To not understand why people go on about the impact of Covid lockdown on children

[PrunellaModularis]

It comes up all the time on MN and I don't get it.

They had several months off school, couldn"t see their friends or grandparents or do clubs. Then lockdown ended, back to school, friends, grandparents and clubs.

How come people say "because Covid" to explain young people's behaviour.

Disclaimer: I'm not talking abouy kids in abusive families.

Ignore poll - don't know how to disable it!

But covid has had an impact on dc. There's been research to demonstrate it. So, why are you surprised about people going on about something that's true?

Children aren't robots, brains develop more at certain points, and missing out on a year's social development is a big deal, even excluding the impact of living with the fear and uncertainty, loss of routine, or being stuck in a household that was neglectful or abusive. Dc's brains didn't magically reset when schools went back, they still carry those experiences.

Interestingly this is being discussed on another thread:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cm2rmjnlm94o

Trina Rodden from youth unemployment charity The Shaw Trust says they have seen a real increase in young people having self-confidence issues and anxiety, partly due to the pandemic.
"It can either be as extreme as young people that just won't leave their bedroom," she said.
"They just don't want to leave, they're very isolated, and they're totally disengaged."

Just as my children’s lives should have been opening up, they were shut down - no learning to drive, no sixth form parties, no first drink in the pub on their 18th birthday, no first holiday abroad with their friends etc. etc.
Also, their exams were cancelled - mocks were on again, off again, which was very, very stressful. Their sport stopped overnight. My daughter had just got the lead in the school show, then it was cancelled. The list of things they missed out on is endless.
And my kids didn’t suffer too badly at all compared to lots of other people. How can you not see how damaging this all was?

I work in kids mental health and they still regularly bring up that it was a difficult time for them

Just as my children’s lives should have been opening up, they were shut down - no learning to drive, no sixth form parties, no first drink in the pub on their 18th birthday, no first holiday abroad with their friends etc. etc.

Presumably, like my daughter, they've since had the opportunity to learn to drive, go to the pub and holiday with their friends. Everything was just delayed for a while not forbidden forever.

Completely agree, a few months my arse.
The on and off again lockdown was simply awful.
Despite very loving parents, some children really struggled.
I know my children's friends that were only children struggled terribly for the first time.
Without exception the parents all paid a fortune for puppies that were life savers for their children and were a huge distraction.
I cannot imagine how hard it was for families that had marital problems.
My children became extremely close and we deliberately went go bed early, certainly by 9-10pm most nights, to give them the kitchen to play music, make snacks and give them a small sense of freedom and control.
It really helped them.
My eldest who was at university felt he lost out the most.
Awful time. We are so proud he completed his degree when so many didn't.

Ours was a positive experience OP. My children were 12 and 14 and the day after their school closed they were live online learning with their usual teachers. Not a single lesson was missed and each day was a full day. We just didn’t have to drive to school.

We had a nice garden as I was/am self employed I was able to spend so much time with my children.

The only negative was getting in to massive debt (£14,000) as I wasn’t allowed to work due to close contact with students (driving instructor).

I totally agree op. It’s not exactly the most traumatic thing to happen to a child in general. Obviously those who are in high stress households are a complete different story, but on the whole, I think those using covid as an excuse for bad behaviour are not looking at the right reason

Ask anyone teaching Year 7 at the moment ....

My DS was this sixth form generation. He's now 22 and still doesn't drive, he and his friends are not massive partygoers and their university experiences reflect this. Their formative growing up years (16-18) were spent gaming and talking online. Lots of his group still do this. Yes he goes out but not as much as the previous generations.
He lost his job whilst lockdown was on (shop closed), I am a single mum and when everything opened up again neither of us could afford driving lessons. In his 10 bedroom halls there were 8 that had not started lessons.

So how old is he now?

In the 6 years since Covid what had he done?
Could you afford driving lessons before Covid?

I just can't see how you not being able to drive is related to covid?

Because as a child realising the whole world can suddenly stop operating as "normal" was a huge thing. Nothing was guaranteed and learning that before having the adult ability to handle it has an impact.
My dd missed out on prom - it was a big disappointment and a big deal. And she was year 10 when it started so 18 months after the start they were still cancelling exams and missing out on normal life events.

I think there is one major factor you are failing to acknowledge here @PrunellaModularis and this is how and why the pandemic may have pushed screentime on children?

I don't doubt screentime is the major, major reason humanity seems be falling to shit but my (at the time) 5yo was sent home a Chromebook. My (then) 7yo was expected to attend online Google Meet lessons or whatever bollocks it was

This is without me sticking Joe Fucking Wicks on for exercise or chucking an Ipad at them when I had an important meeting.

Many families were thrusted into a situation they were ill prepared for and once you open that box it's hard to go back.

FWIW I asked the school for paper work books and had to do all the online learning that I could around my work schedule. But many other people I know who weren't furloughed and sitting in their vast gardens with Pina Colada's had to manage their children's schooling / WFH and as we're in London we don't all have 25 bedrooms and sprawling acres.

Covid was hard for some or us.

I do however believe it completely escalated and normalised screentime, so in that respect you are correct.

Covid can’t be blamed for everything . But surely you must appreciate that it negatively impacted some children . It wasn’t just a few months .

our school didn’t provide online lessons .One brief catch - up online a week . One DC was happy to work on their own , another wasn’t .

It was very stressful trying to work and homeschool , especially when DC wouldn’t engage . Big gaps in their learning / education .

Some children never caught up .
There is no one size fits all , for some kids it was a blip , others it wasn’t . It depended on so many factors ;

age of the child
how socialised / willing to socialise the child was / wanted to be online etc
situation at home
how comfortably off the parents were to provide extra resources etc .
child’s personality/ any special needs .

Younger pre - school children missed out on vital socialisation . Some parents might have been able to plug the gaps / others couldn’t / didn’t due to their individual circumstances .

A lot of children / young adults missed out on important milestones , those leaving primary / secondary / starting those and university .

I personally know several teenagers who dropped out of uni etc .

There will also be the children of key workers who whilst will have had greater access to school , some will have been worried for their parents. Some of their parents and obviously thousands of others will have suffered from long covid . Thousands died .

Even when my children returned to school , this was a staggered return and they didn’t go back full- time . Masks etc still in place and social distancing .

Covid will also be a factor ( one of many ) in the increased poor mental health for some children / young people and the increase in school refusal for some children . Not all children but some and one of many factors .

Is this not a case of, because it didn’t affect me, surely it didn’t affect anyone? And is anything anyone going to say anything that can change your mind? Also, the first lock down wasn’t the end of it. It was two lockdowns over two school years….loads of kids have bounced back but loads of kids have been impacted. Lucky you that yours haven’t.

Socialisation - I found those who were of nursery & reception age really struggled to work in a group. They had spent their formative years being the centre of their parents attention mixed with lots of screen time. Things like knowing how to turn take, waiting for attention, not interrupting, basic sharing with more than 1 person. All of a sudden they are in a group of 30 without any of those preceding learning opportunities.

It wasn't just a few months though was it, my youngest child was P1 in the first lockdown, their first full undisrupted year of school was P4 - 3 years of disrupted education!

Schools in Scotland closed in march 2020 and reopened in Aug, they were then closed in Dec/Jan 2020/21, with a phased reopening from mid Feb, schools didn't fully reopen to everyone until after the Easter holiday in 2021, even then children on the shielding list didn't return. Then there were localised outbreaks that closed classes/schools/bubbles - this happened to my son's class on at least 3 occasions. Then there were the absences when someone in the house had COVID, we caught it one after the other and had 36 days of isolation!

And that's just schooling, everyone else on this thread has outlined the multiple other impacts on children of the pandemic.

Because many people had to work from home while they still had very young children to care for.

Because it wasn’t month, there was uncertainty for 2 years.

Because it made people into militant arseholes.

My son at 12 months was screamed at when he picked up a ball that rolled in front of him by a woman, in case he’d contaminated it with Covid.

Going out walking with my child you had to keep stepping in if they got near another child.

Because the formative years are so important - mental health issues in adults now can be tracked back to things that happened between the ages of 0-5

It’s arrogant at best to think your good parenting is what has prevented your daughter from being affected by Covid. There are plenty of parents and children who struggled for various reasons.

No I could not afford driving lessons before. I can't afford them now.
He lost his job over Covid whilst doing A Levels so was unable to save anything and since then he has been at University doing his degree and Masters. In his holidays he volunteered in a special school and did not get paid. Money he earned from his part time job was not enough for lessons and used for food (again I was hardly able to help him financially).
Driving lessons have six month waiting list here and are £70 a lesson.

Had Covid not happens he would have paid for his lessons through his wages and would no doubt have been able to drive before university.
The fact that you cannot understand shows that you have no idea about the financial implications of Covid that many are still suffering from.

So you bringing up you not being able to aford lessons is a red herring. You couldn't afford them before covid.

Re your son, in the 5 years since Covid, he's only done volunteer work. No part time work during uni?

Is he working full time now?

But one one hand you're saying the part time job was enough for lessons and if he hadn't lost it everything would be ok, but the part time job he's had since, aren't enough?

My DD is an only and I sure as hell didn't buy her a puppy!

No because he has been supporting himself at university. What part of this do you not understand? Are you so privileged you don't get it?

His part time job at university paid for him to be at university as the full maintenance loan only paid for his accommodation. You really don't get people being poor do you?

Currently doing his masters (3 years at university and 1 year masters). Part time job pays for train fair and food.

My child was 3 in 2020, old enough to be massively unsettled but too young to really understand what covid even was. Unless you have parented a child through that level of confusion you shouldn't comment. I need a glass of wine just thinking about it.