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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel upset partner expects me to buy my own Mother’s Day gift?

56 replies

ThatSharpLion · 14/03/2026 12:31

I have been with my partner for 20 years, never married but have 4 dcs, youngest is 6 months. It was my birthday around Valentine’s Day and I didn’t even get a card from him for either day which I thought it’s fine he’s been busy with decorating and work. Well now it’s Mother’s Day and he said to go and get my own Mother’s Day gifts as well as his mums! I feel pretty upset that he can’t even take the kids out to buy me a card, and now expects me to go and buy his mum and myself gifts.

recently I haven been feeling pretty down about his lack of interest in my life, so I could say I feel ill and he’ll just ignore me, never asks how my days been and feel like he treats me as the hired help rather then his partner so thinking am I letting the resentment cloud my judgement?

for context he works 12 hour shifts 4 days a week and has 4 days off. He does clean and tidy sometimes when he’s off but I do everything else indoors and looking after the children

OP posts:
iamnotalemon · 16/03/2026 09:27

20 years. Has he always been like this? If not, what has changed?

Voneska · 16/03/2026 15:10

Find out what is important to him and withdraw it......if he doesn't notice then there's deeper trouble looming. If he's treating you like hired help; then do the same. Next time it's someone's birthday, get him involved with child rearing while YOU take a day off to pamper yourself, with the excuse that you're shopping for gifts. You will be surprised how a few hours child - free is very therapeutic...... Also , in a long term relationship, choose your arguments wisely; if you love him, then falling out over a CARD is pointless, you would kick yourself to break up a family over this. Some men just dont get cards etc. It's just who he is , if he's going through stress at work, then he's not going to. I've noticed this about men they show Love in different ways. A man's role isn't in the house. It's in the WORKPLACE, or The BANK or the Boudoir. Or The Shed.....,

Wordless · 16/03/2026 16:20

Oh, look - a joke post.

🙄

Summerlovin24 · 17/03/2026 08:08

He may be busy, we all are but he has A WHOLE YEAR to get you a birthday card and present

Phoenixfire1988 · 21/03/2026 00:23

Your a bang maid nothing more ! The absolute cheek of asking you to buy your own gifts and his mother's i hope you didn't or your just showing him he can get away with that shit .

Phoenixfire1988 · 21/03/2026 00:25

Voneska · 16/03/2026 15:10

Find out what is important to him and withdraw it......if he doesn't notice then there's deeper trouble looming. If he's treating you like hired help; then do the same. Next time it's someone's birthday, get him involved with child rearing while YOU take a day off to pamper yourself, with the excuse that you're shopping for gifts. You will be surprised how a few hours child - free is very therapeutic...... Also , in a long term relationship, choose your arguments wisely; if you love him, then falling out over a CARD is pointless, you would kick yourself to break up a family over this. Some men just dont get cards etc. It's just who he is , if he's going through stress at work, then he's not going to. I've noticed this about men they show Love in different ways. A man's role isn't in the house. It's in the WORKPLACE, or The BANK or the Boudoir. Or The Shed.....,

Edited

If thats how you see marriage is pity you ! Its clear your husband couldn't give a fuck and you've just accepted this is how it is . The 1950s are calling you back .

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