Not sure if this is AIBU or just a grumble.....meal out.

[Bikergran]

First up, I do not WANT to be a picky eater. I have medically diagnosed gluten intolerance and currently am losing weight on my doctor's advice due to elevated BP and arthritis. I don't usually have problems finding a meal I can eat on any standard restaurant menu.

Soon it is my grandson's 18th, and they have chosen to go to a Japanese buffet restaurant, which is £44 a head. I have looked at their menu, there are no allergens or calorie counts shown (it is part of a chain, so it comes under the regulations that require these to be shown). So I guess I'll be picking and choosing very carefully, and as I actually don't want to eat lots, will end up spending £44 on a few tiny plates. As I am a pensioner, and on top of this will be shelling out for a substantial birthday present, card, etc. I am feeling a bit disgruntled.

However, as it's his birthday celebration, I do want to be there. I know from previous experience at this place, (planned to eat there but didn't) they won't let me order just one dish off the a la carte, if anyone wants the buffet, you all have to have it, they obviously assume you will steal other people's buffet food!!! What would you do?

Then don’t go, it isn’t the ops birthday, it’s her grandsons and thays whay he wants, he shouldn’t have to pick his birthday plans based on his granny,

Put the calorie counting to one side for the meal. You can choose wisely from a buffet so it's a non issue

If you're buying a 'substantial gift' just knock it down by the cost of your dinner.

I didn’t say she should insist he changed restaurants. I’d be unimpressed with the restaurant’s policy. Not with my grandchild choosing a restaurant he wants for his birthday.

I'm saying that arranging something beyond OP's means is not inclusive so it'd be reasonable for the GS's parents to pay for her. That's all.
The gluten is a side issue because - as many PPs have said - OP can get further information from the company.

It’s your grandsons milestone birthday and you begrudge spending less than 50 quid on a meal to celebrate with him? Most grandparents would be delighted to be going. And complaining about buying him a gift?How bloody miserable.
Contact the restaurant re allergies. It’s not hard.

I think you are being unreasonable. If money is really tight then feel free to subtract the difference between £44 and what you are actually happy to pay for your meal from your gift budget. However a large number of itens on the buffet menu will be suitable for you and you can email them now and they will send you a pdf of their detailed allergens menu.

Your gluten intolerance will not stop you from eating any of the dishes which are primarily rice-based. There can be gluten traces in soy sauce which are sufficient to cause problems for coeliacs but are in too low concentration to trigger any trouble for someone gluten intolerant. Obviously there will be some actual wheat-based dishes that you can readily identify and avoid but simply looking at the details they send you in advance in order to be prepared is not a very high burden for a grandmother to bear in order to be able to join the celebration.

It doesn’t need to be inclusive, you’re making it about her, that they either cater for her or pay for her, this would only be acceptable If it was her birthday,

If it's a chain, they likely have a menu with calories on. Most restaurants provide both these days because some people with ED find them triggering with the calories shown.

Ring them up in advance - tell them you have food allergies and while you're aware normal policy is one to buffet, all to buffet, you can't take the risk of cross-contamination so you would like to order from the a la carte.

Decide how much you want to spend on grandson 18th. Include the meal costs in that and look at it as part of cost of celebrating his 18th

I’d be pleased it was only £44!!!

On the face of it, most of what concerns the OP can be resolved by contacting the restaurant and choosing carefully.

For those posters telling her she’s unreasonable for thinking of the cost for a special birthday, I can only assume that you don’t know what living on a fixed income is like. Of course you’d want to do something special for a grandson’s 18th, but if money is tight, it’s not just a question of sucking it up.

I hope you find something you can happily eat OP and that your grandson has a great birthday.

It's a pretty selfish 18 year old that wouldn't accommodate something his grandmother needed though? We're not talking great aunt or the next door neighbour here.

It’s an incredibly selfish grandmother who would want anyone to have a birthday celebration that’s not whay they want but whay she wants,

give over.

Surely you have a basic awareness of calories and can figure out for yourself roughly how many you have consumed. The world doesn’t revolve around your diet. In terms of your gluten intolerance, you must know what you can and can’t eat and have experience of managing it when you eat out. If it’s such an issue just make your apologies. Your 18 year old grandson isn’t going to pick his milestone dinner birthday meal based on nan’s diet and gluten intolerance, you sound really self indulgent.

Agree and I’m appalled some people are saying he should do; absolutely he should not. His birthday meal should always be for him, not any other guest. And the issues the op faces are surmountable. She can ask the restaurant about gluten , she can fill her plate with one thing that’s gluten free, it’s not hard in japenese cuisine, and she can also reduce the present and spend less on that.

What is the chain?

It is a special occasion, forget about the calories for the night (or have light meals the day before/after). Also forget about the value for money for one night, it is a special occasion.

For the gluten free part phone the restaurant and ask if they can/how they can accommodate you when the table is doing a buffet. If there won’t be much, have a big lunch before you go.

Find a way to discreetly make it work , it is your grandson’s big night, it’s not about you.

one unknown calorie intake meal where you have to use your own judgement womt completely ruin a diet fgs, use your common sense, dont have a pudding! The restaurant will have the list of allergens in advance just phone and ask for the gluten free options.

You sound mean, in both senses of the word, sorry.

It’s his birthday and he want to go there, don’t make it about you. If you want to go and celebrate with him then go and don’t cause a fuss, if you don’t want to go then don’t go and decline politely.

Don’t go then? Dont complain and sulk that it’s out of YOUR budget, you don’t like the menu and are calorie counting (??!).
Shes lucky her 18 year old grandchild wants to celebrate with granny and isn’t only interested in going out on the lash with his mates!
If she can’t afford it she can politely decline and wish him a lovely birthday.
also I DO live on a fixed budget-if attending an event is important to me I plan and tuck away money in advance. She’s known it was coming up to his 18th since his last birthday.

When my DC were 18, they just had friends at the restaurant they chose. Worked out well. We had grandma at a separate event at home.

You’d be ‘pissed off’ that a restaurant was chosen with the actual person whose 18th birthday it was in mind, rather than planning everything around his grandma?

It’s a pretty selfish grandmother who’d want someone else’s milestone birthday to be all about her. When she has her 80th or whatever she can choose a restaurant she likes. But this is his birthday so he should get to go where he wants. If she doesn’t want to go, she doesn’t have to.