond a few huge chain restaurants.

But celebration with food is a part of life and your relative’s special birthday is about them not your specific needs. So phone ahead and ask for the info you need.

Oh god, don't go if you are going to be a miserable sod and nibble on seaweed

By the way nobody “wants to be a picky eater”.

Many people have medical conditions leading to food restrictions - including ARFID or neurodivergence. Picky eating is just cruel word that people sling around.

Can you afford the £44. Value or not?
PIL constantly moaned about paying for meals out. Would only eat where there was a voucher and took their own cake as dessert. GC got £30 for their 21st birthdays. When they died they had over £1m in assets.

Forget about the calories for one meal, it won’t affect your weight loss much in the grand scheme of things. That said you can still easily know what’s going to be a healthy choice (veg, lean meat) vs a higher calorie choice (fried, creamy sauce etc).

They should definitely be able to help with the gf issue though, just contact them.

And gluten free should be easy at Japanese. Be careful of soy sauce especially.
Sounds like you dont want to go though.

wtf, why> it’s about their son and what he wants, not what she wants. It’s his 18th. The op has a choice to go or not go, and most restaurants can say if they have used gluten, if it doesn’t work for her, she needs to stay home, not put her hand out or demand a change of venue.

If it’s a chain… go online. Sashimi, maki and nigiri are all gluten free I believe so check

Ring them and explain and ask them to sort something for you. We went to a similar place for my daughter’s birthday and they provided me with separate food that I could eat.

I have done the same when being taken out by clients so as not to be a pain in arse to them.

On the calories front, relax and don’t eat before or after.

I’d be very unimpressed with having to have the buffet just because other people at the table do. I do not trust other buffet users to properly avoid cross contamination of allergens so I don’t eat from them.

Absolutely this, you should be able to recognise fatty foods and not have to be treated like you’re incapable of making sensible choices.

The allergy situation, you’ll need to contact them.